Downward spiral again

[labradorable]

Hi everyone,

Me and my wife are struggling again with our relationship... and it feels like it always gets this way when my mental health isn't right.  I have really struggled this week (feel like triggers are everywhere and in the most unexpected of places) and I know I'm not fun to be around but I do really try to hide the worst of my feelings.  She said this morning that every day is really hard, so I guess I'm not doing as good a job as I thought at trying to appear 'OK'.  I'm just feeling really sad because it feels like I'm trying my hardest but still coming over as being the 'bad guy' and I don't feel like I've got anything else left in me.

I don't want to hurt her and I loathe myself for how I am, I really do.  I wish I weren't like this because then we wouldn't have this horrible thing in our lives to contend with.  I just don't know what to do from here.

[Dyess]

Have you tried couples counseling?

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi labradorable  ,

What a tough spot to be in...
It's really such a drag to be in such a low state, I can relate.

I'm just feeling really sad because it feels like I'm trying my hardest but still coming over as being the 'bad guy' and I don't feel like I've got anything else left in me.

I don't want to hurt her and I loathe myself for how I am, I really do.  I wish I weren't like this because then we wouldn't have this horrible thing in our lives to contend with.  I just don't know what to do from here.

It's easier said than done, and I'm speaking from experience here, but there is no reason for you to loath yourself, see yourself as 'the bad guy' or that you are failing because your hardest trying is not bringing immediate results.
You are doing everything you can, and that's enough. Really.

An article that has helped me cope with this depressed feeling is Permission to stop beating yourself up. At times I revisit the site, it's high up in my 'Favorites' list/bookmarks, so I see it regularly 'pop up', which is an excellent reminder for myself.

Since we haven't spoken to each other earlier I want to extend a warm welcome to you, labradorable. What an apt name.