I need advice

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #15 on: December 28, 2015, 09:22:46 AM »
I did lol

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #16 on: January 06, 2016, 08:05:04 AM »
Im sitting here, wishing for anything that I could sleep, im lonely, so very lonely, oh new girl and I are still talking, but right now thats about it. I keep think bout my ex, and * I was just as lonely when she was around, in the same house. Theres a song that ive played over and over, its called "Changes" by believe it or not Black Sabbath..

Im feelin down
I feel so sad,
I've lost the best friend
I ever had

She was my woman
I loved her so
But its to late now
I let her go

Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes

We shared the years
We shared each day
In love together
We found our way

But now the world
Had its wicked way
My heart was blinded
Love slipped away

Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes

It took me so long
To realize
That I can still hear
Her last goodbye

Now my days
Are feel with tears
Wish I could go back
And change these years

Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes



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V

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2016, 06:05:02 PM »
so sorry JB - I feel ya!

been there, done that, and walked through the pain ... sometimes it rains hard and we can't see the end of the storm ...

god or fate or what have you has been good to me - at age 57, I am still here and I still have hope and the next one has always been better - yes, different, but a better match for me - sometimes I think that is part of the plan - of course that does not dimish the pain at all ...

if she doesn't know what she is missing - be the good man you are and show us all when you can dig deep and find your bootstraps!!!

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2016, 10:56:17 AM »
I found em now just to keep her away long enough to pull myself up and get the damn things tied. But I swear, every damn time I start gettin comfy, feelin strong and secure, that maybe I can be happy, my own damn family wants to destroy it, they ran to an older cousin, told him a bunch of bs and half trues right, so the next day just before Im to leave for work he comes in and starts berating me about everything under the sun, including my personal hygiene, i was like "whoa...what!?" I got up and walked out, Im a very private person and it disturbed me deeply for him to discuss that. My mother told him i never shower ahem i shower when everyone is asleep. Im not stupid. He thought it was acceptable to throw something at me that happened 4 yrs ago. And find he made me sign a contract that if i dont "straighten up" i would be asked to leave. When i walked out he said i had the attitude that everybody owed me everything. Ive given everything ive ever owned the past 10 yrs, losing it all on a r/s that ultimately wasnt worth it, so it kills me to have my own family say im selfish, or i dont care about anybody but myself when i get something as innocent as a jacket, or do something i enjoy. I was recieving SNAP benifits before I started working, so I have fed myself basically since I came back.. I tend to my own needs. My cousin ordered me to pay rent...to my sisters, because they gave me a cot in the office (which was my bedroom for most my life, they took all my stuff out and i basically ceased to exist the day after i left. Sorry im rambling lol, just got so much i wanna... no need to say, and no one really to say it too. *sighs off to bed I guess.

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V

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2016, 04:35:14 PM »
a big part of our dysfunction starts from our environment - we were not born this way - learned in early childhood where we all take a spoke on the family wheel and are expected to play out our part no matter what and then when some of us start to find a way out and are longer playing the same roles - they get uncomfortable because we are changing (for the good but they don't understand) and try so despearatly to draw us back into their little world on the wheel and to get us back into that very same position so their world doesn't collapse - lies, negativty, drama, stress, they will use any means necessary - that is why we have to get away from that to survive ...

focus on getting strong financially to get your own place and be self sufficent and get away from all the drama, stress, negativity - you don't deserve that either ...

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2016, 02:07:44 AM »
Well its 100% official, no going back. Ive cut ties with my ex, i finally let go of all the baggage ive been carrying around wanting to say to her. Of course her reply was, "why does any of that matter? Totally exasperating when  everything you say does  a total flyby. Why does it hurt  so bad to lose her?

I have a song that I have bonded to...by Halestorm

Drink the wine, my darling you said, Take your time, consume all of it. But the roses, are to drain my inspiration. The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and...
I breathe you in, again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste, of poison.
I tell myself, your no good for me. I wish you well, but desire never leaves. I could fight this till the end, but maybe i dont want to win....
I breathe you in again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste of poison.
I dont wanna wake up, i dont wanna be sober i want you on my mind, in my dreams, behind these eyes,and i wont wake up, no not this time...
I breathe you in, again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste, of poison
A familiar taste, of poison.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2016, 06:47:45 AM by JohnnyBoy »

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2016, 04:22:55 AM »
 This is the strongest financially ive ever beenbut my credit still sucks, and because my exes mother illegally filed my children on her income tax for 3 yrs and my ex kept me from filing one year i owe the government $4000. Plus a ffew other things like a shitload..sorry...of back utility bills c/o my ex. She has screwed sooo many people with her scheme, i feel awful i went along for so long. Setup a utility in somebody elses name run it up, let it get shut off, turn it on in another name.

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2016, 06:42:08 AM »
Been talkin to my ex the past couple days....she admitted and its obvious she is off her meds....im having a normal convo with her, teasing her about her pessimism, she pops off that shell talk later that shes not arguing with me....fast forward to today, something happened down there, she wouldnt say what, i said i would appreciate an answer, she said she would talk to me when i could stop treating her like a slave..."huh?" 😨 later she told me she didnt like the "new" me that i had become a jerk, that she missed the old me. I responded that the old me was still there, she asked where, i said inside, she said i guess hes lost, i said no....protected....that i let him out occasionally, but not for long, dont want the lil guy gettin hurt....she got pissed said ahe refused to talk to me cause i couldnt be serious😑 ive never been more serious in my life.

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V

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #23 on: January 11, 2016, 07:23:25 PM »
JB, yes yes, just a small place so you can still afford to slowly pay off the debts - don't have to go all out - just need a place to make some food, bed and bath ... you need to take good care of yourself and be patient and while you are taking care of you and your "backlog" you still have time for a good life with your kids and finding your way in the world with the new you who is only moving forwards.

Talk to the ex yes but beware of any traps. If it's on the up and up, it will sometimes be heartbreaking for the loss of the past but hey - we can all hope that our loved ones turn out right after all that is what they should want for us. Again, there are those that only want us back in the same position on the wheel where we can be used and they can take from us what they don't have or don't want to earn on their own. Make sure you are only letting the good ships in the harbor, not the bad ships who mean you some sort of harm. If the hair stands up on the back of your neck, then be cautions. She doesn't understand, she may never understand.

So - listen to your spirit, for it knows the way ...


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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #24 on: May 08, 2016, 04:38:34 AM »
Well its been a while since ive been here, im trying to get a handle on this new format. I still havent gotten a home for my kids, and so much has happened since the last time i was here. My ex, as I knew would happen has gone back to her old ways, completely denying any wrong doing. I had a new girlfriend for about a month, all in all she ended up being worse then my ex. I lost my job acouple days ago. I will post more later.

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Dutch Uncle

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #25 on: May 08, 2016, 07:13:54 AM »
Hi Johnny  :wave: and welcome back.

My ex, as I knew would happen has gone back to her old ways, completely denying any wrong doing.
:sadno:

Take care,
 :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #26 on: May 12, 2016, 07:17:56 PM »
Welcome back Johnny  :wave:

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JohnnyBoy

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #27 on: August 01, 2016, 07:17:49 AM »
I'm so lost, my ex is wanting me to marry her....she even set the wedding for January, and it is now as per her "orders" I cant get on my sons bc until I marry her. Ive had my children for the summer, my daughter (6 yrs old) confided in me that her uncle (exes in blw) has been molesting her. I'm in her home state for while for the investigation and for my children. How many more ways can my ex show her irresponsibility? My son confided that she has continued to drink, and she has admitted drug use, with the children present. She actually has to ask why I show so much animosity toward her. On a good note I have my own car now, one step up.

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Danaus plexippus

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #28 on: August 01, 2016, 04:01:14 PM »
How is she not in jail?

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Three Roses

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Re: I need advice
« Reply #29 on: August 01, 2016, 05:13:50 PM »
Johnny boy, I'm so sorry you're going through this, and horrified to hear that your daughter's been molested! Do you have someone who can help you wade through all the legal and psychological stuff?

But I'm glad to hear you're stepping up to the plate, and being there for your daughter while the investigation goes on. Keep us posted, we care. (And grats on the car.)