Maybe inner critic issue, maybe valid

Started by PaintedBlack, June 05, 2015, 02:15:55 PM

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PaintedBlack

ever since I found the forum, I've been reading lots of posts and have an overwhelming feeling that I've been looking for years for you guys, & I finally found you. Like I knew my people were here somewhere, & I visited a lot of other places but I didn't find my people.

I've posted in response to a few threads, but I know I should also be communicating my own issues. I am working on my own issues and I'm in the middle of reading Pete walkers book.  but for so long I've been used to being alone, solving all my problems myself in my own head. I'm not really used to framing them to communicate them to someone else. I don't think it's a trust issue I think its a heavy self-reliance issue? Maybe it's a trust issue. I don't know.

anyway if I seem like I'm giving too much encouragement to others and not asking for enough at any time,  please let me know early if I'm doing anything inappropriate, & I will change. Because I don't ever want to lose you guys. I think what I'm trying to say is I'm having some sort of fear of not doing something I'm supposed to do to make sure that I fit into this community and be a good member of it. Because I can see that you all are like me, & I don't want to do anything wrong.oh boy I'm really rambling.when you long for someone to understand you for as long as I have, and then you find a bunch of people that obviously do, of course you get worried that maybe you will make a mistake or there's something you don't know but you're supposed to, right?alright I'm rapidly descending into self doubt but I'm going to take a leap of faith and post this anyway. Because I think you'll get it.

I think what I'm trying to say it I'm really glad to be here.

PaintedBlack

I was having a little panic attack, maybe EF (trying to get the lingo down) but I am feeling a little better.  :stars:

Dutch Uncle

I'm also really glad you are here, PaintedBlack  :hug:

C.

Hello PaintedBlack,  I'm sorry you were having such a tough time w/self doubt.  And you're right, yes, we get it.  And everything you're writing is good and ok.  One way to work on our own stuff is to provide support and understanding with others.  It is a bit of a balancing act and no one is here to judge that path for you.  I know that for myself it's a daily decision how much to learn, support, etc. And most of us also have doubts or fears about posting here.  But you summoned up the courage to write about it and press send, bravo! :hug:  I look forward to continuing to hear from you on the forum on your healing journey.

Trees

Oh PaintedBlack, this post of yours, so open and vulnerable, brought tears to my eyes.  I do so identify with those fears of yours.  I am so glad you are here!      :big hug:

No matter how much you share, I am glad you are here.

And I don't see how offering lots of encouragement could be a bad thing, ever, dear PB !    :hug:

woodsgnome

#5
Well, Painted Black, that's at least two of us...'cause my inner critic rises up and yammers about what can I really contribute? Who cares what I think? Can't really be useful, what do I know? Who do I think I am and who cares (again)?

But at least on this group I'm learning that it's all of us sharing, some more/some less and the judgments we're so crippled by were left behind.  We've all dealt enough with those.

By nature (learned from my freeze style of cptsd) I shy away from hugging much, but you deserve a huge one.  :hug: Thanks so much for opening your heart; I've slowly realized it's not as risky or dangerous to do that here.

PaintedBlack

Wow thanks so much. You have eased my fears and now I will enjoy Friday night TV with my hubby with no worries. I can't thank you guys enough and hope everyone has a well deserved restful and peaceful Friday.  :hug: :hug:

Kizzie

#7
Quote from: woodsgnome on June 05, 2015, 08:10:47 PM
...my inner critic rises up and yammers about what can I really contribute? Who cares what I think? Can't really be useful, what do I know? Who do I think I am and who cares (again)?

I hope it's OK to answer your ICr WG ;D

What can I really contribute? Lots!

Who cares what I think? We do!

Can't really be useful, what do I know? You know lots and sharing your experience of CPTSD helps all of us.

Who do I think I am and who cares? A member of a community of wonderful people who happen to have CPTSD and have come here to heal, learn, and support and encourage one another  :hug:


And one for you too PB  :hug:  We're glad you're here.


no_more_fear

PaintedBlack,

I just wanted you to know how much your message meant to me. Everything you say resonates with me so much and we all know exactly where you're coming from in this, so don't ever worry that you're not doing anything right, but yeh, that ICr will no doubt say this a hundred more times, but now you can keep coming back to this thread to see how wrong that ICr is and how we all really feel, if you know what I mean.

So often I think that people won't be able to understand what I'm saying because I barely do most of the time  :stars: My thoughts are so often jumbled that I delete what I write because I think it's come out all wrong! I hope I've made a bit of sense though. What I really want you to know is that we're all here with you, feeling what you feel and thinking those same thoughts.

:hug: :hug: :hug: