Ef making me paranoid?

[tired]

I don't know what's going on here. Backstory: I consigned a loan for a family member against my better judgement and now big surprise there are problems and my credit took a hit. Over the last year and a half she has told me things like it's not really past due, I paid it, it's on autopay, they made a mistake, it's their fault, I have a lawyer. And yet when I go to get a car loan it shows up on my credit report. I make a payment on the loan and tell her I did and she says you didn't need to do that it's been paid. Now I have access to the account and what I see doesn't fit with what she says.  Every time I have emailed her about this she doesn't answer until I sent something like please pay me back today . And I have to cc her dad too which seems rude of me but oh well.

I sent an email saying please take my name off this loan and I said when I did this I was trying to help but I didn't think you would be so irresponsible and dishonest.  I don't think she was ever straightforward with me and for the most part brushed it off.  I said in this email I don't want to hear that you paid or it's their fault or whatever.  Just send me the money and get my name off this disaster.

She emailed back saying I didn't need to pay (!) but she would pay me back (I'm holding my breath) and that it wasn't past due and is on autopay. 

I was so so upset about this and so angry at her. But now I almost feel like the bad guy. Every step of the way in this whole drama it has been like this . I get mad she brushes it off I feel like a crazy person for getting mad.

I feel confused right now and this shouldn't be confusing .

[PaintedBlack]

I think you should relax and don't feel confused. You are right if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it is probably a duck. I'm sorry you're going through this but your credit is really important and I think you should do whatever you need to do to get her off the loan. Just a few words of encouragement for you. If it were me I would tell her if there is one more late payment, you will repossess the car. & I would follow through on that threat if she is late. Then if that happens you could probably file with the credit bureaus to get it off your record. People like this usually never change unless there are severe consequences. Be strong. You were trying to do the nice thing. You are the one who is in the right.

[stacey]

I sent an email saying please take my name off this loan and I said when I did this I was trying to help but I didn't thineik you would be so irresponsible and dishonest.  I don't think she was ever straightforward with me and for the most part brushed it off.  I said in this email I don't want to hear that you paid or it's their fault or whatever.  Just send me the money and get my name off this disaster.

She emailed back saying I didn't need to pay (!) but she would pay me back (I'm holding my breath) and that it wasn't past due and is on autopay. 

I was so so upset about this and so angry at her. But now I almost feel like the bad guy. Every step of the way in this whole drama it has been like this . I get mad she brushes it off I feel like a crazy person for getting mad.

I feel confused right now and this shouldn't be confusing .

Argh, I am so familiar with this. You are being proactive and looking after yourself and being assertive about the situation in front of continual lies. It sounds to me like you're dealing with it really well.

But then that Inner Critic kicks in and starts belting into you for being angry as if you're overstepping the mark and who the * do you think you are for being angry? Something BAD will happen if you assert yourself and admit you're angry. Or at least that's what goes on with me in those sorts of situations. And meanwhile she's just blatantly denying it. No wonder you're feeling like you're going nuts! Was denial something that was a common behaviour others indulged in in your past?

[JustMe]

Practically speaking, this person should have been able to provide proof of payment - even a screenshot showing the amount from her bank account would be sufficient. If it was a legit mistake then it is easily proven, and this person should be able to back up what they say. As the person who asked for the favor, they should be minimally considerate enough to volunteer proof.

It is a perfectly normal reaction to be angry and feel betrayed when you help somebody out just to get the runaround, be avoided, etc.  As a cosigner, I don't know if you can get off the loan or not especially if the account is delinquent. You might contact the company directly to find out what is going on.

[tired]

my mother taught us all that making excuses is the way to go. it's so ingrained it doesn't even seem "bad" anymore. we all do it and are encouraged to do it. if someone gets mad at you, say whatever you have to say to smooth over the conversation even if it's a lie.

i called them a while ago and they basically said what it says on the bill.  i told her and she said oh i just called again and talked to that same person you talked to today, and he apologized for being wrong about this.  i want to believe her because as far as lies go that would be a big one.  but she never volunteers any information to back up what she's saying. like, call this other person who is higher up and knows. or, here's a document stating whatever.  i don't ask for this because i don't believe her really and because it doesn't matter--i want this off my record.  even if she's right and it's a mix up the fact that i still get letters asking for money probably means it's going on my record even if it is in error.

if i call them they will demand payment in full on the spot because that's how they operate. if they get you on the phone they are required to either get payment or take you to collections.  as long as they haven't quite gotten you on the phone it's a different scenario and you can possibly work it out.  that's what they told me anyway.

she never emailed and said don't pay i am going to pay. she only objected after the fact.  and she said i will take your name off this today but she never emailed back and said it's done. because she's full of * like my mom, like half my family, like my dad who looks really honest and smiles and all but it's just a facade.  our entire family is fake. 

my dad is someone who is a little bit in the public eye in his circles and it makes me so angry that he is viewed as some kind of great guy. he refers to us as his tribe as if we matter to him. he talks about his big family as if that makes him better, like people who have multiple wives and dozens of kids and brag about it.  at least those guys hang around and buy food.

i have yet to get that money back too, and that was a few days ago. jan 4th, and now it's the 8th, and i haven't received any "i sent you a check" or "the money was transfered".  if i owe someone money and i upset them i would make sure that i keep them updated on what i've done to fix the problem.  i don't think she cares about me.  i heard she's unemployed and has no money which means she's also probably lying .

i'm thinking of sending a message to her mom whom i really like and so far have avoided because i don't want to upset her. but maybe i'll just play dirty and tell her because i have a feeling it's the mom who will end up paying for this anyway. seeing as she has no money herself. 

i'm not even happy that i know anything about her life because i don't want to get involved with any of them.  my parents were like poison that trickled down and affected everyone.  i want to stay away.