Co-morbid mental illnesses and abuse? (possible trigger warning!)

[betamax524]

Hey ho, it's me again, Max. Sorry for the possibly confusing title... The thing is, I've been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 2 with a tendency for mixed episodes), and when I think about it, a significant amount of the emotional abuse and neglect I've experienced was because of me being "too emotional" or other similar terms. There's this whole culture of "conceal, don't feel" within my immediate family, so they would tend to look at my "outbursts" with frustration and disappointment.

I went to the same school from 1st grade until senior year high school, which meant that there were important faculty members who pressured me to keep up my grades and stay "perfect." Even until now, I still find it hard to remind myself that it's okay for me to make mistakes, because there's always that voice in the back of my head that thinks I'll be abandoned after making a mistake.

(As an aside, my father left shortly after I was born, and he's never really been that much of a presence in my life. When I was around 10 or 11, I learned that he would be marrying someone else. He has two children now, and I think it's possible a lot of my anxiety about being perfect and never disappointing anyone could come from this, in a way... What's interesting is I never really saw this as a "problem" until I entered [Catholic] school, and many people made me feel bad about my family, gah.)

[Kizzie]

Hi Max - How awful that you were not diagnosed as a child and suffered abuse because your FOO and school thought it was just you being "too emotional"     I know your F is not really a part of your life, but how did your M (and siblings?) react to this diagnosis or have you told them?

There's a forum on religious/spiritual abuse here by the way - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=164.0.

[betamax524]

I'm lucky that my mother has been supportive and she's trying her best to learn about what bipolar disorder means and such! She's still working on it, but I'm very thankful that she's actively trying. My half-sister and brother are around 6 years old and 1-2, respectively, and I don't really have that much contact/interaction with them.

Thank you for the link by the way! I'll go check it out :~)

[Kizzie]

That's terrific BetaMax, the majority of us have FOO who deny or minimize their abuse.  That's such a big step when it comes to recovering from CPTSD, to be believed by one of the most significant people in your life not to mention supported and cared for by her.    

 

[betamax524]

Personally I'm working on trusting her and opening up to her more - I still have trauma from being gaslighted that I need to work on, but I think I'm getting there slowly!

[Kizzie]

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