Today I achieved ..... Part 1

[sanmagic7]

well done, blueberry.  starting to break a neg. cycle is always worthy of acknowledgment!

[Blueberry]

Thank you sanmagic. Your response makes me feel validated! 

Today I achieved even more, I think partly because of managing not to argue back yesterday. In a particular type of emotional healing where I live people talk about 'infectious healing' as opposed to 'infectious illness'. Doing a step in the right direction and building on that and keeping on going.

So today, different situation, different people.. I was responding to my parents (in writing) about financial matters and I stayed on topic. Whenever I realised that I was drifting off into a bit of accusing, or you could say victim-mode  , I removed those sentences. And I also did very little self-injury. I almost always do some self-injury when thinking what to write, but this time was greatly reduced.  I have to cheer for myself.

[sanmagic7]

        

i like the concept of infectious healing.  puts a great, positive spin on it all.  keep up the great work!

[Blueberry]

Today I finally showered and washed my hair,         something I'd been putting off doing for I'd rather not say how long. I feel lots better because of it too.

[joyful]

  (that's something I tend to neglect too)

[Phoebes]

I woke up in the night as I often do for my nightly insomnia and I immediately started to get a rush of toxic shame. This has happened a lot in the past. It's like poison rushing into my body. But last night, when I woke up and sensed it was about to happen, I said to myself, "NO" and began deep breathing with counting, and actually went back to sleep. I felt empowered to make it stop. It's a good step!

[Three Roses]

That's awesome! I'm going to try to remember that one for my 3 a.m. wakeup call! 

[Phoebes]

Oh my gosh yes, mine is at 3. Every. Night.

[Blueberry]

      Phoebes! Feeling empowered to stop own insomnia! That is a really good step.

[Blueberry]

Not only did I finally (once again  ) wash my hair and have a shower, but I also did it when I felt like it which was at 2 am!
And I washed a huge stack of dishes at just after midnight.

Doing these two was a really big deal for me because a number of years ago the woman in the neighbouring apartment asked me not to use my kitchen at all in the evening, because it's next to her bedroom. BTW, my shower is in the kitchen, and the kitchen is only room with hot water. My neighbour would know that my shower is in the kitchen, though she might not know the kitchen's my only source of hot water.
After a couple of years, I did revert to using my kitchen in the evening: dishwashing till 10 pm at the latest and shower till midnight. But a few hours ago I decided to * with all those restrictions, I'm doing what I want!

I've also stayed up all night so that I don't have to try and get up at 5 am to go where I needed to go yesterday and didn't manage. While staying up all night might not be too healthy (though I was in/on my bed most of the day), this is an innovative approach to what is a common problem for me at the moment: getting up and staying up.

[Blueberry]

« Reply #29 on: February 17, 2017, 12:16:45 PM »
Today I managed to not argue back in a situation where it was not going to help me.

My own post from about 6 weeks back. It was a real achievement then, and it was not arguing back to the reply to a post I wrote on OOTF, nothing directly to do with anybody IRL or worse not about a reply/mail from any FOO members.

That was laying the ground work to today's step of:  I've decided not to reply to an email from my F, because it was just going to turn into the usual ping-pong game.  to myself
and      to FOO members and their inability to see their own issues, and inability/unwillingness to stop seeing me as the family garbage dump. It's good to get this anger out somewhere.

[Kizzie]

PD ping pong is not at all fun I know. I remember reading somewhere "If you want to stop dancing, just sit down."  Kind of silly but it stuck with me since then and it is such good advice when you have someone with a PD in your life.  In this case I guess it would be laying down the paddle and stepping away.  In any case yay you!   

[Blueberry]

laying down the paddle and stepping away. 

I finally understood this part of your post!!! Your most important message I of course understood. But this bit really confused me. I was wondering    why you'd gone onto paddles as in canoes. Now I understand, paddle as in ping pong. It was right there in my post of course, I'm the one who mentioned ping pong. By the way, "PD ping pong" is hilarious. Maybe there should be a thread for the most amusing words/expression we coin?

[Blueberry]

I feel a little embarrassed at 'always' wanting to write about what I've achieved. Correction to own initial thought. It's not always!! Explanation to myself if noone else: One of the things I've taken on from the type of therapy I was in for a long time is: focus on the changes you are capable of making and talk about these too! Don't just talk about the bad stuff. That has a place too of course, but so does the progress.

So hoping more people might write in this thread more often.

Anyway, today I answered two posts on small jobs (contract work). I didn't actually get either job, but I just felt good that I even tried, especially after deciding about a week ago not to do any more of this type of work till I'm through trauma therapy, and then realising that there are actually really small jobs with non-tight deadlines that I still could do.

[Candid]

Don't just talk about the bad stuff.

I agree, Blueberry. After all, what we think, speak and write counts as self-hypnosis. It's good to acknowledge when something goes right.

today I answered two posts on small jobs (contract work). [...] then realising that there are actually really small jobs with non-tight deadlines that I still could do.

Woo-hoo for yoooo!