stuck in freeze mode

[whitecat]

I read about this website in Pete Walker's very informative book.

I am a 61 yo woman.  I lead a relatively normal life until my mother died several years ago.  After she died I turned around and married a very abusive man.  I have come to realize through therapy that I found an exact copy of my mother to marry and this was what triggered my severe PTSD.  Well, I finally left the abuser but unfortunately the damage was done and all sorts of horrible memories that I had previously totally repressed started coming up....sexual abuse that was allowed by my mother, etc. 

I have been in freeze mode for several years now, pretty much housebound, avoiding people, with multiple physical problems which I believe are caused by muscles that are frozen in terror. 

I am joining this forum in the hopes of connecting with others who are going through the same thing. 

[Rain]

Welcome, whitecat, and here is a

You have definitely found the right place, and you are not alone.   Thank you for sharing your story, whitecat.   I look forward to reading your posts, and sharing on your Journey.

I'm so glad you are reading, or have read, Pete's book.  It is a roadmap many of us here follow.

I am sorry for your loses, the traumas.  All so painful.   Are you currently working with a therapist?   Many of us dealing with many aspects that you are dealing with now, so many of the topics will click for you. 

By chance, have you read about Somatic Experiencing, which are therapists trained in body work for released trauma from the body?   Peter Levine's books, such as Waking the Tiger go into this.

Grace and Healing in your Journey, whitecat.

[whitecat]

Hey Rain, thank you for your kind words.  I don't know somatic experiencing but will look it up.  I was seeing a bioenergetic therapist, which is body based therapy.  I tried CBT but no words could express what I was feeling.  The bioenergetic did work but it became so painful I had to take a break from it for a while.  I have read both of Pete Walker's books, Peter Levine and many others in my desperate search to understand these awful feelings.  The one that impressed me the most was "Betrayal of the Body" by Alexander Lowen which TOTALLY described my physical feelings of imploding, flying off the earth and collapsing.  Have you read that one?  Hugs, whitecat

[Rain]

Hi whitecat, I have not read that book, but I will add it to my reading list.    I'm so sorry what you are going through.    I have not heard of bioenergetics.  The somatic experiencing is based on Peter Levine's work.   Hang in there!
Hugs!
Rain

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi whitecat, pleased to meet you. I'm another one who's trying to get out of freeze mode. I was retraumatized 15 years ago by a (former) best friend. Before that, I had really good job prospects, friends, and a proper life. Now... hm. Not so much. I'm slooowly clawing my way back, but most times I'm not really hopeful that I'll ever get back what I lost.

[Kizzie]

Hi and Welcome to Out of the Storm WhiteCat!  So sorry to hear about all that you have gone through, that ongoing trauma can certainly cause us to freeze for sure.  I would venture to say that by coming here you are ready to thaw a bit - that's a BIG step so kudos to you for having the strength  and perhaps a little fear.  We understand here, it is simply not easy.

I'd love to hear more about the Bioenergetic therapy when you're comfortable posting about it.  Also, when you're ready if you want to add to the Resources section (books that have been helpful, web sites, other forums), that would be great and it will help you find your way around a bit too. 

If you haven't done so already, would you please read through our Member Guidelines here http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=12.0.

Thanks and again, welcome. I hope you find the information, support and encouragement you need.

[Badmemories]

Welcome Whitecat,

whitecat wrote
on: October 13, 2014, 01:21:38 PM

I am a 61 yo woman.  I lead a relatively normal life until my mother died several years ago.  After she died I turned around and married a very abusive man.  I have come to realize through therapy that I found an exact copy of my mother to marry and this was what triggered my severe PTSD.  Well, I finally left the abuser but unfortunately the damage was done and all sorts of horrible memories that I had previously totally repressed started coming up....sexual abuse that was allowed by my mother, etc. 

We have a lot in common! I am 60, I am STILL married to an abusive man that reminds me a lot of My Mom, and after 17 years of marriage I realized that I too was TRIGGERED by his treatment of me. I was also triggered by my uNPDSIS who has a lot of problems related to the abuse that we suffered as children. The difference between me and her is she wants to continue to be a victim and I want to grow out of it!

I am in a freeze state also. I have been in the longest depression I have ever had! I am slowly working My way out of it! I was also sexually abused by My step dad..of Course uNPD mom, denies knowing about any of it! I was treated like Cinderella by My Mom and Step Dad's family!

I hope You continue with our group and post about things... that helps us all! Although every story is different, they all sound the same