When things feel impossible the only thing I can rely on is faith. I look back and remember feeling like I couldn't possibly leave my marriage and live in a house by myself. It seemed crazy impossible. And now I'm here. So I just tell myself, I don't know how I'm going to do this but I know that sometimes unexpected things happen.
The other thing I try to do is find a higher meaning. I know that no one knows what that is for certain but for me it's understanding my own mind. Not my kooky mind that does things I don't know how to control, but the other part that is standing off to the side and observing. No one can take that part of me away from me. My mind can go wonky, my body might become disabled in many ways, and my external environment can fall apart. But there is still something left. I guess that's all I hold on to.
What hurts though is that all the external things I can't control affect my relationships. Maybe if I become homeless and eat out of dumpsters I can still be happy deep down and even not care if I live or die. My spirit is calm. But if that happens I will have to give up my relationships with people I care about and then what. Sure I can detatch from my parents and a lot of friends but there is one friend and my kids and I don't know what kind of meaning life would have without them.