Help appreciated

[tired]

Having a small crisis which happens a lot so I feel like asking for help is silly but anyway.

I am blocked and need to do a bunch of things and I am not doing them.  I'm sort of frozen in time.  I just want someone to read the list and maybe that will make me do it. I panic over things for various reasons.

1. Pay all bills
2. Find out why my cell phone bill is so high
3. Get folders for clients and organize papers and write the plans down.
4. Deposit checks
5. Wash clothes and fold
6.  Exercise

I feel like these are the hardest things in the world and if I do them my head will explode .

[arpy1]

don't feel silly, i so understand how this feels, honestly. it is not silly, nor is it unusual.

if it's a help, i am happy for you to pm me as and when you have been able to tick something off the list. but not so as you feel a pressure, more so i can congratulate you. you need affirmation for each little victory, believe me.

my strategy is to do one thing each day. or as much of one thing as i can manage. (maybe like, pay one bill, or do one wash load. i don't try to do more but if i do, that's good. if i can't manage any of it, i try not to beat myself up that day.  in fact today is one of those not beating myself up days (see my journal if you like).

don't despair, hon. you will get through them bit by bit. support and hugs

[mourningdove]

I read it, tired.

I get stuck like that often, too. I like arpy1's idea of focusing on one at a time. Maybe that way it will not be quite as overwhelming.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi tired
I so relate to what u share
I feel like this often
It's all too much and I keep runinating about what 'needs to be done ' and feel more stressed when I don't achieve what I need to '

For me I have a list and then have post its - when I get up in the morning I think about the day ahead and what sort of 'free time I have ' I then think of something I would really like to do
Eg have a bath - do some art - go for a massage - watch TV
I then balance out what I need to do with what I want to do

On the post it I write my day plan -
Eg call bank
Have breakfast
Meditate
Do washing
Take 10 minutes break
Go in garden

I feel like my child self has woken in an adult body with all
The responsibility and can't handle it
Having a more measured response really
Helps me

[The Girl Who Was Me]

No need to feel silly.  We are here to help!

I agree with arpy's advice to definitely take things one at a time.  Feeling like you have to get all of those things done at once can definitely feel overwhelming.   I also find what helps me is to think about which of those tasks seems most overwhelming and causes me the most stress to think about.  Sometimes, I find, if I get that most stress-inducing thing done first, the other things won't seem so bad in comparison after that.  On the other hand, if you are having one of those days where you just can't (and we all have those!), start with some of the simple things like the laundry.  While you fold, can do something nice for yourself like listening to music or watching something fun on TV, and then when you see the big stack of folded clothes at the end, it can feel extra special because you have visible proof of what you accomplished.  And I know for me, sometimes, that feeling of accomplishment can get me on a roll to tackle the next thing on the list.

But also be kind to yourself if it's all too stressful and you need to put these tasks off for a day or two.  Just the same as it would be okay to put off some tasks for a few days if you had a cold or the flu, if you are having a bad time emotionally, it's okay to take the time off from getting stuff done for a few days if you need to gather your mental forces.  Give yourself permission to do that.  Sometimes just giving yourself that permission can help diffuse the stress.   

Sending you lots of positive energy.

[BigGreenSee123]

I can definitely relate, tired. I've had this overwhelming to-do list days. They're rough. What arpy1 suggests has worked best for me too. I just try and worry about #1 on the list. Then, if and only if I get that taken care of, I start to think about #2. Best of luck, I'm rooting for you.

[I like vanilla]

Wow! I thought I was the only one who had such a difficult time accomplishing tasks that others seem to find so easy.

For me, I try and do one at a time. I give myself stickers on my calendar when I have a 'good' ('got something done') day. After 25 stickers, I give myself a small reward (often a treat at a local coffee shop).

[Boatsetsailrose]

Nice
Learning some mindfulness helps -
How to be in the present moment fully

Good thread
Yes sometime s I feel I am the most dysfunctional person on the planet - NOT TRUE

I look back and see that my life has never fully collapsed even when I've been really unwell
Fear =false evidence appearing real

Good luck - one task at a time 🌺

[tired]

I like vanilla: I like the idea of giving myself a sticker.  I feel like a child. Like boatsetsailrose said-a child that woke up in an adult body all of a sudden.

I just paid my credit card bill. I don't know when it's due and I don't get a reminder so I did that first.  I don't know if I owe on my Target card so I just paid 200 for it and if I run out of money and find out I overpaid I guess I can buy food with it at the end of the month. I get a reminder for utility bills and the rent is automatic.  i put some nail polish on so I had to sit and wait for them to dry and that meant I had to sit on the computer so it was easier to do it.

I got a call from the trash company so maybe that's overdue. I should call them back today.  I have this aversion to the phone.

I did some laundry last night. A friend will be at the gym today so I'll go in; that meant I had to wash some clothes.  She's going to tell me my pants are too baggy which is odd because I feel like they're too tight and I really want to wear my pajama pants, which are actually ok pants, just plain dark blue.  I can't decide if I should shower or not.  I washed my hair yesterday and it's a pain to straighten it, but then again I dont feel confident when I haven't showered.  Maybe I should look in the mirror before I leave haha.  My friend never does before a workout and she smells but she doesn't mind.  She wears expensive workout gear and seems to feel confident like she's got it all together.  I've been to her house and it's a mess, so I guess it's all confidence.  The thing is, she isn't bothered by mess like I am.  It's not just that I like order, which I guess everyone does. But it doesn't make her depressed.  If someone came over to my house and said they would clean it I would cry and say thank you thank you.  But when I offered to clean her house she didn't seem to care.

You know when someone has body odor and you figure they don't notice it themselves? I worry that I look terrible and don't even know it.  My mom once said "other people have to look at the back of your head" (I didn't brush it). 

I can't decide what time to get to the gym either. It makes me anxious to go. I try to leave the house just before 8 so I can stop at Target on the way right at 8, to give me some stress relief. There's always something in the dollar area in front that will make me feel normal.  I imagine that people who shop at Target for shiny home things have no problems functioning. 

boatsetsailrose:  i like that about fear.  I keep asking my friend, how am I going to do this. and he said you're doing it. it's true.  reminds me of a long time ago when i had two small children and my dad said what are you going to do with your life which is a crazy thing to ask someone who is breasfeeding. so i said well, i think i'm going to live it.  and so true about present moment. i mean it actually works .  i avoid it but it works. sometimes when i go out and the sun shines i feel good and it jolts me into the moment, and i feel better and balanced and normal and the truths i know actually feel real to me.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Yes ! We have to untrap ourselves from living the past in our present !

Now is now

I had some freedom today - a day off and 'things to do but allowing myself to do and be nice things also - mix it up -
And not living in that 'perfectionism today ' brings me so much joy

Pete w talks about we created that perfectionist way yrs ago ' if I do this do that be perfect I'll get loved -
Today no one is loving me that conditionally and I don't need to be and do that
I had a driving lesson today and said '* in going to allow myself to mess up and make mistakes and guess what no one was judging me ! And I had a better time for it - I was even laughing 

Quote from tired
'I feel better and balanced and normal ' yes !!
That's it life not in cptsd -
Freedom
I get to practise each day - some days better than others - hey I'm not perfect !!
I'm human and I mess up - because I can

Funny thing is when I am in this space like today I don't get any less done - I feel free and moving
Feet on ground - breathing - with the reality of knowing that NO ONE is going to berate - be little - or shout at me - and even my head is giving me a break

Enjoy your day - it's all we have 🌺🌿💐

[arpy1]

wow, tired! you have achieved a lot, and i hope you're giving yourself a sticker or a coffee or something. 

i, on the other hand, today have slept. and slept and slept. and i still feel totally wiped. the result, sadly, of two straight days in EF and two very bad nights.  the only thing i managed was to wash the pots. the laundry is climbing out of the washbin. the place is a pit. the garden needs sorting.....etc etc etc.  so i am refusing to feel inferior!

my feeling about the pre-gym shower etc is this, fwiw:  if it is going to be more stressful not doing it, then plan to do it. it doesn't matter if you come home and have another.  same with the hair thing.  i always wash mine in the morning anyway becos it's very fine and i can't get it to go right otherwise.  and if i go to the gym, i have a good wash and i use lots of antiperspirant/deodorant and bodyspray. then i can last till i get home and shower.  it's really about maximising your confidence, not about whether it's good/bad/right/necessary.  whatever makes you feel you can cope, is where it's at. 

anyway, sounds to me like you have made progress with your list since you posted.  and helped a few of us in the process, so thanks for this thread! big 

[tired]

I sprayed myself with my very best organic french body spray and went to the gym.  I did feel like I was dirty and having gained weight it didn't help. I kept my jacket on because I was self conscious and of course got even more sweaty. Someone near me said "why does it smell like cookies in here?" which was funny.  I just hoped it was me.  I was distracted so next time I should shower. I have a phobia of water and showering and it takes awhile to get myself psyched into it.

I ate a lot today and I think it's grief. I need another ritual.  I'm trying to clean the basement as a ritual but I don't know where to put things and I'm stuck and discouraged.  Maybe I should just pick up the front room that people might see .  I feel bloated.  I have to take out my contacts and I don't feel like it.  When I feel this way I decide to eat even more, to force myself to somehow flip the switch. 

I want this day to end. 

Maybe I should stop trying to do so much and absorb how I'm feeling.  I would love to be the kind of person who can work all day.  I'm not.  I have to stop and think about my mother.  I don't want to but I have to. 

[arpy1]

big honey, i think you're doing a lot better than you think you are.  it's hard to be kind to ourselves but try and be encouraged about what you did manage, both with the gym and with the basement.  it will still be there when you can feel up to doing a bit more, doesn't need to be all done in one go.  loads of support, and more 

[tired]

I called the trash company and paid my bill which was overdue apparently. 

I think it helped that I did a lot of physical work and my brain was too tired to care. Normally I hate phone calls. The combination of coffee and being physically spent seemed to do the trick.

I got an app that rings a bell whenever you set the time; it's a school bell app basically. 

I went to the gym today for 45 minutes. 

I should deposit those checks. i can do it from my phone.  it's so easy yet seems so daunting.  i hate typing on these iphones.  i keep putting in the wrong thing.  is it just me or are the touch screen phones really impossible? I used to have a blackberry and texting was so easy.  i feel so clumsy already, and even simple things are hard.

maybe i'll keep plugging away until 3 then take a nap or just call it a day.  how many hours a day should i "work" (i mean, i don't have a job so i'm just doing things i think might be useful) in order to feel useful?  How many hours a day do normal people do productive things?  how much free time for leisure do people get and what counts as leisure?  cleaning the basement? I mean it's not critical and doesn't make money .  it's just me, playing. putting away junk.  dunno.

[Boatsetsailrose]

For me 'doing and driven behaviour is about fear and control -
P walker talk s about it - 'if I am perfect ' I'll be loved
Not saying that's how it is for you but it is for me - my head is broken around this stuff

Quote how many hrs a day - um well if I wasn't working if say half a day 'doing and 1/2 a day being -
Leisure for me is anything I love and makes me feel good
A walk in nature - gym - painting - friend - meditation - TV - reading - doing nothing Yes sometimes that is good music - reading - having fun !! ( something that I love but it doesn't come natural to me to have fun !

My friend says get things done first and then have the reward at the end
Eg pay bill - wash up - go to the shops and then watch TV
A good one I do is have in mind what I'm going to do - and when done write it down and tick it
Instead of the good ol fashion to do list which can be daunting
What ever works for you !! The thing I find is I make the commitment in the morning to both what I am I need to doand leisure time and do it regardless of how I feel - I don't let the feelings dictate -
Ie I don't live in fear - I always feel better when I do it this way round

Also I'm learning to be more creative if I don't do something but do something else generally it's OK the world doesn't blow up
My life hasn't collapsed
Yet
Learning to tolerate fear and anxiety are my hot topics at the moment - giving myself a break - and congratulating myself when I do complete something ( not easy thing for me to do - but I am practising it