Angry with Myself

[AnnieLaurie]

I went out to dinner tonight with my brother, his wife, and two of his young adult children whose company I adore. The evening started well, conversation was lovely, food was good, and there was lots of laughter. At some point, a political topic came up. The young adults were too wise to get very involved, but at some point my brother's wife and I (who hold differing views) became disagreeable enough to make my brother leave the table and the restaurant (We weren't throwing dishes or screaming, but why were we on that topic?). I apologized repeatedly, and have been beating myself up since then. I feel deeply ashamed; I feel like a BAD unworthy person. I feel unforgivable. I feel as if my brother hates me. Nothing ever got worked out in my family. No matter how I try to handle this, it will only make things worse. That last sentence (about making things worse) is what I fear is true. The reality is that we just hold differing opinions, and we expressed our disagreements. We both know better; we aren't going to change the other person's mind. I am totally over-reacting. This was NOT a mindful way to handle the topic of politics.

[arpy1]

hi AnnieLaurie, don't think we've met, so nice to meet you 

what a horrible thing to have happened. i hate it when stuff like that cracks off and i can really understand how you feel. 

i just wanted to say don't forget that it takes 'two to tango'...  so maybe you can tell yourself that you were only 50% to blame, and that the other 50% lies with the other person?  i know it doesn't make it all go away but it is actually closer to the reality than totally relegating yourself to the bad unworthy person box.  you both just got wound up and angry. everyone does that stuff.  you both made a mistake.

i wonder if a wee card to say sorry or something and then try and put it behind you? you can only apologise for your bit, after all. what they do with that is up to them.

anyway i hope you can feel settled down about it soon.   

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi AnnieLaurie 

At some point, a political topic came up. The young adults were too wise to get very involved[...] I apologized repeatedly, and have been beating myself up since then. [...] That last sentence (about making things worse) is what I fear is true. The reality is that we just hold differing opinions, and we expressed our disagreements. We both know better; we aren't going to change the other person's mind. I am totally over-reacting. This was NOT a mindful way to handle the topic of politics.

Ah yes, politics. That ever present pitfall.
Does your Sister in Law really does know better? If she does, then maybe there is common ground to find.

I commend you for making apologies. And also the rest of your post reflects that at least you 'know better'.
And so should your brother. Perhaps walking out was the best thing he could have done, perhaps he could have stayed and voiced his opinion on "you both can now decide to agree to disagree"?

There is no need to keep yourself beating up on this.
The next time you may fare better.

Welcome to Out of the Storm!