Cycle of Abuse

[Mybeautifulabuser]

Hey guys, thankyou for being here!  I've found you after beginning a blog a few weeks ago, just out of the blue.  The blog starter site told me to find forums on my blog subject and tell people about it but .I had honestly not thought there would be somany people out there who were struggling just like me.  To be honest at 41 I feel like I am just starting over.  I began writing about domestic abuse as I am in an abusive relationship to give myself at last a voice but of course it has already gone deeper than now, and starts at the beginning, with my childhood and how I now suffer from CPTSD.
Please do reply to me here, I am sure I will need your support and maybe I can help other people as I really feel I have learned some important coping strategies, expression being one.  If you would like to know my story it is being written at www.mybeautifulabuser.com.  I have changed names to stay anonymous and ok. 

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Mybeautifulabuser 

Welcome to Out of the Storm. I had a quick peek at your blog and I see you have quite a lot on your plate at the moment. Writing it up and giving yourself a voice that way is a good strategy. I hope and wish this place will serve you in a similar way.

Since you have identified yourself as someone suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder, or CPTSD, we want to share a couple things as you settle in.

In the cPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On cPTSD
On Boundaries
You mentioned Gaslighting in your blog, and of-course the cycle of abuse, a phenomenon many of us here are all to familiar with. I certainly can relate.
Some of these are links to Out of the FOG, a closely associated site to OOTS. The Toolbox there might be worthwhile to look at as well, and/or the Glossary.

One that has been of great value to me personally is: Learned Helplessness

And last but not least: Guidelines for All Members and Guests

Welcome again, I hope and wish this place and community will give you comfort and be of aid on your journey through cPTSD,

Dutch Uncle.

edit: typo

[Mybeautifulabuser]

Thankyou so much Dutch Uncle! It's quite overwhelming to feel suddenly supported in my own living room. I will have a look at those links later. For now I'm cleaning out the hamsters! Learned helplessness, yes that certainly sounds like me...in my more difficult moments and definitely when I am faced with abuse.  I seem to go back to a kind of pre verbal state of terror where I am almost incapable of anything that might help myself.  My partner shouted at me this morning and all I could do was shake and cry.

I say almost incapable. I am learning. A lifetimes work and all that,

R
X

[Dutch Uncle]

Take your time. A few months, or years even, on 41 years don't matter much in the grand scheme of things.
What matters is doing "it".

I am learning. A lifetimes work and all that

Righty! "Practice makes perfect" as Google Translate has it as a translation to the Dutch saying: "Exercise gives birth to art." (="Oefening baart kunst". I like art better than perfection, to be honest  )

edit: I guess the Dutch saying alludes/translates more accurately as "Practice bears skill".

[Mybeautifulabuser]

And also just to say, those links on Gaslighting and Boundaries (what boundaries?  I really have a lot of work to do, since I feel that if I set any boundary, my abusive partner will leave and I am desperately and deeply afraid of that, of abandonment....last time he left it was like dragging myself through mud for six months, not able to function, or at least, for much of the time that's how it felt...)

Anyway the links, the links....are just brilliant.

Thanks!