Hi everyone!

It's so nice to finally have found this place, I am reading through posts like crazy- trying to find out more about CPTSD.
Right now I just need to tell you about a dream I had last night, It felt so connected to CPTSD:
I was walking in a forest on a path that took me lower and under the ground until I found a well hidden cave far away from people.
In that cave I knew that I could be myself and I felt happy and free as I finally found that beautiful place that was just for me.
I have a faint memory of almost being split in two, where the person I am right now is one person but the person I became in the cave was my true self and she was amazing!
For some reason the scenery kept changing but the cave was always connected with a waterfall and I had undressed and sat naked in this waterfall, just enjoying the water and the sun.
It was so beautiful and innocent, like I was naked in the same way a child can be- just free and careless!
The scenery changed again and suddenly my cave and waterfall was in a big storage room where people could rent a space to keep their stored things.
The waterfall was running down into a swimming pool that was centred in the middle of this big, dark building and it was surrounded by peoples old things that was stacked in there.
As I looked up I saw a few guys peeping into the window, they were pointing at me and sneering and taking pictures of me with a camera.
I just gave them the finger and went into my cave but then a storage guard came and threw me out of the building.
He told me that I was trespassing but I didn't think so, I went there the next day despite everything because I didn't want to give up that feeling I had in that cave.
When I came back the cave was more open, there was only a few curtains that blocked the entrance and I went out into the warehouse, the scenery there hadn't changed, it was still dark and full of old stuff that people didn't really care about but still wanted to keep.
I met a friend there, it was the last guy I had become infatuated with before I realized that I was just living in a dream and that we had nothing in common.
We went into the cave together and saw the guys that had been standing outside the windows and taking pictures of me, they had taken over the place and was dealing drugs and littering all over my poor cave.
After that I woke up and I was sad that I wasn't able to keep that cave the way it was.
In some way it reminds me of the innocence that we all feel when we are children before we start getting self concious and criticizing ourselves.
The cave is our personal space inside of us where we should be able to feel free, but people had begun storing their old * around my cave and were trespassing into my holy space without respect.
They just did what they felt like and I felt powerless, the only thing that had kept people away was that no one knew about this cave.
I want to write something about "claiming space" but I don't know how to put it in words, this dream has occupied my mind all day

I really do hope that all of you get to feel the cave-feeling, it was so liberating and beautiful!
Just like our minds should be.
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