Not coping with work at all. Advice please?

[samantha19]

I come here just asking for help so often. I'm sorry.

I'm not coping with work. My social anxiety is severe. because of it I sometimes miss lunch and don't eat much all day, I struggle to chat online and I never ask for help, despite the nature of my job requiring team work and asking for help cause I'm an apprentice. I dissociate a lot. I get triggered by things like sending simple emails. I have avoided doing work because of it, when my work required socialising.
I was really upset today. People who care about me are my anchor. Good thing and a bad thing, in a way.

I don't know what to do. I'm still not receiving treatment via the NHS, I've been waiting a few months. I guess the healthy thing to do might be to accept I'm socially incapable of holding my job right now. But I want so much to handle it. It's hard to let go, but I'm killing myself and barely able to do my job anyway. I get triggered non stop it seems because of normal work things. I started crying at my desk today so left 5 minutes early. I'm forcing myself to go in every day but that's not solving the problem. Sometimes I manage, though mostly I'm not managing.

Any advice? Onviously with social anxiety I dont want to tell anyone at work that I have C-PTSD, but I know that I should.
I also feel financially tied to my job because my contract states I need to pay 10,000 if I quit or if I'm fired for a good reason (cause they pay for my training). Also, I've been hoping to move out. I still live with my FOO. The physical abuse isn't happening, and there's not been verbal abuse either in the past year, since I came back from running away and making myself homeless. But, a part of me still really wants to move out, the reasons are probably understandable to everyone here. Also, when I quit school because of social anxiety, the abuse got really bad, so obviously I don't feel safe to be unemployed again. Even if it won't be the same, I fear it might be, and I still sense my dads hatred/ victory/ disgust if this happened, imagined or otherwise.

Any advice with coping / stopping triggers to survive? Or on what I should do upon accepting I can't fix it myself? I wanna live. I just don't want to keep suffering and failing and feeling like an awful, pathetic person. I try to love myself but it's hard, work keeps triggering me every single day.

[cosmo79]

Hi Samantha,
I just wanted to write in and that it sounds like you're copying with really, really difficult things! I have similar problems with work and I haven't lived with my FOO for years! You are a strong person.

One thing that helps me with work, on bad days, is starting with something that's pretty easy -- usually something that's not interacting with other people. Are there tasks like that at your job?

It sounds like you may be doing better than you think. Leaving a few minutes early is no big deal! I'd suggest hanging in there and trying to take deep breaths and say kind things to yourself when triggered.

Hugs,

[samantha19]

hey,

Thank you <3

I've not had that many tasks as I've not long started, but yeah I guess that could help in future.

That's true. I have a tendency to think things are worse than they are. I am really quiet and socially anxious but I am always nice enough when I do speak and I'm still turning up every day, I haven't been absent since December, despite my drastically bad mental health, so that's something to celebrate 

I've been trying deep breathing recently and it does help a little. I'll try and stay kind to myself too (although it is really hard)!

Thanks again 

[cosmo79]

Hi Samantha,

Sure thing, and it's a lot to show up and be nice! I would be thrilled if everyone at work did that! It's also okay to take a day off if you need it -- really. And I know it's hard to keep being nice to yourself. Maybe, if you haven't already, write down a few encouraging notes and keep them in your work bag or wallet? Things like: "I am a strong, kind person."

Hugs!

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi Samantha
I'm in the same boat - I've just been signed off work - just not coping at all - inner critic so loud when I was at work 'I'm useless and worthless at my job' it seems the perfectionist part keeps getting its fix and destroying me at the same time
May I ask what treatment u are waiting for I ask as I have just been referred to psych services NHS for assessment - I'm worried they will call it 'personality issues as they did last time

[samantha19]

Hey, sorry you're dealing with the same thing!

Trigger Warning: NHS being crappy, not taking people seriously and making out their thought of having an illness is a delusion

They have referred me for evening counselling classes so I'm basically on another waiting list.
When I told them I think I have C-PTSD the woman said oh no I don't think you would have that. Then started talking about how people look online to find somewhere to fit, which is damaging or something.
I'm sitting there thinking, why are you so quick to dismiss it? It's an illness that stems from child abuse, which we've just discussed did happen to me. And I literally do have all of the key symptoms like   She could at least have probed further but she didn't, she would rather dismiss it. These people are so often just clueless.
That's what is damaging.
I'm sorry you dealt with the same thing.
I recently read a woman's aid booklet that spoke about this and validated my experience, though.
It said the NHS are most often poor at dealing with these cases because they don't focus on the direct and obvious correlation between mental illness and abuse, and they still mostly live in the belief that PTSD is a thing only soldiers and such like really get. They are basically just massively undertrained in this area. Plus, they tend to just give out tablets which don't fix the problem and rarely allow for the patient to talk through what has happened to them.
Also, counselling classes tend to be given out in short bursts and not ongoing.
Therefore, it's best to seek out your own therapist to be honest, someone who has experience in healing trauma and helping abuse victims.
It's hard though, isn't it? Because therapy is damn dear.
Right now, I'm just finding healing in all the self-help ways I can. I'm reading Pete Walkers book, I'm becoming more compassionate with myself, I'm saving to move out of my FOO's home and slowly but surely getting there.
There's an NHS online thing called beating the blues that helps you use CBT, if you think that would help you, it has helped me to an extent in defusing my belief in unrealistic negative thoughts.
There are organisations out there that give therapy for free, and the NHS can too, eventually. Waiting lists are long but it's always an option.
Personally, I'm hoping to pay for my own when I'm more financially stable, and I'm just trying to take care of myself the best I can until then. Meanwhile, I'm on waiting lists for free counselling, as well. I figure it could help and if it's not helpful I can leave. Worth a try, I guess.
Wishing you luck and wellness, anyways <3
Sorry this is so negative, I'm having quite the moan!

[Laynelove]

Hi!

I can totally relate to social anxiety. The things that have helped me the most are:

- John bradshaw - healing the shame that binds you
- social anxiety institute (easily found on Google) - it's a 20 tape audio cbt series on overcoming sa and couldn't recommend it highly enough
- schema therapy - group therapy
- completely silencing the inner critic/automatic negative thoughts
- Spartan life coach videos on youtube

It's really really hard work and I'm still going through it all. But the rewards of the hard work will change your life.

Believe in yourself, you CAN do it!

[samantha19]

Thanks !

I was considering doing the social anxiety institute course, so it's good to hear it's helped you!
I've heard of that book too, so will maybe buy it soon!

I will look into all of these options anyway, thanks :-) I will keep trying, I know it will get better in time.

[Kizzie]

Hi Samantha - how are things going now?  I just wanted to mention that I also did an online course in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for social anxiety that worked quite well for me - https://www.learntolive.com/. 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you Samantha 19 - indeed
Quote 'the correlation between mental illness and abuse'. I don't think they could afford it - to provide therapy for survivors . As you say it's all about the tablets ...
Sad and I pray it changes in yrs to come - so many don't find any support and spiral into severe illness, addiction and other areas of negative living --
As hard as it is for us we do have hope and I am very grateful for that - yes I agree re private therapy - and is something I want to look at in the future -
I did have 12 wks with a child trauma therapist via an iapt service called lift psychology ( NHS) and was able to self refer - she was very good but it wasn't long enough to integrate in me and when I came off anti depressant I crashed ( badly ) .
I'm seeing more and more how my negative mind is the problem and how it influences my life and relationship with myself and others. Watching the thoughts and stopping them - seeing the untruth is freeing ( but requires a lot of vigilance and effort
I've stated having some self compassion also but this is so alien I forget and then remember when I'm beaten again-
Work can be such a massive trigger I know and social anxiety - which I now call 'fear of people' I see it as a protective factor 'keep them away and I won't get emotionally hurt ' makes sense -
I see the more I find the relationship with me the more others affect me less - finding my skin
I'm shocked lately at waking up to
How damaged I am - sometimes I feel I've progressed well and other times I feel I've got no where -
But within it all I am where I am with what I have -
Beneath it all we are more than enough - it's just learning to be my own friend and not live in this highly fearful mind that's the challenge

[Kizzie]

Hi Samantha (and Boats) - there's a Social Anxiety Support forum you might want to have a look at - http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/.  I went there for a while when mine had gotten really bad about two years ago.  It helped because like OOTS and CPTSD everyone there "gets it," has suggestions, provides support, etc. 

[samantha19]

Old thread but I just wanted to express a heart felt thank you because I ended up starting the SAI course and it is really helping :-)!!

I will check out the other links too as well. Thanks everyone <3

[samantha19]

Also I agree boats about the nhs. It's a shame really :/

You're right we are more than enough beneath it all.

I hope you can find healing in some way too. <3

I do highly recommend the SAI course for social anxiety :-) I still have it currently of course but I am noticing some cognitive changes and it is helping.

(Sry I am the queen of slow replies)

[Kizzie]

That's great about the course Samantha - glad to hear it helped