Information about Parenting

[Kizzie]

Here are some resources about parenting and trauma to explore.  If you have any to add please post them in this thread or PM me - tks!

• Parenting as a Survivor- Article from The Mama Bear Affect, a site for and about survivors of childhood sexual abuse
• Hand in Hand Parenting - Lots of great resources at this site regarding positive, healthy parenting
• Parenting with PTSD: Building Trauma Informed Families - https://parentingwithptsd.wordpress.com/
• A Love Letter to Cycle Breaking Heroes - http://www.motherhoodandmore.com/2015/12/a-love-letter-to-the-cycle-breakers.html
• Parenting with PTSD - https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/parenting-with-ptsd-trauma-ptsd
• 10 Things I've Learned About Parenting with PTSD - https://themighty.com/2017/08/things-ive-learned-about-parenting-with-ptsd/
• Talking to Kids about Personality Disorders - http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/TalkingToKids.html
• Parallel Parenting - http://www.outofthefog.net/SeparatingAndDivorcing/ParallelParenting.html
• Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome - http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/ParentalAlienationSyndrome.html

[LilyITV]

I loved the "Love Letters to Cycle Breaking Heroes".  Even before I sought help for C-PTSD and before I realized how damaging my childhood experience was, I was determined to give my children the childhood I never had. 

The one thing I worry about now whether I am emotionally available enough to my children.  I have just started therapy and I am still trying to process how out of touch I am with my emotions.   Can a person who is so out of touch possibly give children the emotional support they need??

[Kizzie]

i worried about this too Lily and what guided me through was the fact that I love my son and made every effort to show him and not to let my trauma spill onto him. 

Really, it's all about knowing you're loved and safe and valued imo.  Many of us here did not have this sadly. 

[Kizzie]

I came across this this morning - The Rise of the Trauma-Informed Mothers.  I love the last para and in particular the last line:

We are standing up, speaking out, reaching out, and lifting our children out of the generational dysfunctions that previously we felt powerless to do. The rise of the trauma informed parent is empowering the systems that foster our recovery to re-think recovery as usual.

Shift is happening. 



See also an article at the OOTS blog "Parenting and the Legacy of Childhood Trauma" Part 1 and Part 2

[Not Alone]

A Love Letter to Cycle Breaking Heroes - http://www.motherhoodandmore.com/2015/12/a-love-letter-to-the-cycle-breakers.html
Today I feel like a failure as a parent, wondering how much I have messed up my kids. I wanted normal, healthy lives for them. How much has my brokenness hurt them? This letter was an encouragement to me. I'm not a perfect parent, but my children are not growing up in a home of abuse. Thanks for sharing this.

[Blueberry]

notalone, I'm not a parent myself but want to send you some  for having to raise children while having cptsd and for the effort you are making to give them normal, healthy lives. I eventually didn't even have the energy to not neglect my beloved Little Furries when I needed to take them to the vet's so I cannot begin to imagine how I would manage to raise emotionally healthy children.

I read the letter you linked - it's great and I'm glad it's encouraging you. (I note there's a little mistake in the link, which I'll try and correct for you. )

[Kizzie]

Hi notalone - I know all I ever really wanted even as an adult was to know that I was loved, supported and important to my parents and I think most children are the same (i.e., children who know they are loved are resilient).   

[Not Alone]

Blueberry and Kizzie,
Thank you for your encouraging words.

[Kizzie]

 

[Kizzie]

A few more resources I came across -- for parents on how to explain PTSD to their children:

How Parents With PTSD Can Talk to Their Children About Their Symptoms, C. Finch, 2019

Explaining PTSD to Children, Dr. Frank Ochberg

Explaining My Husband's PTSD to My Daughter, L. Farrow, 2016

Helping Children Cope with a Parent's PTSD,  B. Moore, Psychology Today, 2012

[Kizzie]

Came across this private Facebook Group today  "Parents with PTSD/C-PTSD".  It looks like there are 5 moderators and they have some good guidelines in place. 

[Kizzie]

Saw this book online today and while it's for professionals working with children/youth, it might be of interest - "Conversations that Make a Difference for Children and Young People: Relationship-Focused Practice from the Frontline" by Lisa Cherry, 2021. 

In this unique book, international trainer and consultant Lisa Cherry invites professionals from education, social work and healthcare to engage in conversations on a range of pertinent topics and issues affecting children and young people today.

Divided into three main parts, which introduce attachment, adversity and trauma, each discussion places an emphasis on emotion and the understanding that we have as humans for compassion, empathy and connection.

[Kizzie]

Brand new book about parental alienation I came across on Twitter today: Challenging Parental Alienation: New Directions for Professionals and Parents, (2022) by J. Mercer & M. Drew (Eds).

This book addresses the concept of parental alienation – the belief that when a child of divorced parents avoids one parent, it may be because the preferred parent has persuaded the child to do this. It argues against the unquestioning use of parental alienation concepts in child custody conflicts.

Increasing use of this concept in family courts has led at times to placement of children with abusive or violent parents, damage to the lives of preferred parents, and the use of treatments that have not been shown to be safe or effective. The 13 chapters cover the history and theory of "parental alienation" principles and practices. Methodological and research issues are considered, and diagnostic and treatment methods associated with "parental alienation" beliefs as well as those recommended by research and ethical evidence are analyzed. The connections of "parental alienation" with gender and domestic violence issues are discussed as are the experiences of individuals who have experienced "parental alienation" treatments. The book argues that "parental alienation" principles and practices should be avoided by family courts, in the best interests of children in custody disputes.

This book will be useful reading for lawyers, judges, children's services workers including social workers, child protection court workers, and mental health professionals involved in child custody decisions.

[Kizzie]

Parenting as a Survivor of Childhood Trauma from the Trauma Research Foundation Feb 2022.

[Kizzie]

New resource from the Foundation Trust: Turning the Tide: Parenting in the Wake of Past Trauma