Feeling Stalked (trigger warning)

[KayFly]

Hello and Good Morning (in the US anyway),

A year and a half ago I had to move to a new place, not let any of my family members know where I was, and change my phone number.  Well somehow my mom's boyfriend got ahold of my new phone number and texted me, so I went under my partner's phone carrier so that I would be 3rd party and there-for harder to find (well and it just made sense financially also).

Anyway, I found out my grandfather passed the other day, on my dad's side, and I went to therapy a couple days after finding out, really released a lot of sadness in the session. A lot of my fears of people not being trustworthy have come up since his death. When I came home from therapy, my partner said he had some bad news. There was a letter, and it looked like it was from my mom. It was from my mom, and she informed me that an uncle and an aunt had cancer, and told me my grandfather died, which I already knew, but anyway she kind of pleaded that I contact her. "come join me in all this sadness"    She is a narcissist and since I have been able to break away from her and the others in my family who hurt me, I have been doing really well. Like better than ever.

My worst nightmare was that they would find where I was when I first moved away. My inner child was afraid I would be killed since I had come out about being molested by my mother and father in the family, and I could imagine that the emotion of being found out or being "accused" of that, and having it come out in the family, would drive a person, with emotions, to do something crazy.  But I don't know. I don't know what the future holds, other than that, side by side, I am dealing with the loss of my family, while being stalked, sorta.

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do...yesterday...I mailed out a letter (with evidence of tracking), saying I want no contact from her in any form ever again. This might sound dramatic, but I'm an actress, and I had to tell the person who gave me life to never talk to me again. I will also be filing a police report and restraining order because I mean, how did they find out my address? I guess with the internet these days, it's easy to access a lot of information about a person. I just try to keep it so private, including not speaking with anyone who even knows my family. So it's just crazy that they found out. And my mother is known to show up places uninvited and not to respect boundaries, so I think the police report and the restraining order will be spot on for the situation. But it's hard.

It hurts, and it's almost like some sort of Stockholm Syndrome. I was around my family my whole life, so I am feeling empathetic toward the embarrassment and fear that they are feeling being revealed as perpetrators. Maybe because I have felt a lot of those feelings, having stopped the patterns that they continued from their ancestors, like the child molestation, domestic violence, emotional and spiritual abuse...you get it. It was bad.

They deny that they did it, but I was there. I saw, and felt with all of my senses what happened to me. I believe that they just came from bad places. Narcissism is like an essence, it's not like a choice to be malicious IMO. She was just a hurt person, but I can't have that energy in my life.  Same with my father you know, and it's like my boyfriend said, "They are just dealing with the repercussions of what they have done."  It just really hurts.

And how creepy that they found out my phone number and address. Anyways I just need to talk/write about it for therapeutic value and I appreciate if you read through this long email.

Thank you and have a good day, or night..

edited to add: Thread locked due to the original poster having left the forum and the topic being of a specific personal nature. Feel free to start your own thread on a related topic or join a thread of a similar nature.

[I like vanilla]

Kayfly, my sympathies 

I get creeped out by contact from my parents and I gave them my contact information years ago (pre-therapy and when I was still in denial and in contact with them). I cannot imagine how icky it would feel if they were to contact me after I changed addresses and purposefully chose to not give them the new contact information (which I plan when I next move).

That your parents contacted you this way is creepy. That they are denying the harms that they have caused you is aggravating, painful, and a big red flag. Good for you for having the courage to report it to the police and ask for a restraining order. That takes a great deal of energy even when not dealing with deaths and illnesses in the family. 

Sending good thoughts