No X-mas with 'mom'.

[Dutch Uncle]

I never know for sure if I should put posts like this under "Progress/success" or "Frustrated/setbacks"  I guess that's because it's all so utterly confusing...

Anyway, long story short:
Today I received a X-mas/birthdayparty (both of them being the 25th) invitation by 'mom'.
I wrote back: I will not be attending.

This is quite a thing, as I, as the only one of my siblings, have attended her birthday for 20 years straight. Consciously that is, 20 years ago I made a vow to do so, whatever it would take. I don't recall missing many before that either.
Bro and sis came on and off. Fine, it's a difficult date, especially if you have in-laws. I get that. Their call. I never cared for the reason why or why not they attended. Even if THEY thought I should care about it, because it would be beyond "This year spouse and I will be at the in-laws." "Meh..." I said and did, in these cases. I guess I already did MC before I knew the value of it. 
Yeah, mom's birthday is on X-mas, it sucks, relax already, nobody can help it. For once it's not mom's fault. Quit whining to me, even if 'mom' whines about it. I know the drill. Relax, it's nothing new, yeah I think it suck too.

Last year she had a Jubilee that ended in disaster, through no fault of my own, BUT THROUGH THE FAULT OF EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED, INCLUDING DRAMAMOM!
Good grief, that I actually would shout that out some day.
YES!!!! I BLAME EVERYBODY BUT ME!!!! BECAUSE THEY ALL SABOTAGED EVERY EFFORT ANYBODY MADE!!!!! INCLUDING MINE!!! I SABOTAGED NOTHING!!!! I WOULD BE THERE, BY DEFAULT!!!!! AND I DID, REGARDLESS!!!!

I intent to be very MC towards 'mom' about the "why are you not coming?" 
I know the reasons, but "there is no reasoning with the unreasonable", so I'll have to bite my tongue.

Holiday season has started! I have never been anxious about it, and in fact I always have made sure I felt absolutely fine when going to her birthday, and usually got of unharmed. But this year there is going to be another attempt at a get-together, and I just can't stomach it anymore.
Literally. I just came back from a walk (after I had told her "No, I'm not coming"), and I actually had a 'knot in my stomach', as the saying goes in Holland.
This is the first time I bail out. And to be honest, it's the first time I WANT TO bail out. I know what's coming... From 'mom', NCsis and Bro. Enough already.
And I'm pretty sure that, just like I had made the commitment to be there on my mom's birthday, however sucky the date was, I am now following up on the commitment that has been growing ever since last year (and was reinforced by multiple ABUSE hurled at me since, over this failed Jubilee, which I attended just as faithfully as ever), that this is the first year of a long tradition of staying away from the drama.

Wish me strength.
I'll need it.
I. Must. Not. Waver.
Even now when I have presented everybody with the perfect excuse to hurl filth at me.
I'm done with the Foodoo-spells they cast. 
They'll be coming my way 'ever which way' anyhow. I might as well start running while I still can, and take a lead that cannot be bested.

[Dutch Uncle]

LOL.
The phone rang. I've let it rang.
Indeed. It's 'mom'.

I guess I'm pissing on her parade. 

[Dutch Uncle]

News travels fast...

An e-mail: (note to mods: this is a translation, so not a verbatim quote)
Hi [name],
Bummer!
That you won't attend my birthday.
I'll miss you.
And, I respect your decision.
I love you.
Your mother.

I hope the 'respect' is a true statement. 

Now, where will I party on X-mas day? Any takers?

[arpy1]

   keep being strong Dutch Uncle.

fwiw, i think you are doing the exact right thing. and yes, i guess it is triggering (re the knot in the stomach) and may continue to be, especially if she/they turn up the heat. but you are right to protect yourself and refuse to be made crazy by crazymakers. any flashbacks it may cause you will deal with with your customary wisdom and strength. 

am supporting you lots, keep posting whenever you need a boost on this one, dear friend. here for you 

[tired]

Progress doesn't always feel good because it comes with guilt and fear of repercussion. Still it's progress.