communicating distress to a friend

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communicating distress to a friend
« on: October 19, 2015, 10:30:52 PM »
I have a problem that I'm trying to figure out and wonder if you could offer advice. I was bullied by 2 narcs in a new country in the first few months I lived here. Its a small ex-pat community and so its hard to avoid them but I usually don't bother to go to events they are at. However, they have taken to organising social occasions that all of our friends go to. Mostly, I haven't really noticed. not having a night out is not that big a deal for me. But last Friday I was really looking forward to catching up with a good friend after a really difficult week at work and instead he told me he knew I'd had a hard week but he was catching up with the group that night so, bye.

I respect his right to have good boundaries, but it really triggered me. I felt utterly abandoned, and that the group mentality of bullying meant more to him than my welfare. It has taken over 2 days to get out of the well of despair. He came over to my house on the weekend but I was still too upset to even talk about it. We talked about the difficult political situation at work and he was trying to lay down blame, which I don't want to do.  I think he just wants to compartmentalise me to fitness buddy rather than part of a social group or friendship.

I'm really not sure how I feel about that! With the narcs, I wrote them off. This friend is not a narc. He has flaws but is basically a sound and good person. So I'm not sure how to tell him how hurtful I find it that he can't organise his life to include me with validity rather than become a flying monkey to the narcs and leave me  isolated.

Anyone got any ideas? thanks