Confusion about dissociation

[GarlicMaster]

I've read many different on-line definitions/descriptions of what psychological dissociation is and how it manifests, however, I'm still left really confused and wonder how significant this problem may/may not be for me.

First of all, I don't relate to the "losing time" aspect that I see mentioned a lot. I do think I often go on autopilot, but I wouldn't say that large chunks of my day are lost.  I also struggle to understand the escaping to imaginary worlds/daydreaming aspect. What I do experience is a constant feeling as though I am never fully present. An example would be when socialising my mind is constantly "elsewhere"; I often struggle listening to what the other person is saying because I'm so consumed by the mental chatter in my head. I know that this sounds a lot like social anxiety (which I do suffer from), so perhaps I'm confusing the two.

I was wondering if anyone had any other specific examples of how dissociation affects them?

[Golden Tapestry]

From everything I've been reading about disassociation, it can be a form of the learned protective behaviour of escaping from the here and now.  "Busy Making" to keep the mind occupied, a form of flight response.  If you are taking up room in your brain with nothingness like "vegging" in front of the TV or gaming or other forms of mindless tasks, it is allowing you to "not" have to deal with feeling the inner emotions of pain, abandonment, anger, fear, sadness, etc.  I've been doing it most of my adult life unfortunately.  It is a very hard habit to break.  This is what I understand it to be unless it is a complete disassociation that creates another person to deal with those emotions....  Not sure if I said this in the right way.   <3

[GarlicMaster]

From everything I've been reading about disassociation, it can be a form of the learned protective behaviour of escaping from the here and now.  "Busy Making" to keep the mind occupied, a form of flight response.  If you are taking up room in your brain with nothingness like "vegging" in front of the TV or gaming or other forms of mindless tasks, it is allowing you to "not" have to deal with feeling the inner emotions of pain, abandonment, anger, fear, sadness, etc.  I've been doing it most of my adult life unfortunately.  It is a very hard habit to break.  This is what I understand it to be unless it is a complete disassociation that creates another person to deal with those emotions....  Not sure if I said this in the right way.   <3

Thank you, that was helpful!

I can relate to what you have written here. For me, I spend a lot of time "distracting" myself through various forms of consumption (TV, internet, books, food, and even sometimes alcohol). As I said before, I rarely completely "zone-out"  and I don't relate to the descriptions that talk of people losing large chunks of time. Sometimes my partner notices that I do seem to "space-out" and go emotionally numb during moments of high-stress.

I don't think that I have a completely separate personality but there are definitely "split-off" parts of myself. Generally, I am a classic people-pleaser who hates rocking the boat and making people angry (or disappointing them in any way). However, there is another side of me that is much more rebellious, assertive, and individualistic; unfortunately, that side of me also likes to drink (which causes a whole different set of problems for me).  I spend a lot of time trying to suppress that other side of me but I am beginning to realise that she needs to be loved and accepted just like every other side of me. It's hard though, because she embodies everything that my inner and outer critic considers to be "wrong" and "bad" about people. The times when she does "get out" and expresses herself are usually followed by days of intense anxiety and shame.

Another thing is that when I look back at old photographs of myself and even my Facebook Timeline sometimes I am confused as to who that person was back then. I think, because I spend so much time trying to please others, at different points in my life, depending on who I was trying to "please" and be accepted by, I adopt different sorts of persona and as a result, have many different contradicting sides to me. Although I feel much more grounded and in touch with the "real me" now, I do still have days where I am confused as to who I am, and what my identity is.

[woodsgnome]

Dissociation, in my experience, formed early and grew large as it seemed to be my only reliable fallback/fallout from certain situations and people. It's not something one always even realizes is going on, it just automatically kicks in. It can cause problems, but as indicated it starts as a defensive posture.

While my dissociation can involve numbing/spacing out out, it also can have an active component which in turn feeds off my hyper-vigilance. It's like I'm always trying to stay one step ahead of perceived (and often invisible) danger signs. My mind scans all the escape possibilities, needed or not. While doing so, I can enter another zone of attention to what's really going on or being said even if I appear otherwise.

I'm known as a good storyteller and often noted for a ready wit and sense of humour--as my mind in its defensive dissociative mode is often traveling its own frantic escape routes  . This appears as wit and humour when often it's really my defensive dissociation peeking out. As a defense it can even help me through a triggering situation, but I'm getting better at recognizing its presence and why I easily slip into dissociative states. Whether this requires 'vegging out' or donning a 'people-pleaser' mask, I seem to have learned them well.

What's called dissociation, then, seems to cast a wide net in our psyches. Neither good or bad, but it seems better to be aware of how easily it pops in place, whether 'active' or 'numb-like'. I 'spose it helps to realize that the dangers dissociation was built as a defense against aren't such a huge factor anymore.