Does relaxation bring on dissociation?

[Indigochild]

Hello everyone

This is not a biggie, just a little question i have.
Does anyone know if dissociation can happen when you are relaxed?
Things have been stressful lately, on and off, usually lasting weeks at a time.- Flashbacks, brought on by events happening in my life.

I have not noticed myself experience dissociation lately, after the events have subsided, - I usually experience derealisation and / or, depersonalisation, but usually always derealisation.

This week, things were better after therapy session Tue just gone, -
Tue before the session, things didnt seem normal, (derealisaion perhaps, but wasnt sure if it was because something different was happening at place i volunteer at),
Wednesday, the day felt weird, it felt off, (thought perhaps cos i hadn't been out the house as usual),
Thurs, the day felt strange as well, off...
And today, friday, I have been at home all day, and the day has felt uncomfortably weird, very off, and tonight, I started feeling woozy in my head, - disassociated basically, and I am experiencing derealisiaion.

I think i have been experiencing derealisaion, but I dont feel i am behind glass looking at the world, so maybe I'm not experiencing de personalisation along with the derealisation.
I was wondering if being relaxed, just at home, disassociation can happen because he mind or body knows its relaxed, that its safe, and that its time to disassociate?

It makes more sense for me to disassociate during stressful events, and when around people, as the mind is saying *its too much*! and zones out..but what about when you are at home and everything is relaxed?
Do you think that being relaxed and safe is a trigger in itself?
Do you think there are hidden triggers that make us do it that we are not even aware of?
I know that some of it is pattern that the brain is used to and a defence mechanism that is no longer needed from childhood.

Just wondering what your opinions are on this.
Thanks

[tired]

What a great question. I would have to keep a journal because I don't know when it happens until later. 

I get caught off guard-relaxation (situations where nothing is really going on) makes me less alert and less vigilant. I know I tend to be more focused and present when there is a crisis.  It's like my brain doesn't know what to do unless there is a crisis of some sort that pushes me into action and the world becomes very clear and I'm a grown up in the moment.

It's unsettling and scary.  I don't know how to describe it.

[Dutch Uncle]

I have already identified longer with (regular)PTSD before I became aware of cPTSD.

Keyphrase for me in identifying with PTSD is (paraphrased): the inability to cope with 'not having a problem'.
'We' (and this includes PTSD) are so used having to 'fight', that our system goes bonkers when we don't have to. Which is major factor in  why PTSD sufferers going on a rampage, go 'pick a fight'.

So yeah: I do think 'relaxation brings on dissociation', and all other cPTSD symptoms. We need to learn to 'be happy' when we relax.
We really need to learn: "There is not a problem in the now. That is OK."

[tired]

Once when I went on paxil I felt too riled up and my therapist commented that I wasn't used to this new level of energy which was at normal level. 

I feel like I"m sometimes out of touch with reality but really it's just having a different reality for most of my life and the change seems odd.

[Indigochild]

Keeping a journal is a good idea tired.
Or even just writing it in a weekly diary, as well as the days that flashbacks happen, as in, the major ones that make u disassociate, or the ones where you notice you are disassociating, or when you come back and realise you have bene out of it, if what was written down before ie. flashback...that would make sense to me why i disassociated.

That makes so much sense what you said about if there is no action or crisis, we dont know how to be in the present moment when everything is calm.

[Indigochild]

Dutch Unkle, this makes a lot of sense-
reading this, I'm like- Of course!!!
'We' (and this includes PTSD) are so used having to 'fight', that our system goes bonkers when we don't have to. Which is major factor in  why PTSD sufferers going on a rampage, go 'pick a fight'.

When things are going well, i worry that they will be pulled from under my feet, ruined in the space of a second.
Our amygdalas are on guard, and light up signalling danger more than most peoples, because of our traumas etc....so being relaxed is new to us.
This is why fear can come when there is actually nothing to be afraid of (hypervigelant)...because the brain needs to follow the pattern its used to and this is its protection, as is dissociation...humm..interesting.
We talked about that in T this week too.
Not dissociation though, but it makes sense why we would disassociate maybe in fear that there is no safety in calmness.

Thanks a lot Dutch Uncle. Explains a lot.

[Indigochild]

Makes sense tired about the paxil and very interesting.
Our starter buttons are in the off position.
How crazy is that, - that we are not used to having a normal amount of energy. I didnt know that.
I guess it takes a lot of energy and brain power to disassociate.
I do hope it wasnt just the drug not agreeing with you.




I feel like I"m sometimes out of touch with reality but really it's just having a different reality for most of my life and the change seems odd.

[Indigochild]

THE ANSWER.
Hello good people.
Found out the reason why i disassociated unexpectedly.

I had been experiencing derealisaiton all week - before therapy on tue and then continued after therapy and all of that week- even though i felt better after discussing problems in therapy.
I didnt think i was disassociated because the derealisation wasn't accompanied by depersonalisation this time.
My T said to me that I was derealised due to triggers that lead to me being stressed.
She said that when you are finally at home  = the mind can think to itself-
oh, its a bit safer now- i need to get rid of this stress and have been trying to for ages-
but now its finally the time to let go-
and then the mind disasociates-
as that is its way- being a freeze type-
of releasing stress and tension.
How crazy- actually building up to proper dissociation for five days. I still find it hard to see (when I'm not out of my body)- weather this feeling of the world being *off* - *not normal*-
is actually BECAUSE it isn't or because i am experiencing drelaisation.
It is especially hard to tell when your schedule changes, or something different happens that is not the norm.
I think this can bring on derealisation but I'm not sure.
Change in schedule beyond your control can i believe. It has happened before. Lack of control is scary as i guess it reminds us of a time when we had no control in childhood.

I just wanted to write this to explain- just in case u guys wanted an answer at all- anyone else comes across this thread with the same question i asked, and thank you all for your imput on this.

[no_more_fear]

I don't know if this is relevant, but I've been listening to meditations/visualisations and I dissociate when I'm listening to them. It's actually the person speaking that depends on how much I dissociate. Like if it's a woman I'm reminded of my NM and every time I was with her when I was young I dissociated. I'm trying to stop dissociating, so all I can do now is silently meditate.

I was out earlier seeing a new T and I came home and dissociated for about two-hours, so yeah, any change to routine brings it on. I actually thought of listening to a visualisation to ground me and stop the dissociation, but then I remembered it sometimes dissociates me more  !

[Indigochild]

Hey No more fear, 
Its extremely relevant!!
How interesting that you disassociate. Not sure if i do, but my mind wonders and wont shut off so maybe I'm disassociating because I'm thinking of other things and cant turn off and then i have ocd thoughts, and apparently ocd ic thoughts and obsessions work to disassociate you.
Its all basically focusing on something else rather than the preasent.

Its not surprising that you would be reminded and then disassociate.
Did you know at the time that you were disassociating when with you NM?

Im in a way glad you can relate to change in routine making you disassociate
Helps me validate and trust that that may be one of the reasons why i disassociate when change of routine happens.

Good for you for not wanting to disasociate. Maybe we need skills to ground us and to believe that the present is in fact, safer than disassociating.
How great that you went to see a new T. Im so mega proud of you. Big 

[no_more_fear]

I remember that feeling coming over me everytime I was with my NM, as in my limbs got tingly etc-I assume that's because of the oxytocin or some chemical that was released from my brain. So I remember that, which is why I started equating my NM as a calming influence, becuse I'd become addicted to the dissociation which happened when I was around her. It was what happened with my old T who I was scared of. It sounds wierd, but what I'm trying to say is that when I was with my NM I wasn't in reality anymore, I'd gone to a 'happy place' that felt so much nicer than reality. Because of my lack of memories from then I don't know if I was aware of it or not. I don't think I knew what it was, but I was aware that this feeling came over me when I was with her.

Thank you for saying about that about me going to see a new T. Nice woman but she was unaware of narcissism and hadn't even dealt with anyone who'd had childhoood trauma, so I won't be going back, but I will keep looking.

Hope you're doing okay. 

[Indigochild]

No more fear,
Disassociation makes the body go numb and the nervous system too, and the emotions.
It releases endorphins, so it feels good to disassociate, which is why its so hard to bring back to the present as wed rather stay disassociated.
For some if its like , all of the time, it doesnt feel good to be away from reality however. Derealisation doest feel good but sometimes feels like you are in reality.
Do u have this?
So anyway, that is why the tingling happens i guess, lack of blood supply? dont know.
it may be the numbness felt physically.

Its so traumattising to not be in reality- with a narc u are not real in reality living according to their unhealthy ways, so we disassociate into our own world, and are not in reality then either.
Same NMf, i dont remember where it started either and i want to. It feel as though disassociating has suddenly started happening to me since my narc left, but maybe I'm only more aware of it now.
i have always experienced derealisation however.

When i went to see my T, i kind of interviewed her.
I looked up questions on the internet to ask a therapist and asked a lot of them.
I wrote down al my issues and what i suspected was going on with my mum and asked her if she deals with trauma etc, knws about narcs,
if she understands that i want a therapist who doesnt simply look at why i feel the way i do, but who understands that a particular type of abuse happened which is narcissistic abuse, and i am this way BECAUSE of the abuse.
That make sense?
I will see how it goes i can see someone else if not.

Hope you're doing okay too. 

[no_more_fear]

For some if its like , all of the time, it doesnt feel good to be away from reality however. Derealisation doest feel good but sometimes feels like you are in reality.
Do u have this?

I'm trying to think about this and I think derealisation may be my bigger problem. Most of the time I get really scared and now that I'm thinking about it, it may be because of the lack of reality because I've never liked the feeling. I don't know. I'm sorry I'm in an EF at the minute and I can't think straight.

In my ACOA group I get a big reality crash. During my sessions with my old T it wasn't reality, I knew that. So I do want to be back in reality, I know that much.

[no_more_fear]

For some if its like , all of the time, it doesnt feel good to be away from reality however. Derealisation doest feel good but sometimes feels like you are in reality.
Do u have this?

I'm trying to think about this and I think derealisation may be my bigger problem. Most of the time I get really scared and now that I'm thinking about it, it may be because of the lack of reality because I've never liked the feeling. I don't know. I'm sorry I'm in an EF at the minute and I can't think straight.

In my ACOA group I get a big reality crash. During my sessions with my old T it wasn't reality, I knew that. So I do want to be back in reality, I know that much.

nmf 

[Indigochild]

I understand this a lot No more fear.

I dont like derealisation. If its accompanied with de personaltion, I'm out of body and the world feels weird, but I'm more focused on how i feel like I'm watching myself but from inside myself and it feels I'm behind glass and everything sounds quite.
But i know whats happening. Derealsiation alone doesnt feel good to me.
Now when i notice it happening, i know what it is, so it doesnt feel as unpleasant, but still unpleasant.
our minds are cleaver, shutting down like that when its too much.