Slow Go

Started by globetrotter, August 27, 2014, 12:03:35 PM

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Rain

Yup.   :yes:

Been there.   Done that.    "Rut Ville"

You seem to have many excellent points.

Odd question, globetrotter ...but, have you basically taken this post and discussed this with her?    Like literally, print it out and read it, or have her read it?

I don't think it is "as good as it gets" for you.    I hear lots of feelings in what you write.   I have enjoyed your posts.


If you read your own post, but it had my "Rain" name on it, what advice would you give me, globetrotter?

globetrotter

#31
Hey, Rain -
Funny, I copied and emailed what I wrote to myself after I typed it so I could try to remember the points that I made.

I am at a loss, I do not know what I would advise you!
I think she gets frustrated with me as well because I make her work haaaaard for the information she pulls out of me.
I am so used to living inside of my head it's hard to make thoughts pop out of that mouth-thingy. Other times, I'm not sure what should be the "topic of the week" because day to day life can be pretty ok.
I would be too embarrassed to mention the going out for beers idea. Or afraid that she might take me up on it!

Kizzie

Hey GT - It makes sense that we would have a hard time trusting someone we reveal ourselves, to but who does not reveal themselves to us in return.

I just had my first session with a new T and it went well I think because he shared a lot about himself with me, including an event where he triggered in a professional development course and turned into little Stu. Well, I could certainly relate to that!

Surprisingly, I revealed a lot actually but it was the adult me talking, and then he asked one question and boom, tears from my IC.  We talked it through and then he turned the conversation back onto something that did not leave me stranded in those feelings and with my IC clinging to my ankle as I left.  Quite skillfully done I thought.

Anyway, I'm not sure if having a T who is open about herself would be helpful or not, but if you're feeling that way then perhaps talk with her about it.  I know I really related to Walker's book because of the fact that he shared about his own CPTSD and wrote authentically, not just as a T but as a person.

globetrotter

Congrats Kizzie! Sounds like an excellent beginning!

I'm happy that you both understand what I'm saying and I so appreciate your time in responding. Can opener, yes. Bursty and unreliable.

She gets my relational limitation and has offered several times that I can ask her anything. She also said it couldn't be too personal or it becomes about her. At her hourly rate I appreciate that. I'm also on her Facebook page and pick up alot there so I feel I probably know a good bit about her but the big focus on me is very hard for me. Vulnerability. I have told her this. Rain, I am a big risk taker by nature but talking...SA...can be an issue. I spent a lot of years being invisible.

I am  taking a writing class now where I don't have to share and that's what drew me to the class. Prior to that I took a watercolor class.. I guess there's that which I could talk about for a minute or two...This is the last week, tho. Last week I told her there are people who get 20 word answers and people who get 40 word answers - I was half joking. She asked me how it would feel knowing she was prepared to accept more than 40 word answers and I said 'unfamiliar' (note: one word answers are not uncommon).

Siiiigh....why does this have to be so complicated?? Spinning wheels in mud...

Kizzie

#34
I'm just curious GT if you do share those deeper things about your past, your IC stuff with the friends that you trust?  Or are those things closed off to all pretty much?

I was thinking after my session that Maybe I am closed off from the really painful stuff because if I let anyone in, the damn will break and I'm not really certain I could take the pain.  So I'm not sure that I am as afraid to trust others these days so much as I am myself. 

Late here so hope this isn't too rambling.  Time to zzzzzzzzzz

schrödinger's cat

I can relate. I realized that people who never offer anything about themselves make me feel on edge. I don't fully trust them.

Pete Walker mentions that he's specialized in relational therapy. He says CPTSD is caused on a relational level, so he thinks it makes sense to heal it on a relational level, too. He says that this is why CPTSD survivors may have some trouble with the traditional "blank slate" style of therapy. --- I don't know anything about relational therapy or what that even is, but reading all this made me remember that, so here it is.

globetrotter

Kizzie, I share 90% w my SO and 70% w my best friend and the rest are clueless. Sidenote: My sister is 10 years older and was often at work, in band practice, or with her friends or her boyfriend when I was a kid and really has no idea what my childhood was like. She thinks she had it worse. I think not - at least she had my brother, and my parents weren't full blown alcoholics when she was a kid. I've never confronted her on this tho I have been tempted to give her the low down..I am not sure it would be received in the way that I want it to - not interested in a contest. We have commiserated in the past to some degree about what lousy parents we had, but not the intimate details of our own experiences.

Re: intensity of pain: I have been told that the pain we feel now is never as severe as the pain we felt then. And like the slow release of the air out of pinched balloon, we let it out only as we are able. I was afraid it was like blowing the lid off of Pandora's box, but it's quite the opposite for me. Frankly, I AM at the point where I want to yank that cover off and just have at it. Just don't know how.

Thanks, ya'll, I think I have plenty of fodder, for this week, anyway!

Rain

#37
I enjoyed, and learned a lot, from your reply, globetrotter.    And, there is so very much I relate to, as in the talking, the SA, the vulnerability that I had when I hit "Rut Ville."

Thanks again!     :bighug:

globetrotter

#38
I'm glad, Rain. I would love to know how you climbed out of the rut.!

Ah, I see about the stretching and trying new things. But what about opening up to the core? This is the speed bump.

globetrotter

I like it. I like it whole bunches.
We do have weeks like this. I want more of them.
I appreciate you sharing!!! It helps a lot.

Rain

#40
It helps me in moving forward, and what this all is.   Thanks, globetrotter!         :bouncing:

globetrotter


Sometimes I wonder: Is our work ever done? How do we know? Perhaps we acquire a place of inner peace and self acceptance/acceptance of others. Hm. Enlightenment. A question for every human I suppose, regardless of their goo level.

I have read 'Waking the Tiger'.   T (who I somehow feel like calling 'Boss Lady' right at this moment) is an SEP. We get into some very 'unusual' exercises and visualizations at times in therapy.

YOU CAN do this recovery work!  :cheer:

Take care -

Rain

Very good question, globetrotter, as to when the work is done.   I will say that Pete Walker's answer on it in his latest book, is splendid.

For me, it is like leaving a mountain range.   It's only once it is behind me that I know.   There may be another mountain range ahead.   It's okay.

Like Walker says, we have a silver lining to this.   With such focus on developing our emotions, we end up bypassing the general public at some point.

I enjoy people with depth, and I'm not surprised by their tough past.


I laughed with your "Boss Lady" bit.   I enjoy your sense of humor.

We both CAN do this recovery work!    :cheer:

You take care too, globetrotter.

VS

#43
Hi All, I am new. It is very late and I am so tired but enjoyed reading all the posts on this thread.
I have suppressed my emotions for over 50 years, learning how to feel. It is truly a slow go but I see progress in my ability to grieve and to am starting to feel the good things a bit.

Yes, a life long journey, but the silver lining and knowing my journey will be used by G** in the lives of others is comforting. I can relate to the shear exhaustion of dealing with an EF, had a big one yesterday and then grieving. Had to take a 5 mile walk to get myself feeling like the adult me afterwards. Exhausted today. Hard and painful stuff that must come out to move forward.

Thank you all for sharing as I gain insight by reading your stories.
This is something that effects all areas of our lives. A new thing just popped into my head about relationships. I will be discussing that with my T next week. I had no idea there was a potential issue here. I need an objective person, my T who knows me yet has expertise in this area to tell me what she sees, and how we can move forward. Again my main focus is on feeling. I am asking myself how I feel about everything so the emotions can come out. I have not been able to display my emotions with anyone, just alone. My T is seeing some of my anger, but it would be a miracle if I cried in her office. It will happen one day. As the topic says, it's a slow go  :yes:

Rain

#44
Hi VS,  a big  :hug: for you.

Play, dance, tap a rhythm ...hug yourself, pat yourself on the back ...when passing a mirror smile at yourself that you ARE glad you are here.    All the physical body things we missed as a child, but are so surprisingly critical ...the small joys ...it develops our brains.   

Give yourself the verbal missing praise that was missing long ago.   All the rational thoughts that are positive develops our brains.

Many of us here are in your shoes, myself with 40 to 50 years of this "brown bagging" ...stuffing emotions.   There is freedom coming out of this.

It has helped me a TON to see that I am not alone on this Journey.   Glad you are here too, VS.   We will all get better together.   Celebrate each day.  :applause: