Do's and Dont's Caregivers Should Know About

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Atticus Finch

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Do's and Dont's Caregivers Should Know About
« on: October 29, 2015, 09:34:53 AM »
I thought this question might help this community:

-What can carers do (or avoid doing) to support you, the sufferers, better?
-How can you, the sufferers, help carers do that?

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Dutch Uncle

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Re: Do's and Dont's Caregivers Should Know About
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2015, 09:55:49 AM »
Such big questions phrased in so few words…

So I can only answer in as few words as well, in a very general way:

- Treat us as you treat anybody else.
- Be ourselves. All of it.

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arpy1

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Re: Do's and Dont's Caregivers Should Know About
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2015, 10:26:18 AM »
i have three people who support me:

my adult kids... they are always kind, loving and offer their wisdom when i ask.  they are my kids, though,  so i try to protect them still from my craziness when i am at my worst. they know the basic details. i try not to totally fall apart on them becos i don't think it's fair. but at a source of loving support they are wonderful.

my GP is my biggest support. it has taken a while but i mostly trust him these days. trust is an issue for most of us. My GP is consistent, and very respectful, never oversteps boundaries but obviously cares and wants to help. he doesn't need to be perfect or always get it right, becos the other qualities are more important. i have trusted him with seeing me at my most needy and he doesn't hate me and hasn't got fed up with me (yet).

i think for me, it is key to recognise limits and boundaries and not to ask more of people than they can give.

it is important that each of us takes the responsibility for our own healing - i spent years wanting someone to rescue me. plenty of people 'promised' that but in the end it doesn't work. no one can do that for another person - it puts too much strain on a relationship.

(in my marriage, i was the rescuer and after twenty difficult years,discovered to my horror that far from helping my ex, i just made him more dependent and reinforced the very things i was trying to heal.)    i think i learnt out of all the mistakes i made that empowerment comes from respectfully giving back responsibility to the person but with positive support and if possible, practical help to acquire coping skills.

don't know if that's what you were looking for with that question, i can only share from my own experience. hope it helps

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Atticus Finch

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Re: Do's and Dont's Caregivers Should Know About
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2015, 08:10:54 PM »
Thanks both. From the heart is best. Trust an openness resonate with me very much. Trying to protect each other. yes, but not at the absolute expense of the first two.

One reason for writing this is I have been in contact with someone who has helped me understand. -A mature adult abused at the same age as child C. While they in the past they shared a lot of valuable long term insights on a whole life under the cloud of this thing, I never know if I should keep saying what is going on with my own child. I do not want it to get in the way of the other things that we connect on.

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steamy

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Re: Do's and Dont's Caregivers Should Know About
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2015, 04:23:34 PM »
I am having issues with my SO who refuses to take my PTSD seriously. I have sent her the bloom paper which I think is the best brief synopsis of how we're affected by CPTSD. She has never bothered to read it. I have practically begged her several times.

When I have a flash back or am triggered such as this morning when I got into an argument with her Dad, she called med an idiot.

So advice is as follows: or experiences make us who we are, when we're hurting it's a time when it's easy to lash out. None of us like that we have such difficulty with inter-personal relationships and expressing ourselves. It doesn't make us stupid or bad people, we just don't have the tools to operate in another way.

Cptsd from childhood trauma changes the way the brain is wired so our reactions to minor stimulations are often not what you'd expect.

I disagree that we are responsible for everything we do, surely if were wired differently and don't have better models what else can we do? Scientists are only just realising that criminals behave the way they do due to the way their brain is wired and it pre-disposes them to getting into trouble. It's the same for us on a milder scale.

What we need is love and acceptance. When we screw up it's not or fault.

Don't mother us out take pity.

Peopled are attracted to partners with similar levels of mental health  so take this opportunity to take a close look inward. You probably have issues too. (My partner has chronic constipation didn't have a meaningful relationship before the aged of 35 and her mother is a deformed smoker turned compulsive gamer and insomniac. There are problems in the family but nobody is talking about them. When you have a mental health problem everybody looks at you like you're nuts and never look at themselves. Don't do that.

When your partner gets better you'll be unable to relate to their new levels of mental health and its common for relationships to fail. So quickly realise that you're in this together.