Infancy trauma - any others can relate??

[Blueberry]

If I slow down any more I'll start moving backwards...But thanks thanks thanks, support is so helpful.

The feeling of going backwards in healing or moving backwards because so slow is pretty common around here too. 25 years ago I was told I needed to do less. I couldn't believe it because I was already doing way less than other adults my age, I mean I couldn't even clean one room in my apt all in one go, never mind the whole apt the way my age group did back then. Little did I know that for some reasons that I'm still not clear on I was being triggered and my energy disappeared at the mere thought of cleaning. The more I followed the "do less" (for a lot more examples than cleaning my apt), the sicker I seemed to get, my ability/energy/wherewithal to do whatever got less and less... As crazy as it may sound, doing less and less was still the answer in my case. The less-and-less might not be the answer in yours but the slow-and-slower-and-even-more-slowly might be in your case.

As Armee says, there are better days ahead. She's right, it does get better!! Probably not 100%, certainly not in my case, but better. Just as baby steps count in active healing (what I do in and out of therapy), it's good to look for and notice the tiny shifts that come to each of us over time during recovery. If you don't notice these yourself, in time forum mbrs will notice and let you know. We're often perceptive of other mbrs' progress while not noticing our own.

[Chart]

Indeed doing still more less seems impossible. But I guess I can try.

[Armee]

I know this is not too relevant to your core question of how is it different but I wanted to suggest a couple thoughts...


1. Blueberry answered really well I think about going slow and doing less. I'll add that opening these boxes can be pretty destabilizing that's part of why slow ends up being much much faster. You don't get knocked as far back. You shuffle forward instead of leaping ahead and straight over a cliff. I've learned this lesson the hard way as have pretty much everyone else here. Over and over I've learned this lesson. You'll learn it too and then you'll be able to go "oh yeah...slow is faster."

I also want to gently point out that the ongoing emotional trauma with your mom might be more significant than you are letting yourself realize right now.