New to OOTS (Trigger Warning - Physical Abuse Discussed)

[notjustwomengetabused2015]

Hi, I am a new member that found this site after coming home just a few hours ago today Feb 15th 2016  from my primary care Doctors office.  I am 6 weeks with no contact out of a Empath / Narcissist relationship . Me being the empath .

After the first couple months of which I now know were just empty promises, lies, deceitfulness, controlling, manipulative behavior along with great sex to keep me strung along. This relationship over night turned into a very emotionally abusive relationship !  My ex GF whom I thought was finally " THE ONE " is the best of con artists !!! She admittedly told me in the beginning she is clinically diagnosed bi polar and PTSD, from child hood sexual abuse to later in life losing an only child horrifically . But , remember I am an Empath, so those "issues" did not phase me whatsoever, in fact , probably drew me closer. ( I know hard to believe but true ) .

She also admitted to having a light switch behavior, which I was not overly concerned about. This pretty much daily emotional aand constant verbal abuse, gas lighting, promiscuous behavior , emotionally thru needing her ego stroked 5 times a day by many men , very quickly turned to her sabotaging on purpose fights out of know where for no reason whatsoever so she knew we would break up for a period of days or weeks. This way she could go be promiscuous in person with these men that stroked her ego via social media and phone AND in person. She would feel no guilt , because in her twisted mind " she was single " for a few days or weeks. Keep in mind these things, I complemented her EVERY DAY , she said I never complimented her . WOW .  I know, hard to believe but I am not joking ! 

I was with her for almost a year, she never once had to open her car door even if she was driving or a passenger , when I was with her I ALWAYS got the door for her .  Including , house door, work door, church , where ever, I treated her with the respect a woman deserves. (chivalry is not dead, apparently)  This abuse was so unbelievable i guess i have probably just been in denial :-( .  She would be totally mean and belittling to ME... but yet, she would say to me within minutes of her cruelty .. " why do you have to be so mean to me "   YES , SHE WOULD TWIST THINGS THAT BAD !!!   

Eventually, in October of 2015 her abuse towards me turned physical, as we had a great evening together, her saying how i was the most wonderful man she had ever met, and holding my hand and kissing me, just like things use to be and actually the way things are suppose to be in a healthy relationship . ( which in hind sight his was not ) After having what i considered to be a more than to often normal disagreement on our way home, my flight instinct which I don't remember having before i met her, took over and rather than fight , i dropped her off at her house, we had some words, and I went home, now remember, the evening was GREAT, all night right up until she started an argument. So I get home, which is only 2 minutes from her house driving wise, and within 10 minutes I hear a car, she starts pounding on my door, I let her in, she immediately head buts me, I didn't even know * was going on,   After being on the receiving end of at least a dozen HARD head buts ( this woman could take 90 percent of the women out there and 50 percent of the men, however, she met her match with me physically anyway )  I finally grabbed her firmly by her shoulders and looked into her eyes ..... HER EYES WERE NON EXISTENT .... TEHY WERE DARK BLACK EMPTY HOLES .... I had never witnessed anything like it  I know, hard to believe once again but i am dead serious !!!  I had to call the cops first, if she called them first, I WOULD STILL BE IN JAIL !!! Like a dumb dumb I went to jail and her initial bond appearance supporting her , and took her back ...  Her family always liked me , knew and told me I was good for her, better than anyone before actually. And when they witnessed me supporting her after this horrific thing she had done, well they knew for positive, my Love and compassion for her was 2nd to none.  She was very apologetic, and remorseful and embarrassed by her actions, while all along saying she remembers none of that episode she did to me physically ...

We made it another month, she sabotaged again ... Breaking us up for a couple weeks on purpose. We then get back together yet again, having a great x mas season actually , going to her family's x mas, then going to my families x mas . No real fights at all. The shortly after the beginning of the new year 2016, I get accused of being controlling and keeping her from seeing her male friends and female friends alike  ... WOW , that was HER doing that to me, however, I had been cheated on so many times obviously my trust with her and other males was non existent by now ...  We had one last major blowout after I found out she went on a date with one of her " just male friends" to a concert one night.  Now remember this woman just before new years looked me in the eyes on her couch and said this to me " You are the most wonderful man i have ever met and been with "   Then a week and a half later goes out with another man. The final break up was mutual,

But SCARING to me as was most of the relationship unfortunately. I wil never forget, she threw all the photos I had given to her of us and a few of just her  on one of our good times/ short trips and threw them in the snow bank, while i was gathering my things from her home, she took them out of the snow and while I was backing out of the driveway threw them in the dumpster so I could see her doing this. Have not spoken to the narcissist since that day just almost 6 weeks ago.   Always had to be at her house always, I stayed overnight at her house for over a month in a row after the horrific night .  This is obviously just a very brief synopsis of the roller coaster ride I was subjected to live.

I am now diagnosed with anxiety, severe depression, C-PTSD , and possibly some type of ADD ...  I never had anxiety before i met her, I never had C-PTSD before I met her, I did have minor bouts of depression before meeting her, but never to this extreme by far, and the possible ADD we do not know when or why that's happening yet, but it is what it is . Bottom line is , I thought I was dealing with this just fine, I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now since she tried to kill me.   Apparently I am not dealing with this well at all, I don't sleep much , I just break down and cry out of know-where, I do not do anything I used to enjoy doing,  I either don't eat for days or I eat everything in sight. My weight fluctuation is ridiculous , I often think about what my abuser is doing, WHO she is doing, does she miss me ?  WHY THE HECK DO I EVEN CARE ?   Its like she is still controlling me !       

[PunchDrunk]

Welcome to OOTS.
Your ex GF certainly sounds like a handful.

You did the right thing in calling the police before she did. People with narcissistic personality disorder don't have any problems with twisting the truth and enlisting others (including the police) to gang up on their victims.

Once physical abuse has occurred in a relationship it's likely to recur so I'd say that you're better off out of it. I'm glad that you're no longer in any physical danger and that you're getting support from a therapist.

[Ronin]

I'm sorry to read your story and even more sorry than you had to live it! I've experienced similar situations (exwife tried to run me over...most recent gf broke into my house and threatened to tell the police that I hit her if I called them to get her out, etc.) and know the toll that they can take on a person. Layer upon layer, each transgression creates a deeper need to protect and guarantee survival. When enough layers have been established, it feels that there is no way out; we're trapped. We become hyper vigilant and in survival mode. Living in that situation for long enough, it becomes somewhat permanent it seems. But, because the survival responses were learned, they can also be unlearned and new tools can be put in their place.

I am still new here, but I've discovered that writing the feelings down takes the intensity away from them. It brings them into the realm of reality. I don't know if that will help you too, but it did me.