Sometimes going to bed is the only solution

[Boatsetsailrose]

So here I am at 19.00 hrs in bed and finally feeling safe -
Sometimes it goes like that ....

It's been a tough day with inner critic and self hate
And outer stuff - people don't like me - I'm bad etc
Usual themes - more intense today - know it will pass - seeing how see through it all is and that's a blessing -
So glad to be able to post here with others who 'get it '

Been feeling lonely lately - split with ex of 4 yrs - seems to have hit me a bit more today - feel
Glad it's over but somewhat lost -
What now ?
Brings up the lack of connection with family and lack of intimacy with any people to be close to -
I see people in the park with children and dogs etc and I wish I had something to 'take me out of myself ' -

Today I wish I was someone else - but in general life is better than it ever was and I know now of my condition and with that comes hope and support

[Boatsetsailrose]

 I love being in bed and the door shut on the world

[Kizzie]

  and sweet dreams to you Boats, that's what I do when I've had a bad day or two.  I feel like when I sleep I work through a lot of things, and it sure beats ruminating and ending up having an EF.

[arpy1]

  to you boatsetsailrose; sorry you're feeling a bit lonely and all - just to say, we're here, really. bed is gooooood... especially if, like me, you have a warm woolly sheep/wheat bag to snuggle.  hope your sleep is good and restoring 

[tired]

Maybe being in bed can be an opportunity to connect with yourself.  Since you're there anyway and you have the space to yourself.  Instead of thinking of other places you want to be just tell yourself you will, later, after you enjoy the luxury of sleeping alone. I mean, it's lonely but also it's not something everyone on the planet gets to have.  I was super lonely for a long time and one day I got a cat and it felt like an absolute urgent need, like, I need a cat in bed with me nownownownownownownownow.  I couldn't stand it anymore; I need to decompress and be alone sure but I didn't want to be totally by myself.  I guess the cat is more of an audience. She seems to be interested in everything I do. I mean it's a cat.

[Dutch Uncle]

It's wonderful to go to bed early.
One of the privileges of being an adult is that you are allowed to go to bed when you want.

[I like vanilla]

Yes, sometimes going to bed is the only reasonable thing to do.

I worked yesterday (after working all week with overtime hours included). I got home, ate dinner, had a bubble bath and went to bed. It was about 6:30-7:00 pm, and it felt really good.

Boatsetsailrose, I had your posting in mind when I made that decision. Thank you. Going to bed early can be a wonderful thing. 

[Indigochild]

Hey Boatsetsailrose,

I am sorry to hear your are struggling so much, and that you are so lonely.
Feeling lonely is very high up on the list of the most awful feelings in the world!

I agree with you that sometimes, curling up in bed is what is needed.
I found recently, that sometimes, unhealthy coping mechanisms used to avoid pain dont always cut it. They dont always work, and then the only choice then is to surrender, and you just need to shut out the world and feel safe.
There is nothing wrong with that. It is so stressful and tiring having these flashbacks and negative voices in your head putting you down, making your afraid.
You are looking after your inner child when you take yourself away for a while, and that is a good thing.

Isn't it funny, you feel unsafe when your inner critic goes wild, reflecting how unsafe you / we felt in childhood, when we were given those messages that birthed our inner critics.

I completely understand what you are saying and your thought processes with your inner critic. It amazes me so much to see that others have the same thought processes as I do! I thought it was only me who thought this stuff in the entire world!!
If there is hope for others, maybe there is hope for me.

We are all here for you, and I'm super sorry if you are doing this alone.
I dont know what to recommend about you future with out your Ex.
And I hope you can have great connection with safe others some day.

Sending you a virtual hug, and I hope you feel better soon. 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you indigo for the kind reply ..
Yes indeed - I also thought I was the only one on planet earth ( or any other planet come to think of it ) that experienced what I do
This forum is a complete god send
I have real hope that I can recover from the worst bits - and develop alongside symptoms that don't go - having better connections these past few days with people - social scene looking a bit more promising
Compassion for ourselves is so needed and to write here about going to bed and people 'get it ' means a lot

[tired]

I use my bed to shut down.  Block out the world.  Or create a world I feel ok in; this forum, tv shows with characters who feel comfortable to me.  I know it's silly but if I watch the same show over and over the characters become familiar and safe.  I don't feel safe most of the time but my bed feels like my own.

[Indigochild]

No worries Boatsetsailrose

The forum is a god send and it is b****y amazing and comforting that others in the world get it. Makes me happy- but also sad that they go through this too.
So glad you were had better connection with others, and i hope your social life goes ok.
I am glad you have hope. This is something i do not have as yet. I cant imagine ever feeling different, ever feeling worthy and i think it will be mega hard to get there, but who knows, I'm only at the start of the journey.

[Indigochild]

Tired, I do the same thing!!!!! OMG.
I use TV too to disassociate, perhaps you do the same, but it is ok and healthy to take breaks and get involved in a TV show.
Bed is a great place.

Woah, if I were having flashbacks in the company of you guys, you would totally understand wouldnt you! You would understand feeling depleted and exhausted and needing to go lie down and be safe. I need to remember that you guys go trough this too, and that maybe I'm not a total failure.

[tired]

The safety is also in the unconditional acceptance.  This forum is full of people who don't want anything from me and don't question me or doubt me. That doesn't happen anywhere.  Even in therapy, there is a lot of projection and even though the therapist isn't expecting anything I do have those reactions.

Tv is the same.  The characters are there but don't want me to do anything. Plus they are consistent.  The sitcom characters are the same and don't suddenly turn on me and act like someone else. 

I want to live in a world of people who are consistent and stable and don't pester me.

[arpy1]

just want to say i am exactly the same, especially when i have a bout of flashbacks. often i'm left feeling so wiped out the only thing is to curl up in my little bed and snuggle down for a few hours. or veg completely with brainless, stress-free TV (nature documentaries do it for me, they make me feel happy that there is beauty in the world)  it's nice that we seem to do similar stuff to comfort ourselves. makes me not feel so dysfunctional!