hey, mike,
no, you're not alone. i had a hub (now ex) who was very entertaining to everyone, but behind closed doors his rage made itself known.
i agree with 3 roses that the woman you fell in love with is not real. is couples counseling an option? in a relationship, it takes two - either for enabling or healing purposes.
glad you posted. this forum has been so helpful for me, full of kind, caring, and supportive people. hope to hear more of your journey. best wishes for everything, and sorry you have had to endure this jekyll and hyde thing. it's the pits.