Social Anxiety

[samantha19]

I'm only recently coming to terms with the fact that I seem to have C-PTSD. I fit the criteria pretty much perfectly and I've had the life experience to back that up. I knew I had social anxiety but now I understand more what it's rooted in.
I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to recover because it's so, so lonely when you can't fit in with people and make new friends. I believe people hate me and think I'm a weirdo / freak when they don't. Like my social anxiety keeps getting proven wrong recently because these people don't hate me and they keep showing that, but I've had so many bad experiences what with bullying and abuse that it's like I have a default understanding of what people think of me.
Even when people prove they don't hate me it doesn't take long till my head is back to finding reasons why they must.
I want to get better. I want to stop feeling like I'm separated from other people by this thick veil. I want to make connections and not be sitting wanting to die every day I go to work because I can't handle the pressure that the need to socialise brings. I want to make new friends and be happy.
My life isn't really that bad, it's actually really pretty good now! But I'm struggling so much to enjoy it because of the way my past has affected me.
I haven't told my doctor that I think I have PTSD. I'm not sure they'll be much use because they're usually not too urgent (like I've told them I'm suicidal and all that's happened is I've been given pills and a charity counselling number?) So idk what to do.
I just don't want to be isolating myself from other people forever.
I have this strong desire to connect to other people. I feel truly happy when I begin to be able to but it tends not to last because of anxiety taking over. Will I be this way forever? What can I do to make it better? I just want to be able to talk to people without the terror of thinking they will hate me / I'll * up and my body shaking, heart racing etc. Social anxiety sucks.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Samantha19 

It's a tough road we're on, but I'm so happy you joined up.
Yep, ( c)PTSD does this to us. Can't feel happy when all is OK... "Where is the bloody PROBLEM ? I know there is going to be ONE !!! Where the bloody * is it? Hmmm, now?! Own up!!!"


Welcome, and I hope you'll stick around. It takes time to accept there isn't a problem. Around here a problem isn't even a problem. We're all in the same boat. A 'love' boat.

[Laynelove]

Hi,

I have social anxiety too which drives me crazy because I am not an introvert (everybody labels me as this because of my anxiety and because I self isolate when I'm depressed). I do have friends and a job regardless and I'm pretty proud of myself for that and you should be too! The fact that you have connections when you have social anxiety is awesome because u really are facing your fears daily.

I totally get it though, for me the friendships I have aren't satisfying only because I can't connect with them on a deeper level, my friendships and relationships are all surface level.

I started out doing a 20 week cbt program from the social anxiety institute and it was absolutely awesome but I stopped because I have other issues I want to work out first. It costs around $250 (which is cheap because if u saw a therapist it would be that price per session) and the guy that designed the program is an ex sufferer himself. It's an audio program and you can download it online, it's had the best reviews I've seen yet for social anxiety.

I have decided to do schema therapy first though which changes core beliefs. One of my main core beliefs is defectiveness/shame so I am really keen to get that sorted first because I think it is key to me recovering from social anxiety. I plan to pick that therapy back up when I finish my schema program.

For you, I'm no therapist but I think it's important to heal some other things first before you try and cure your social anxiety. If u are hypersensitive to critisism or you fear intimacy, it's going to be extra hard for you to start putting yourself out there socially without wanting to crawl back into a hole. Social anxiety can be cured though and only you yourself will know when your ready to start a treatment program, but cbt is the best thing for it and the social anxiety institute is brilliant and I couldn't recommend it more! You've got this. You can do it

[woodsgnome]

Samantha19,

I too often feel like, nice as people are, the other shoe is bound to fall. Maybe they'll freak that I like green and they like red, it can be as simple and stupid as that. I never give myself the benefit of the doubt; they're right, I'm wrong, I run from fear that I'll hurt their feelings even more when they find out I don't always like yellow, either.


It's as you say, mostly a habit. But it's pernicious in its staying power. I have no sure-fire answers, per usual. But I have tried something that sometimes helps; and feel bad when I forget it—but I'm always looking for reasons to beat myself up (another habit...sigh).

I'm pretty much retired now, but I used to be an actor, amongst other jobs (all of them involving people-contact, surprisingly). One day, anxious as usual before a performance, I started just to silently say "peace" on the in-breath; and "love" on the exhale. Sometimes I'd reverse the order; what seemed to matter more wasn't any precise order, just that I put those two words in play. It seemed to diminish the fear somewhat, at least for that while, but it was what I needed when I needed it.


So maybe next time you can try that? As another saying I ran across once puts it, try "playing with options". Actually, I think the playing part serves us better than calling everything work or technique. Playing, even as just a word, has a better feel for me, anyway. Peace/love;love/peace. Play with options.

[samantha19]

Hi everyone,

thanks for your kind replies. It does help to know you're not alone.

I completely identify with that, Laynelove! I honestly think I'm an extrovert, something I've recently realised, as when I actually interact with people my depression seems to shift and I am really happy! But most of the time I'm, like, drowning in social anxiety so I come across as an introvert and I used to believe that I was one. If it wasn't for social anxiety though, I do think I'd be an extroverted person.

Yeah, I've been doing CBT as well and it's pretty good, it's just I also feel my problems might be more deeply rooted than that. It really is my core beliefs that are flawed as I think when I was developing my self esteem and self image were just under such attack that I took that in and it shaped my core beliefs. So yeah, I'll have a look into schema therapy, thank you

And I know exactly what you mean woodsgnome. It's so silly but it's hard to force yourself to see past it. I always think if people don't already hate me they're going to start to soon. It's like I'm waiting on it to happen. It's dreadful because I know on some level that people are generally nice and friendly and have no reason to dislike you so long as you are nice and friendly too. But still, the feeling persists on being there. It's a major pain in the *!

Also, the breathing in and out thing really helps me too. I do one that goes "In, out, present moment, wonderful moment." I got it from a bhuddist book and it actually really works for me. Things like that are brilliant for focusing on the present moment and calming down. I'll give the peace, love one a try too

Thanks again everyone <3 Good long in your own journeys!