Im crushed

[JohnnyBoy]

Went back to court the other day, now mind you, I paid all court cost and everything. Got all the way down there, I wasn't even put on the court documents, and the court gave her full custody and full rights back, my rights are still stripped. She had promised me when I sent the money, the papers were to be filed as joint custody and both of us getting our rights back. Afterwards however she claimed they wouldn't let her do that.

[arpy1]

oh JB,  to you.

[JohnnyBoy]

Ty Arpy, its hard, tonight, I had to miss my 5 yr old daughters first school play because my ex chose to wait to tell me about it at the last minute, not that I could have gotten off work anyway *sighs, I missed my sons last year. I hope this all ends soon. There's an old song that come to mind, the chorus speaks volumes..."Take it away, take it away, take it away, take away this ball and chain, I'm lonely, I'm tired, and I can't take nomore pain, take  away this ball and chain, yeah take it away,  take it away, take it away, never to return again, take away this ball and chain" Happened to come across it the other day listening to the radio at work, came and bought the song on iTunes. Its almost verbatim how I feel.

[arpy1]

i'm so sorry it happened like this, JB. thinking of you lots. keep us posted won't you?   

[JohnnyBoy]

of course I will, * sighs I'm still pretty much being given no choice but to take her back, I mean her dad pretty much made no bones about it "take her * to your home state and keep her there!" Sooo, it doesn't quite seem to matter that I'm talking to someone else, nothing serious, not ready for that, but still talking.

[JohnnyBoy]

My ex called my this moring begging me to come get her and the kids, shes says shes feeling suicidal again, I'm very worried because I haven't heard from her since 1:30 this afternoon. I only pray she didn't start drinking again.

[arpy1]

thinking of you hon, know this is so hard for you. much support to you 

[C.]

I haven't posted yet because your experience is still raw and painful for me to respond to.  And it's been 3 years.  After being the  primary caregiver for 13 yrs for my son, my ex wouldn't let me see him one summer for about 3 months.  It was b/c I was "crazy" (CPTSD cause by NPD ex), but I was always safe w/my son.  Stressed sometimes, but safe.  That was the hardest time of my life.  Looking back on it I remember being extremely depressed and looking for escape through an unhealthy life style.  I couldn't work.  Now my son is 16 and he sees better what happened at that time.  He talks about how his father lied and manipulated and didn't take responsibility as a father.
That was my experience.  Yours is different, but the separation.  I just wanted to let you know that I think I understand a bit about that pain.  And it sounds like your daughter might be w/you now...


Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you are experiencing this, and I trust things will get better.  It sounds like you are a very dedicated father and I believe that will pay off for you and your daughter.

[JohnnyBoy]

Two daughters and a son, no they are with her. And up until last summer she was also safe with the children, but that was before the drinking and drugs. Now she has destroyed any trust I had in her. I'm not being manipulative or dishonest about her, just truthful. I honestly wish things could be different with us and we could be a family, but I'm not sure that can ever really happen. Thank you Arpy and C. your support means the world to me.

[arpy1]

loads of  dear JB

[C.]

Your welcome JB.  I am grateful that we can be of some support for you during this time. 

[Bimsy]

My mother did the same thing to my father and it broke him, I really hope that you can find strength through all of this and that you still feel important and needed as a father no matter what! <3
I really wish I had my father today so you hang in there!
I am cheering for you and hope that you will be reunited with your children soon!

[JohnnyBoy]

Don't you worry about that Bims, she will never break me, I'm a quarter Shawnee, a quarter Cherokee and half German Jew, lol none of us broke, may have bent alittle until we saw our moment, but never broke. I love my children way to much to let her break me, I will fight her tooth and nail. She doesn't really want them, oh she puts on a good show for acouple months, when I'm not around, then I come back and she ends up never home, or the kids and I go out and she never goes with. Ultimately sending me and kids to states away for months at a time to my moms house, partying and everything else while we're gone, then boom she'll start crying she was wrong she wants to work it out. I say all of that to say this, My Children Have Made It Crystal Clear.....they wish to be with me and my family, they do not want to be with their mother, my oldest daughter has blatantly told her mother that she hates her. I am of course sad to hear a 5 yr old say that, but I can not blame her. The child is autistic, and her  mother (claiming inability to handle or deal with her) has handed her off to anybody and everybody. I myself can attest, she can be a handful (especially if left unmedicated) but she is MY daughter, MY baby girl, I made her, I will deal with her. And it surprises my ex that the child listens to me and not her. Lol sorry I had to vent. For the record, I have had, I guess it would be refered to as physical possession of my 5 yr old for the better part of the last four years, my 8 yr old son almost as much, my 4 yr old honestly very little, she will not hardly relinquish her. The 4 yr old is epileptic, and she swears she has papers where the docter refused to release her to travel. But whats ironic, when shes with her mother she has wall to wall seizures, she was with me for 2 months last summer....not a single seizure the entire time. she had had so many before she came here they had changed her meds 4 times, and been hospitalized at least 3 times.

[Bimsy]

I am glad to read that you've got spirit, JohnnyBoy! 

It sounds like your children need a safe and stable life, especially because of their special needs.
It makes me wonder how she could have gotten custody of them in the first place but I've heard so many similar stories that I am not surprised any more. 

You keep writing and fighting!
I'd love to read more of what's going on, I bet a happy ending isn't far away now! 

[JohnnyBoy]

I...um....have a predicament brewing, a ladyfriend I have been talking to on and off for a few months wants to...uh....step it up....however....my ex wont let the "us getting back together" go, she says we are getting married next week, I'm like "WHA?!!http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/Smileys/classic/stars.gif "We are?" what the * do I do? If I quote un quote break it off with my ex (you know what I mean) It could spell disaster for the kids, not to mention she is bringing the kids up for Christmas, and she is notorious for reading my phone messages, if she finds a text from "my friend" oye vie!