trigger warning: crime, autism.

Started by breakingfree, March 04, 2016, 01:22:52 PM

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breakingfree

Hi, I an new here and reading the posts in various sections really hits home to me and I feel it's nice to have others to talk to. I have a counselor I see weekly too.

I am divorcing a npd/asperger spouse (over 20 years). He withheld his knowledge of his autism to me our entire marriage. When I figured it out on my own he confirmed it then immediately wanted a divorce (he discarded me because I now understood the issues between us). He was controlling and manipulative and abusive: gaslighted me, mind games, diminished me, deeply controlling etc.

My FOO is a mess. I have a big family: half had PD's/BPD the other not. My mom was BPD as well, my father did not have personality disorder nor BPD.

I think I spent the majority of my life distancing from them (the BPD/NPD's) as they created drama and drained/affected negatively all the other people in the family. I also had traumatic loss of non PD/BPD family member and ptsd about that.

My mom died a few weeks ago...the BPD/NPD relatives all became enmeshed, I believe, in white collar crime. Like predators: the fact that I went no contact with them a few years ago makes them even more angry at me because they can't "get at me" anymore. They cannot exploit me anymore. So, I got letters in the mail, social media posts and phones calls trying to "mend" with me which I know coming from them is complete BS. These people are crooks. The worst kind. I always lived a state away from them and due to traumatic illness in a sibling I loved (who was not like these others) I became exposed more to these crooks and it slowly unfolded that they are crooks. They deal in deception crime. It's hard to explain. I only know what my dying sibling told me about them and of course heard through other relatives about the trouble these four siblings would get into.

What can I do to feel safe? I am trying to cope with my divorce, live my life, focus on healing flashbacks etc. as best as I can.

But to me the BPD/PD they have seems more complicated by the criminal dealings I know they seem to be caught up in. I feel like if they keep trying to get access to me (this despite my explicitly telling them I want NC) I can't endure just "enduring and taking it". Do I go to police? I am no investigator, I have no concrete proof about the crime I believe they are involved in, but I feel certain if I shared my suspicions with police they would investigate these people. I am torn about this. I would much rather they go away. I have tried my whole life to escape them. They have ruined the lives of my other non-BPD/non-PD relatives. They don't quit.

I feel with my mom's death they are plotting and planning to enmesh with me again somehow. Whether I allow that or not. Does anyone else go through this? My counselor says to be careful about going to police because if nothing is found I have deeper hate from them. But, everyday I look back on what they have done and see there is no way that they are NOT part of crime rings.

Torn. I have lived like prey within my marriage and FOO my whole life. Abused, used, lied too, exploited. I want to pick up the pieces but feel the learned helplessness and pts will never heal if I can't get my FOO away from me. I am seeing some progress in my life now that my abusive asperger ex is gone, physically, from my house. That helps. It's not easy: but my panic attacks slowly subsided and I thank god for every day I don't have to wake up and be demeaned under my roof every minute of the day. But then my mom dies and I know those predators don't like the word "no".

Help. Advice? I don't want to go backwards from my recovery work. I feel like I live in a war zone waiting for bulletts.