Why can't we talk about rape? (trigger warning)

[Multicolour]

I was raped repeatedly as a child and that's why I have trauma symptoms. But it's so difficult to talk about it and it seems like everyone wants to use phrases like sexual abuse instead.

I don't agree with 'CPTSD' either- I don't have a disorder, I experience the predictable and known effects of being raped as a child.
'CPTSD' and 'sexual abuse' are just metaphors to make other people more comfortable.

As a child and I was held down and raped- that's the truth.

[Bimsy]

I am so sorry to hear that you were raped Multicolour!

I think that the word "sexual abuse" is used to include not only penetration but also indecent touching and other things that relate to rape but isn't rape in a legal sense.

In the end I think it's important for you to use the words that best describes what you have gone through.
I understand your frustration, I think that one the one hand people might feel uncomfortable with their own feelings when talking about these things and that it also might trigger their own stuff that they have a hard time dealing with.

I sense that you are angry and feel shamed about this?
I do really hope that no one are using other words because it is shameful, 'cause you definitely have nothing to feel ashamed about! 

In a way I've also felt a stigma around my fathers suicide and the fact that he was gay, I think that people don't know how I would react if we discussed it so they are walking on eggshells which creates even more awkwardness for me.
And I guess you never really know how a person would react but in my opinion- if someone is open about it then I would expect that they are also ready to talk about it.
Though a lot of people have poor boundaries and talk about personal stuff that they aren't really ready to talk about I feel that it is something that they have to find out themselves with trial and error.

[Multicolour]

Hi Bimsy,

Thanks for your reply- yes I feel angry and lots of shame too.
It's so difficult to try and develop an integrated self when I have to spend so much time pretending to other people that the world is nicer than it is. 'Things We Aren't Allowed To Talk About' has become 'A Person I am Not Allowed To Be: Me.'

That story about your father is very relevant and so awful that you can't talk about the whole story- I imagine it's hard enough to feel like it's OK to talk about the suicide. Which- I'm so sorry by the way, that is just so sad. It's awful to have to 'walk on eggshells' when being able to talk openly about it might relieve some of the confusion and pain people feel around suicide.

Brene Brown says that shame thrives in silence, and that's been my experience my whole life.

I was on the train today and I had this fantasy where I stood up and said: "Just wondering, I was raped as a child and I was wondering how many other people here were too? Because I'm sure I'm not the only one, just statistically you know, but I feel so alone."

There's nothing obviously wrong with doing this- except it could make people feel uncomfortable or trigger a survivor who was having a break from thinking about it. And there's the fear that people might think I'm nuts.

I need an outlet for all this need to speak out. I have wanted to start a trauma sensitive writing group but now I think I want to start a rape action group, to campaign and lobby for better rape laws and services. But then I think- that's going to be really difficult, triggering, take time and energy I don't always have, make me vulnerable and expose me to attack. Lots of reasons not to.

I have to do something though, before I start standing up on trains!

[Bimsy]

I feel you, I truly do.
Though I think that it's always important to choose what kind of people you open up to no matter what topic it is.

I think that there are a lot of forums and probably groups that you can meet irl who talks about this, maybe not in your closest area but surely somewhere in your country at least.
I know there are some associations here in Sweden that talks about child molestation and children's rights though they don't advertise that much, I've seen them in some news program on TV here and there.
Some of them get together and make coffee and sandwiches for the prostitutes that usually gather down town, it was really nice to see them come together in mutual respect and understanding.

[1life68]

Hi Multicolour,
I'm new here and just came across this.  I was also raped repeatedly as a child starting at about the age of six until around the age of 11 when I was taken out of the situation.   It is extremely difficult for me to use the word rape versus just saying that I was sexually abused, I think because I've always had a habit of sugar coating the abuse.  I'm learning slowly how to call it what it was despite the shame I feel.  Thank you for speaking your mind, and calling it what it is.   If your looking for another forum specifically for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Rape try Pandora's Aquarium if you haven't already.  Reading other peoples stories and being able to relate has helped me to feel less alone. 
Good Luck

[Laurelinwen]

I was sexually abused, and keep it at that.  When all of you say you were raped, it invalidates the memories of my own experience.  Like, why should I have cptsd when these people were actually raped?  I was just abused as a child, sexually, in a closet.  Then blamed for it by my father.  Still, it doesn't touch rape.

That's what I hate seeing rape.  It makes me want to go do something horrible that I deserve, because I'm such a whiny effing c*nt.

[mourningdove]

It makes me want to go do something horrible that I deserve

You didn't do anything wrong.

[Dee]

I cannot say the word rape.  I  have tried and it doesn't come out.  I was raped by my father from 9 until 17 when I attempted suicide.  He was charged and convicted of rape.  The word it out there, but it seems so harsh and has so many connotations.  I cannot say sexual abuse either, but for some reason it is a lot easier for me to hear. Maybe that is why we use it more.  Hearing the world rape will send me into a panic, hearing sexual abuse does not.  However, I do get flooded and before I realize what happened my head is down and I cannot look up.

I also think the world sexual abuse is more inclusive.  People who were not raped but sexually abused are traumatized as well.