"Another TherapistMom" - "recovered memories"/False Memory Syndrome

snailspace · January 21, 2016, 08:47:52 PM

I hope it's ok to quote Dutch Uncle for this introduction. I have been lurking here for a while and was previously on OoTF forum having discovered what my mother was about - I strongly suspect she was narcissistic. The recent post about Alice Miller's son Martin has taken me back in time to 25 years ago when completely out of the blue my siblings falsely accused my father of terrible lifelong abuse. These were fabricated memories coerced during therapy sessions otherwise known as False Memory Syndrome. Alice Miller's books were an inspiration to my newly trained TherapistMom because she too had recently recovered memories during therapy of her father having abused her. Apparently Alice Miller was a proponent of this sort of therapy.

I have spent the last few years working out what happened 25 years ago - how my mother, a latent N, became very jealous of the bond between my enabling dad and the "golden children" siblings and at all costs had to take them away from him by orchestrating a huge hate campaign against him involving therapists (and their particular type of therapy at that time). Training to be a therapist at the time she was orchestrating it all behind the scenes.

I thought I had worked this all out but there might be more....opinions most welcome. Thank you.

Kizzie · January 22, 2016, 06:30:58 AM

Welcome to OOTS Snailspace

I'm not sure what to think hearing now that you also had a T Mom who was (is?) an N. It's more than a little concerning that some of those who profess to help are really feeding the N need.

I've been reading other articles about Martin and his M and apparently later in life she was able to admit some of what she had done. I take it that didn't happen in your situation? How did you begin to figure out what your M did? You're here so I take it that means you feel you have CPTSD?

Lots of questions lol but very interested to hear more. Glad you found your way here

Dutch Uncle · January 22, 2016, 08:41:26 AM

Quote from: snailspace on January 21, 2016, 08:47:52 PM
I hope it's ok to quote Dutch Uncle for this introduction.

Yeah, it's OK. It does make me feel a bit awkward though. It seems you know me already, while I'm just introduced to you.

But I want to say a warm Welcome to you anyway.

, fellow traveler.

edit: typo's

snailspace · January 22, 2016, 06:19:18 PM

Thank you both very much for your welcome.

Kizzie - My mother died 2 years ago and no she didn't realise what she had done unfortunately. She kept up the lies about my father until the end and blamed him entirely him for the ills of the FOO. Over the years she had promoted herself to leader of a therapy type cult where "all men are abusers" and women are victims. Not nice. I cannot verify anything about her views on Alice Miller but the author was greatly revered by TherapistMom and her acolytes, along with the authors of "A Courage to Heal" One thing she did admit on her deathbed was that her own mother (my grandmother) had treated her very badly and this was the first time I had heard this (I was not there but heard later). Deep down I had guessed this but had never been able to ask her about her own mother.

From my reading of the information on this site I believe I have suffered from cptsd from birth. It came to my notice starkly though when I was retraumatised during therapy 18 months ago. A friend pointed me in the direction of Pete Walker and I found myself described, the therapist also, in his book, which was rather a shock. So I have worked backwards really! It took me a good year to recover from the horrible experience with the therapist. I hope I have not triggered anyone here. This site is a wonderful resource for me, and maybe others who fear therapists.

Dutch Uncle - many apologies for making you feel uncomfortable, it was silly of me, I read your comments on the post about Alice Miller and TherapistMom as a term just jumped out and nicely summed up my mother. I did not mean to make you feel awkward. It is unnerving but also a relief to find there are others out there.

Dutch Uncle · January 22, 2016, 06:57:22 PM

Quote from: snailspace on January 22, 2016, 06:19:18 PM
Over the years she had promoted herself to leader of a therapy type cult where "all men are abusers" and women are victims. Not nice.

I can relate to this as well.

QuoteDutch Uncle - many apologies for making you feel uncomfortable, it was silly of me, I read your comments on the post about Alice Miller and TherapistMom as a term just jumped out and nicely summed up my mother. I did not mean to make you feel awkward. It is unnerving but also a relief to find there are others out there.

Thanks, and it's ok.

I just never expected that a quote of me would turn up in an introduction post.

I'm looking forward to seeing you around.

snailspace · January 22, 2016, 07:05:25 PM

It's a very good term and thank you for letting me borrow it. I'm sorry that you had one also. I find it has confused me along the way and many of mother's invalidations were pop psychology clichés used out of context which even now still make me cringe. For example "let it go" sounds reasonable enough but meant "Shut up and don't bring anything up from the past about me"