Checking In/Recreating Myself

[KayFly]

Hey everybody. It's been awhile. I feel sad just starting to write this post. I feel like I owe apologies on here.  I previously was was acting out towards members on this forum in order to recreate a drama that was familiar to me.   

I'm a hurt soul. I'm innocent. Its not my fault I didn't know how to act, and chose to react. It was my nature. I'm happy to say I am moving on to more stability and sanity.

I again, had to recreate an account, which mirrors a Facebook paralyzing fear I have been going through. The good thing about this site is that no one actually knows who I am, as opposed to Facebook, where I become paranoid that my perpetrators will hurt me, although the grown up part of myself knows otherwise.

Anyways. I just had a long break from school, I am professionally recording music that I wrote years ago, working two jobs, and start back up in school as an honors student on Monday. There is a lot on my plate, to say the least.  Therapy is going well and I am starting to make IRL friendships and break down trust barriers and really am finally IN my relationship with my partner for what feels like the first time after a year, and am very grateful to have stepped into this new world of good people, after estranging myself from my birth family about a year and a half ago.  Therapy, EMDR, is all going well also. And have been sober for exactly 258 days, and quit smoking cigarettes 208 days ago.  Being sober had been crucial in my recovery.

I likely won't be on this the forum as much due to time constraints, but I'm really glad to see all the Moderators and Hosts and some of the same members are still here, and Dutch ...moving up! The website looks great. I hope that this message is well received and I look forward to connecting in the future and I wish everyone well. I have been thinking of you all.  I have  also been feeling quite lonely at times and really would like to have this resource to fall back on, like my security blanket.

I hate that I delete my account so much haha. I always have to start over! But what is important is that I am learning to really face myself, my pain, my struggle, and therefore help others. A fresh start is good.

OOTS Community    I'm glad to be back on here.

[woodsgnome]

 

In and out, round and about, up/down, all around...and of course--one step forward, two back; all those words we use to try and convey our cptsd journeys.

So glad to hear some things, some of the time, are stabilizing for you. You've worked so hard at this, and it's nice to see a little blue sky emerge from the tumult. And there's more where that came from. When you're here, you've shared honestly from the depths of your being, the painful along with the good. Thanks.

So it's nice to see you in  this spirit again, and not this way: 

Take care.

[KayFly]

Thank you so much woodsgnome for your unending support and warm welcome. I really appreciate you.

So glad you are still here.