moving through the pain in order to recover

[sanmagic7]

i'm discovering the old adage of 'it's going to get worse before it gets better'.  right now i'm feeling pretty fragile - it seems that everything has blown up in my face in the past month, and i've begun both physical and emotional therapy to address the issues that are trying to make me insane.  happily, i've found a therapist who is so very caring and validating, and a massage therapist who hits those pressure points on the nose!  both, however, are very painful and stressful experiences, physically and emotionally.  but, i somehow knew this going into it, and am repeatedly putting myself through the stress because somewhere deep inside i sensed that all the pain i've been holding onto, both physically and mentally/emotionally, will take some hardcore work to release.  i am understanding that i have been poisoned in body and spirit, and every release of some old feeling, some old wounding, will put up a fight to stay where it's been comfortable for so many years.  i have had to guide my massage therapist as to where to work, as well as when to stop because the pain is just too much.  but, i know that my tears are filled with toxins that need to get out of me.  it's not a pretty process, nor is it smooth - my therapist told me i will feel worse before i feel better, but that eventually the 'better' will come.  i am trusting that, have faith in it.  c-ptsd is cruel in the sense that we hurt while we're in its throes, as well as when we're getting out of its clutches.  come what may, we will triumph!  i've been a therapist for 30 years and never knew about c-ptsd - it was never taught, never spoken about, never recognized professionally.  i only wish i'd known about it sooner, both personally and professionally.  as it is, all i can do is slog through the muck for now.  slow going, but eventually . . .

[Kizzie]

Hi Sanmagic:

It sounds like you've had a rough go in the last month, it's amazing that some of us manage with the symptoms until later in life and then it catches up with us and we can no longer hide from it or hold it in. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to uncover and recover though, no doubt being a therapist helps with knowing the importance of treatment. 

Was it your T that diagnosed you? No actual diagnosis is needed to participate here by the way, I am just wondering if your T is trauma informed as that would be good news here. It would suggest more T's are becoming knowledgeable as that's been a problem for so many of us - finding affordable trauma informed T's.  Most T's seem to know about PTSD, but CPTSD not so much and there are differences.

It does tend to be slow going for most of us unfortunately.  A lot of us find we have to take baby steps as there's a lot of cumulative trauma fueling our CPTSD and it can be too much to look at and process quickly.   

I do hope you find the information and sharing of experience as helpful as I have.  When you have a moment, please have a read through our Member Guidelines (http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1616.0), and if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.

[I like vanilla]

sanmagic7 

Sounds like you have been having a tough time. I'm glad to hear that you have found both physical and psychological support people to help you. I sometimes view therapy like having a thorn in my finger that did not come out right away. A scab might form over it and be functional, but it is not truly healed until the scab comes off an the thorn removed. It's a much more painful process but ultimately the only way to be fully recovered.

I have such huge respect for you for having the courage to take this more painful but ultimately more healing path