Interested in your experiences with therapy/support. What is helpful?

[Ambivalent]

Hi. I am from Norway and in my late twenties. Got diagnosed with CPTSD about a year ago. At the same time I was also diagnosed with an unspecified dissociative disorder.
I've been told that I need professional help but that I am to unstable to benefit from psychotherapy, which was kind of hard to hear since the word unstable sounds like you are out of control and I do not identify with that at all. Still, I must agree with psychotherapy not being a got option for me since it has only made me worse in the past.
First of all I am here to learn about what other people has experienced as helpful. And even though it pains me immensely that so many people have to experience so much * I am glad to know that there are someone out there who can understand. I hope to be inspired.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Ambivalent 

That's indeed a tough spot to be in. Did those who diagnosed you with cPTSD and the unspecified dissociative disorder not give you any clue about what could be done first, or instead of, psychotherapy? My guess would be they should be able to suggest some sort of professional help to get you started.
I think it's great you say you don't feel 'out of control', and I guess that's exactly what 'they' meant with 'unstable': You are not out of control.

Personally, I'm not in therapy either, as I have not been diagnosed with anything officially, though I have been diagnosed with not having PD's or an anxiety disorder. On the one hand a relief, on the other hand a bummer since I have no clear goal for, or road to, recovery either.

Being part of this community has been a great help though, and I am finding my own way to recovery at the moment.
Perhaps psychotherapy will be a follow up on this in the future. But for now this has been a great site to work through some of my 'inhibitions'.

Welcome,

Dutch Uncle.

[Boatsetsailrose]

#possible trigger warning

Hello ambivalent
My own experiences of therapy have spanned over 20 yrs -
I did few yrs of psychotherapy/ psychodynamic / hypnotherapy and whilst it helped get me out of suicidal thinking and complete split off from myself (disassociation ) it wasn't the whole answer -..
I was using and drinking as well through these times so am sure that didn't help -

I also did some gestalt stuff

Looking back I just didn't know myself
At all and having someone to talk to in a therapeutic way and build a relationship was so key I think to helping me

I went private in all the therapy I had . I didn't know about cptsd until recently and so I just went for therapists I liked the look of and had some experience on their side -

When I identified with cptsd last yr I self referred to a service funded by the NHS in uk and told them I thought I had cptsd - all the years I just thought I was a messed up person who suffered depression I suddenly had something tangible to relate to a 'disorder ' that I was suffering with and had affected my whole life and I felt such a huge sense of relief and sanity
That service assigned me the lead child trauma therapist and I worked
With her for 4 mths -
I was absolutely blessed to work with her - there wasn't much digging into the past she just worked with where I was at , what I was currently experiencing and my issues in life .
She worked from a cbt / dbt - relational approach with some psychotherapy but mainly cbt . I really got to understand how my mind works and how to get some control over it
The relational work was all about the relationship I have and don't  have with myself and my relationships with others
A big body of the work was emotional regulation and compassion towards myself
Self esteem stuff and my attitude that I hold of myself

I'll never be able to thank her enough for what she gave me - she is very talented and we would cover so much in an hour it was jaw dropping

So my suggestion to you is explore what the issues are you hold and find the best that can match with a good solution -
Having someone specialised in the field is key I think - who really 'gets it' and you feel they get you ...
Is it that a service has taken you and that they dictate what u have ?
Being clear is so helpful but then I know when I've been desperate I've gone with whatever
It's good you have a a diagnosis for therapy to match that collection of specific symptoms - no one over the years actually said 'you have child trauma ' even though it was obvious I just thought I was weak, too sensitive and a dyfunctional girl now I know I have cptsd and it happens to me not that there is anything essentially wrong * me as a human being -
I am so grateful for every bit of help I have recieved over the years I honestly don't think I would be alive without it -
and being here on this forum is wonderful
I wish u the very best for your recovery journey 🌸

[pawprint76]

Hi, Ambivalent. Sounds like you're just starting your journey to wellness. I applaud those first steps, because they are the hardest      I am not a professional. However, I have been through A LOT of therapy and counseling. I have found it all to be incredibly beneficial. I do have to say that I have come across some professionals who have been real stinkers. I have no idea how those people managed to become licensed, and even make money in their profession. Moving on...

Putting out that I'm not a professional, I'll say that psychotherapy is a whole different animal than simple therapy. Psychotherapy is a much more intense type of therapy that requires a decent amount of self-awareness of the individual. Simple therapy, or talking to a professional, is usually the best place to start. For someone to say that you're not "stable" enough is kind of crappy. I'm sorry he or she said that to you.

I do not know what the medical industry is like in Norway. My first move if I were in your position would be to find out how to locate a therapist. Please do not feel discouraged if you don't click with that person. Sometimes it takes a visit with two or three, or even more, therapists before you feel a connection, and feel you can trust that person.

I hope you're able to find what you're looking for!

-Pawprint76

[Ambivalent]

Thank you for welcoming me, for all your well wishes and sharing your thoughts on various treatment options!

I had been in the situation I wrote about in the first post for more than half a year, but right after I posted it there was a change. I have now been assigned a therapist from my local mental health facility. We will work together following methods described in a book that is called "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists" by Suzette Boon, Kathy Steel and Onno van der Hart. 
I have met my T a couple of times and even though its new and I feel scared about therapy I am also curious. I really hope that it can help me get somewhere because I'm so tired of feeling stuck in my "pattern". This pattern is basically "running running running", never stopping because I'm so afraid of what I might feel If I allow myself to pause. Obviously if you keep doing this you crash and I do and then everything stops for a while, but as soon as I start to feel again I have to start running/keeping myself occupied again and so it goes...

It is nice to see that you have such positive things to say about being a part of this community.
Reading that Boatsetsailrose have had such a great experience with a trauma specialized therapist and that you feel like over all the help you have received over the years was important and helped you get to where you are today was especially encouraging to read. I also think it is interesting to hear that you could get a lot of work done even without digging so much into the past.

Since I have been "in" the mental health system for most of my life, I have done a lot of digging. Early on I learned to speak "on autopilot" without really being present. Now talking to a T about the past or traumatic events always leaves me feeling awful and like I do not even own myself. I enter a state where I just talk (and not in a good way). I would like to be aware of what I am saying and how I feel about it or have the opportunity to say "I do not want to answer that question right now because it feels too intimate" or just be able to think while I am in the conversation, but I can not. Are there anyone else that have experienced anything like this?