Needing to change T

[tiggerd2]

Hi.
When things began to hit me in the face in May, I started therapy again. I was good with the therapist. Then I found out I was CPTSD. She didn't specialize in it. I changed to someone who did. After 2 weeks, the T said I was too complex and needed to refer me to someone else- do I feel as though I have leprosy? I found someone who lists CPTSD as her specialty.

Last week I went to my appt (remember shoulder surgery was on the 10th). I was kicking into flashbacks. The T got really nervous. She asked me if I needed to go to the hospital many times throughout the session- no. I told her I was safe. At the end of the meeting she asked me what meds I was taking. I hadn't taken anything for pain before my appt. I told her, she freaked and said  "Xmg of X, that would knock me out cold". I told her the 'therapeutic dose' and I'm not taking anything near that. She said "still, that's a lot". Example: It's like if the basic beginning dose of Zoloft is 50 mg, I'm taking 3 mg. If that makes sense. I felt extreme shame.

Then I went to my psych MD. He said it is really common for people to increase flashbacks and symptoms after surgery and a lot of pain.  My T should have known this if CPTSD was her specialty.
It turned out I had to cancel my appt with the T because of a physical therapy appt. Friday I called her. She didn't return the call. I texted her that I needed to change appts- wanted to cover myself. I called their group office and left a message. OK. I did what I needed to do.
She called and left a message Mon afternoon and it went to voicemail. She texted me. I said ok to the time. Then I thought of how many times she has asked me if I needed to go to the hosp, her freak concerning the meds and her not knowing the stress of surgery, pain, pain meds- increase symptoms and flashbacks. I texted her my concerns and said I wouldn't be at the appt.
I decided I would rather be with a T who trusted me, willing to learn and doesn't freak who does work with people with abuse than a T with CPTSD as her specialty. I called the 1st T and made an appt.
Anyone have any thoughts?

[Salsera]

I have some thoughts.

I have been in and out of therapy my entire life. For various reasons. I am 54.

I now know that a few of the Ts were awful. One, who should have told me that my M was a N, and that I was the FOO SG, gave me terrible advice and I now know that what he suggested only made my situation and the abuse I was suffering worse.

Please, go with your gut feeling. Do what you think is best for you. These Ts do not know everything. And, how many of them have CPTSD themselves, and/or have had similar experiences to ours? They may think that their training makes them experts in something, but I don't.

I'm not in T now. I'm tired of feeling like I am wasting my time, money, and energy.

It may take you going to many Ts until you find one that you feel comfortable with.

If you keep working on yourself, and recovering, you will move forward.

[steamy]

My immediate thought was that your t has issues or cptsd lol.

I would love to start therapy again, I have discoververed more crap since I stopped t five years ago but don't have resources to get help these days.

I liked my therapists lot, he was very patient and enthusiastic. He told me that i had PTSD from my childhood, but at the time didn't really comprehend the enormous depth and breadth of cptsd.

I last emailed him a year ago, he said he learned a lot from my case. I guess he was winging it too lol

Before that I had two attempts at therapy, one lady obviously had a lot of issues of her own, she was highly conscious of a deformity of her right arm, which even as a 25 year old sailor made me wonder about her efficacy. Then I entered therapy when I was about 30, felt like I was talking to the wall so abandoned that after a few months. I realise now that to give her due, she did highlight that I had dissociated from my childhood trauma. I don't think I could have made progress with her though.

Did anybody ever catch the TV series called "in therapy" starring Gabriel Byrne? It highlighted just how screwed up therapists can be, giving advice to clients but completely being in denial of their own neuroses.

My thoughts are if you find one you like, stick with them, they will learn on the job. However, they might not want to take the risk of working beyond their scope.

[I like vanilla]

I agree with steamy and salera. Go with your gut and try and find someone you like - someone you can build a rapport with.

I am on my third T. The first was good and got me where I needed to be in a bad time in my life. The second, ugh!. She helped somewhat but because I felt she had the 'right qualifications' I ignored the warnings that my gut was giving me about her. I spent way more time with her than I should have, much of it stalled in the same place (one of the ignored flags). Things deteriorated and the client-T relationship ended badly... It took me more than a year to recover.

The therapist I have now is someone that I feel that I can trust. He has many of the 'right qualifications' but more importantly, I am comfortable talking to him, and most importantly I feel safe working with him. Also more importantly I am making progress again. At our first interview (he allows for a 'get to know you' session) I mentioned some things going on with me. For many he had formal training and experience. For one or two not so much but he has been doing reading because it helps me (and I think some of his other clients) to learn more about these issues.

The downside is that only you can tell what type of therapist and therapy is right for you. The upside is that only you are allowed to choose what is right for you. Again, I agree with Salsera and steamy, it might take a few tries but if you listen to your gut you will find the person that you need. I would encourage you too to keep in mind that having things not work out with a particular therapist does not mean 'failure' on your part (I say this because I felt that way with the 2nd T). I think most of us have tried more than one therapist - it is a matter of finding the right person for you and for the circumstances that you are in (and both change over time, sometimes requiring a need to change Ts too). Lack of correspondence between individuals or between a T and your circumstances says nothing about you or what you are dealing with; it just means you and the T are both human. Not every human, in any type of relationship, is going to 'click' with us. The key is to find the ones who do.