Trying to stop incessant daydreaming

[rlg6859]

I'm new to understanding CPTSD and how it could be affecting me.  One thing I have realized over the last few days is that I disassociate A LOT through daydreaming.  I was slightly aware that I did this but no doctor ever asked me if I did.  It always bugged me that I did it and then bam I'm reading the symptoms for CPTSD and it all made sense.  I mostly fantasize about interacting with others, romantic interests or am just in my head thinking about people.  I didn't do it when I was with my ex, but he was abusive and another person cannot be the solution to it.  I started disassociating this way as a kid while I was still in traumatic situations. I want to stop doing it and be present and believe my outer world can be the same or better than these daydreams. Lately I've been doing it a lot because I'm going through a bout of depression and coming to terms with how abusive my relationship was and trying to understand my traumatic childhood. I realized I was doing it just a bit ago and got upset but still had a fantasy of telling someone I do it and how I hate it.  I am new to this realization and am frustrated because when I realize I'm doing it while doing it, it's like an alarming reminder that it is a symptom from something I had no control over.  I know I should just back off of myself but I don't want to live in my head anymore. I want to really live.

[Laynelove]

I've done a lot of thinking about this lately...

I also daydream constantly and while it is so unhealthy and I really do want to cut down, I don't want to rid myself of it completely and here is why:

I feel like I cut my true self off at some point in my childhood and I have no idea who I am anymore. I feel as though my daydreaming is my true self trying to tell me what it wants. I know some of my fantasies are totally unrealistic but, I'm kind of using it as a map back to myself at the moment. I'm trying to pick out common themes and what they are trying to tell me. Example: I often daydream I am having fun with groups of people. I'm labelled an "introvert" but my daydreaming tells me that my true self isn't introverted at all. I love being around people. So it's made me want to put my shame, social anxiety and connections to others at the top of my recovery priority list.

Leyla loric and the spartan life coach do a really good dissociation course which is pretty cheap and it's helped me heaps. They talk about feeling your feelings, so whenever I daydream I ask myself what it's about, what I'm feeling and what core need it relates to. 99% of the time it's lonliness, relating to my desire to connect with others. I use mindfulness for short periods to quiet my mind, then I make a point to do something that either requires my full attention or I try and go and socialise.

The brain does what is pleasure able and unfortunately for us out fantasy worlds are a billion times better places to be in than our real lives.

[rlg6859]

Thanks for your voice, laynelove.  I thought about it after I posted last night and realized what my daydreams are telling me is quite similar to what you said.  There is a need for connection that I am lacking, so that is something I should work on.  Today I've kept myself busy so I don't do it.  I'm thinking about taking up adult coloring books to help me relax but also keep focus.

[woodsgnome]

I'm a daydreamer from way back. Big, little, medium fantasies; lots of them clearly identified with cptsd symptoms, but many that are not so easy to categorize. And I'm not sure they aren't supposed to be a part of my reality.

Daydreams and fantasies seem quite natural for everyone, with or without cptsd. There are whole industries built on stories—novels, movies, TV and movies, etc. So there's lots of daydreams going on.

They might be a problem if we hide in them (I often do), but they can also be the source of music, art, and writing. The world of daydreams is often the start of all those stories read and viewed by so many people. They might start from dissociation, but they can also transform and create connections with others.

With regard to cptsd, it seems natural to daydream; just to cope and build a means for survival. When I see or remember cruel, mean things or people, you bet I tend to fantasize (a pity if I only have that option, but I'll take it as a needed part of my recovery).

Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw once said: "You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'." It's natural to seek a better way, and via daydreams we can sense those things that never were, and dream about making them part of our reality.

I think we can, as rig6859 put it, "be present and believe my outer world can be the same or better than these daydreams." Perhaps the daydream can help inspire and frame the reality we'd like to be a part of. The daydreams, even if they stem from abuse, can potentially point us towards the recovery we're desperately searching for.

[Dutch Uncle]

    

[Sesame]

I practically live in my head. If I am walking down the street and a friend or colleague sees me, I will not even notice unless they shout my name or come stand directly in front of me. I think it started as a defence mechanism. I got attacked on the street so frequently, I retreated into daydream-land because then it felt less terrifying just walking home/to school unless someone could be bothered to pursue me or walk right up to me instead of shouting nasty things. I also fantasised a lot about magically escaping the situation I was in. Today, it is not so much about escape, but about ideas or memories.

Laynelove - I'm an introvert, too. I don't think it has anything to do with how social you are, though. I love meeting new people and spending time with friends, but I need alone time to recharge because too many social interactions drain me. On the other hand, one of my extrovert friends feels exhausted if they don't have enough social interaction. They need to be chatting with people to re-energise themselves.

[tired]

Starting to realize how much I dissociate.  I daydream about hobbies I want to do and I go online and look up things and maybe buy things so I basically act on it but not really since its online. The online part even shopping is in the daydream state. This is bad... I didn't even consider that this is dissociating and daydreaming until now. I just labeled it as me being lazy and overspending.

[wallflower]

I'm also pretty new to how all these symptoms relate.

I can remember almost the exact time I started to dissociate. It was after my mother left my father and I was about 5 years old. Terrified, with the crazy mom in a little apartment, I started making up friends to talk to. I never told this to anyone before and feared that I was schizophrenic for a long time...I've used those fantasies most of my life until fairly recently. I can tell when I'm really stressed when I feel like doing it again.

Interesting to think of it as a tool and a way to be guided by our needs. That makes a lot of sense...I will try to examine it with that in mind from now on instead of feeling it is nothing but an unhealthy escape.

I also do the online shopping and daydreaming..

If we can harness this, like GB Shaw, and get creative with our pain, it could be almost a gift.

[tired]

wallflower- I'm thinking if all the energy I put into avoiding were harnessed into something else, I could probably move mountains. I mean imagine, not only all the hours wasted in depression but all the cognitive function.

[Sienna]

Hello guys...just jumping on this thread.

Trigger warning- mentions sex subtly ****

I think i am starting to realise, that i day dream too= and I'm not sure these day dreams and fantasies, are normal.
Ive always had this need to be close to someone..its all needs i think that the little one inside of me has, and those needs have manifested in some ...werid things...i wont write here what as i just cant.
Its not *weird* it just is what it is, but its something that is misunderstood by society and looked upon as odd.
I didnt even understand it myself at first and am still wanting to figure out why i have it, and still feel heaps of shame about it.

Since narc X left i have wanted that comfort.
I feel so lonely.
I thought i liked this guy- maybe i still do, but he is emotionally unavailable at times.
he reminds me of my dad to  a degree so maybe i should stay away, and i know i shouldnt get into a relationship with a guy as its too soon, i dont know how to have healthy relationships etc. and i feel certain i will be dumped and abandoned as it happened with a guy recently who i got with for some comfort but he wanted to do sexual stuff.
Thats another story.
Still, even though this other one night guy hurt me..he was a friend, i keep fantasising about him and about how he touched me.
and i keep fantisisiting about this other guy that i have started to like.
I feel that if nothing were to come of it with him, that life isn't worth living.
I didnt think i was like this.
So yes, i do feel lonely and its taken some time for those feelings to come through to me, considering i have been in flight mode as X left me and I'm living in a women refuge.
During these times of need and loneliness from my inner child, it comes out in a sexual form- to myself- not with others, but she wants to be held and close to someone who can meet her needs.
Can anyone relate? I feel so empty and alone with out these fantasies, and I'm wondering, if like the internet says, when i was little, this need turned into a sexual need, a fantasy..so that i could avoid feeling so alone.
Is fantasising dissociation? Im a freeze type.

[LilyITV]

Bumping...I did not realize daydreaming was a form of dissociation .  As a child, I was alone so much and felt discarded by my parents.  Daydreaming got me through.   I still do it as an adult. 

[Boy22]

I wouldn't call it a form of dissociation, rather a real you yearning for a better outcome.

"Act hunger" is what one of my Ts have labelled it.

[Three Roses]

For me, daydreaming is a form of dissociation. I become lost, transported, through my own imaginings. I lose sense of my surroundings. It is not exactly voluntary.