Emotional Abuse You Carry the Cure in your OwnHeart (Possible Trigger)

[Kizzie]

This is an excellent article by Andrew Vach "You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart" a lawyer and author. May be triggering as it is quite powerful. http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/disp_9408_a.html

Here's an excerpt:

Adult survivors of emotional child abuse have only two life–choices: learn to self–reference or remain a victim. When your self–concept has been shredded, when you have been deeply injured and made to feel the injury was all your fault, when you look for approval to those who can not or will not provide it—you play the role assigned to you by your abusers.

It's time to stop playing that role, time to write your own script. Victims of emotional abuse carry the cure in their own hearts and souls. Salvation means learning self–respect, earning the respect of others and making that respect the absolutely irreducible minimum requirement for all intimate relationships. For the emotionally abused child, healing does come down to "forgiveness"—forgiveness of yourself.

How you forgive yourself is as individual as you are. But knowing you deserve to be loved and respected and empowering yourself with a commitment to try is more than half the battle. Much more.

And it is never too soon—or too late—to start.

[Kizzie]

Wow BeHealthy - that is so awesome!!  If it has been 6 months and you aren't getting red flags I suspect that what you have is pretty solid or on its way to a new normal. It makes sense that as your parents influence lessens in your sibs lives they may mature beyond the pecking order biz and find their own way.

I am NC with my NPDB because I know he will not change.  I tried many times over the years but he has a PD so it's not to be and that's OK now.  Sad for a long time but not so much these days.  I'm so glad to hear that you have a second chance with yours though - enjoy!!

[findingmyhome]

I agree it is awesome.  Six months is a long time without red flags. 


Mine finally sees the abuse from my parents as she is the SG now that I am NC.  Yet she still thinks there is nothing wrong with her it is everyone else that needs fixing.  I tried to stay in contact but it is too triggering even if she is not directing the abuse at me.  Plus I can see the subtle ways she disregards me as a person.