Relational recovery - I am not bad - just working to get well

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi
My t said 'it seems the hardest area for people to work with is the relational work ( relating to others )..

Yep can relate to that one ...

I can see am on the shiny beginning of attracting more healthy relationships - this is my intention from now

It seems Easier now to spot co dependence illness in others and I can see I've come on with this myself
Last nite I was with a women 'friend' and there was on judgement of me after another - she was disinterested in things I was sharing (ie not listening and not present and I more judgement came when I didn't answer her need to be confirmed -
It's easy to be resentful but I know today co dependence is an illness

Progression for me is that I worked to stay in my own power and not get too sucked in --
Took it to meditation time this morning and it feels right to 'leave'

For me now it's about listening to that voice/ feeling inside of 'I'm not enjoying this relationship ' trust my judgement

I intend to relate to others who aren't in co dependence illness who have done 'enough work on self and work on relating
In the meantime I continue to work on my progress in relating

My issues have / can still be
Being closed off - freezing when I find someone difficult esp when they talk too much
Being too switched on and open - bringing the wrong people too close
Beating myself up for not being Perfect in my relating
Taking in others feelings / personalities
Feeling guilty being in my own energy ie I should be in your energy - you are more important
Feeling judged by others

The recovery is -
Finding more middle ground in relating ie taking more of me ' out of the equation and just relating in general - having fun keeping it light sometimes - doesn't have to be ll emotional and doom gloom
Accepting myself where I am t any given time
Being in myself and feeling ok with that - it's good to be in my own energy - I am important and I can do this and relate with others too ( find this difficult
And as  result of this I hope to 'feel less judged by others as I have less out ward radar

Do people relate ' ( ha ha to this stuff
What have been your experiences ?
Recovery ideas v welcome 💓

[arpy1]

certainly can relate Boatssr! 

My issues have / can still be
Being closed off - freezing when I find someone difficult esp when they talk too much
Being too switched on and open - bringing the wrong people too close
Beating myself up for not being Perfect in my relating
Taking in others feelings / personalities
Feeling guilty being in my own energy ie I should be in your energy - you are more important
Feeling judged by others

oh yeah, same here. beautifully succinctly expressed. 

you are way ahead of me on this one. the biggest step i have taken is to leave behind virtually all my relationships. becos ultimately even the 'good' ones were not helpful.  i like what you say about being in your own energy. i have never done that, really, except on my own in my little pottery when i still had it.  people have always come first, and it took years to realise how much damage i had done to myself becos of it. or damage was done to me. never sure how much blame to take.

i guess i haven't begun the journey to form healthy relationships. i don't feel safe enough. and i don't trust myself to not fall into the unhealthy patterns that have been all i have ever known.  will it ever happen? i can't say, at the moment. it feels hopeless for me. but i read your posts and think, well, maybe...

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you Arpy 🌸

Quote 'never sure how much blame to take ' I can relate to this ...
Should we be taking any blame ? It's where I came from fo I was conditioned to 'others come first' and so 'my pattern is to become 'friends' with people who are emotionally unavailable for me because they are unavailable for themselves -
Yes and I have been unavailable for me emotionally / spiritually and so allow this relating --- as don't know any different
I'm done with beating myself up --- done done done -
For me today it's the 'trusting my feelings when I get the 'this person isn't right for me to have intimacy with - also I don't feel so black and white with it now ... I like how p walker talks in his book about the 'reparenting by committee p63 chapter 3 and the 'circle of friends that has varying layers and levels of intimacy .. P64

[Boatsetsailrose]

Quote Arpy '

you are way ahead of me on this one. the biggest step i have taken is to leave behind virtually all my relationships. becos ultimately even the 'good' ones were not helpfu

Not sure about the way ahead ! 💫✨💐 It wasn't that long ago I too left behind virtually all my relationships - I've been pretty reclusive for 2 yrs in this department because I too couldn't trust I would nt keep repeating the pattern -
Co dependence is insidious - horrible addiction to have

Just last nite another 'friendship ' the one I spoke of at the start of the thread I am going to let go of -
But that's recovery ha recognising and letting go - thing is it's easy to go on a personal inner critic downer - but today I'm working to not do that and have a call with my sponsor soon -
It's easy to feel hopeless this area I find - as one of the main fruits of life is to have good relationships around us

But I can see I'm developing and I do have a hope I didn't have before - I feel too integrated now to keep this pattern repeating I told the universe I'm done - I'm not having it anymore it is time for new more healthy attachment -
I do feel stronger and less needy and yes more 'in myself '

It's all possible for us I believe this -
Hope on every corner

Best wishes 🌸🌞