Covert NPD Mother

[Kizzie]

I can see why you felt chastised by your T.  After years of imposed silence we need and deserve to talk about the elephant if we are to have a relationship of any kind with FOO.  Mine won't discuss the big E either, for them to do so disturbs their comfort, or as I have come to suspect threatens their survival which depends on maintaining an alternate reality. I threaten that so our only option was to part ways.  I wouldn't call that winning though, I call it doing what I need to to maintain recovery and move forward because those with a PD rarely change (imo).  For me "winning" would mean having a normal, reciprocal and authentic relationship and that's just not going to happen.     

I was looking around at new sites/articles about CPTSD and found one I hadn't seen before - https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/. She is writing as she recovers, sharing what she is learning and getting feedback as she goes.   There are a number out there -- "Stoning Demons" is one I recall off the top of my head. I think they're amazing for the blogger's recovery, for those with CPTSD to be able to see someone's recovery in progress, and for raising awareness about CPTSD in general.  Again, just a thought but have you ever considered a blog versus a book?   

[Kizzie]

Good grief SB, I hadn't read that post     How are you doing now?  Yes, clean-up mode it is, I can see that.  I can also see that a blog might be too much in that you are revealing yourself.  I like the anonymity here, it helps me to say what I need without fear of FOO or others weighing in on what I'm saying.

They are particularly unforgivable when you waste decades 'trying again' and thinking there might be an explanation or apology, and you come away from it having been kicked harder than before.

I finally realized too that I was just going to continue to be punished and disappointed if I held onto that hope (and it was deep). There came a day finally when I just knew I had to let it go and I did but it was gut (soul) wrenching, harder than anything I've done in life and that includes having cancer. Speaks volumes about why recovery is a slow journey for many of us.

[Kizzie]

Gawd Southbound, that sounds really tough.  I hope your appointment goes well and they restock your pain killers. 

ps - I am clear of the cancer

[stillhere]

Southbound,

As the sun sets on "my" side of the world, I think it's morning for you, and on a day you're dealing with your physical injuries.

I hope you hear some good news, at least that your physical injuries will heal faster than psychic injuries have for all of us. 

Wishing you well.