Progress? I guess so. I vented my anger.

[arpy1]

oh my word, Dutch Uncle.  he obviously can't handle having bad thoughts/feelings/sins inside himself so he has to give them to you, he certainly couldn't give them to his (ex)wife, could he??  projection or what?

fwiw, now that you have become aware (and it seems to me that you are having a whole series of inner revelations about the dynamic within your family that maybe wouldn't have been poss without the nc you have put in place) - now that you are aware of the way your father has historically used you, you are empowered to refuse it, to give him back his own stuff.     another bit of crazy-making you have de-bunked        - YAY you    !

imo, telling him won't probably make any difference, because he is unlikely to be aware he does it.  i told my ex time and again and he never got it.  some things people just can't see, it would dismantle too much of their world view and self protective devices.  the cost for them would be too high.

i feel very proud of you, D/U. you are making so many big steps forward in this journey.  respect 

[Dutch Uncle]

You make me smile, arpy1. 

Thanks so much.

(and yes, I do think my NC, and LC, Medium Chill and various another 'techniques' all have contributed a lot to finally getting access to these revelations.)

[arpy1]

 

[Dutch Uncle]

I guess my father got over his scare to start a WorldWar through sending letters. I got two on the same day. 

I received them Saturday, but can only send a reply today. So I started a reply on saturday, in which I wrote the mailbox would only be emptied today, and would finish writing my reply before this 'mailbox-deadline'.
Which I did.
I had to resist an urge to let him know something sooner by e-mail.
(Oh dear, the strength it takes to uphold ones own newly discovered boundaries...  <--- = Army Semaphore Signaler. Those 'puffs' should be Army-Green or Navy-White in this particular instance  )

I expect to meet him, at his house this weekend. (He has stated he is getting too old to travel much. Which is a fair thing to say for this pre-WW2 man.)  And told him he could write a card back with his preference for Saturday or Sunday.
<--- = Army Semaphore Signaler again.

Fingers crossed for progress. 

edit: The semaphore reminded me of this, no doubt triggered by a "HELP!" signal going of in my brain. 
(the 'real' H-E-L-P signals were considered not esthetically pleasing, FWIW):

[attachment deleted by admin]

[arpy1]

well done for holding the line, D/U!  u done good. 

(funny cos my dad was a Royal Navy signalman before he was married.)

i couldn't open the 'h-e-l-p' thing tho 

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks.

Added the image as an attachment, in the original post. Does that work?

[arpy1]

yes thanx. gave me a giggle.   

[Dutch Uncle]

Ok, ok, my tendency to get a bit OC(-P-)D at times got the better of me. And I used to be a boy-scout and I had to learn the bloody alphabet (which I conveniently have forgotten about in the meantime, they should have made some sort of QWERTY-system for it: it's a mind-bogling system) but I think this cheerleader actually has a message for us:

---  /   =H
\ / = U
--- --- = R
\ / = U
\ --- = Y

makes HURUY = Hooray? 

[arpy1]

 

it's your fault, now i have now listened  to Sgt Pepper, Abbey Road, and the Black Album...  who did u say was ocd??

[Dutch Uncle]

who did u say was ocd??

Since I took the SCID-II test. And the most disturbing result has been I scored three out of eight on OCPD. Still well below the threshold to 'qualify' (LOL) for it, but still something to take into account with regard to my 'healing' or 'curing':
(source (taken directly from DSM-IV) http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/OCPD.html)

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is listed in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM) as a Cluster C (anxious or fearful) Personality Disorder.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is defined by exhibiting at least four of the following:
(list 1 to 8 )

#2 - Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost. Showing perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met).
#3 - Excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity).
#7 - Adopting a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes.

I don't like it either, but I can't say the diagnostic-psychs are wrong...
And in the end: I'm 'allowed' to have these.     To paraphrase Frank Zappa: "there's more of us crazy fuckers than you are, heheheh..." (in reference to all the 'sane' folks...)
That does't mean I couldn't put at least some effort into diminishing the detrimental effect it has, if any, on my personal life.

<--- this is quickly becoming my favorite 'smiley'. Apart from    that is. 

NB: This result has been the 'closest' call to a PD-diagnosis. I've been diagnosed with a few other PD-traits (or 'fleas' as they are also called), but they are even more below the threshold than this:  Yay me!   

[arpy1]

maybe i should take a look...  or maybe i don't think so... i don't want to know, probably! 

[Dutch Uncle]

I didn't want to know either. LOL.

But I had to.

I went into this process saying to my GP, literally: " I need a reality check."

It took me another (six?) months to actually dare to ask this question again (literally) after he had referred me to (first) for treatment of/for my alcoholism, whom where out of their depth, and transferred me to an anxiety 'ward' (for lack of a better word: I have always been free) and, when they were clearly 'out of their depth' as well, I said: I need a reality check...

Well, this has been "it".
I do not have a PD.
And I do not treatment in the realm as my TherapistMom defines it.
I'm more 'cured'... *, I'm more healthy I have ever been made to believe. (by my 'Therapist')

If anything, I should 'work' on my fleas.
And I can be grateful that those have been pointed out to me.
It's not 'me' after all.

Hallelujah!

[arpy1]

seems to me that just about everything she ever told you about yourself was more to do with herself than you. crazymakers again.

i'm with Zappa i think, all the most normal people are a bit crazy - it's gotta be more healthy than being a crazy-maker.