New to Site

[Sam-I-Am]

Hello,

This is quite scary, but I want to introduce myself.

I have not officially been diagnosed with C-PTSD but I have been doing a lot of research and I know I have many of the symptoms.

I was in an abusive relationship a couple of years ago. After I finally got out of the relationship I eventually discovered that my ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everything started to make sense and I began my healing process after slowly realizing I wasn't crazy and doing a lot of research. Discovering C-PTSD has been a bit of a shock for me and difficult to accept. I know I have much more healing to continue and I think joining this forum will be beneficial for my healing process.

I am in college (where I met my NPD ex) and have a class with my ex, that I need to take this semester to get my degree. I struggle going to the class quite a bit as I have been practicing no contact and trying to avoid as many reminders of the abuse as possible. I try and tell myself to be strong and that I have a right to be there and should not be forced out by fear of him, but I really struggle just sitting in the same room as him. I know I am so fortunate to have gotten out of the relationship when I did and am hoping by connecting with others and learning more about my C-PTSD I will be able to move forward with healing.

I would like to see a therapist to help sort through what I am going through but my health insurance plan does not cover it and I cannot currently afford to pay out of pocket. Any advice on this or knowledge of resources to help pay for therapy appointments?

Thanks for reading.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Sam-I-Am 

Welcome to Out of the Storm. Quite a history you have had.
I can relate to having been in the hands of Narcissists, and I'm pretty sure that being raised by one (undiagnosed) and having a few other 'difficult types' in my Family Of Origin (FOO) has been a major source of me being affected by cPTSD nowadays. Like you, I don't have an official diagnosis either.

Since you have identified yourself as someone suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder, or CPTSD, we want to make you aware of a couple things as you settle in.
In the cPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On cPTSD
On Boundaries

It must be quite hard to sit in class with your NPD-ex. Perhaps the technique of Medium Chill may help you cope a bit more. The same site has other good tools on how to deal with Personality disordered people in your immediate circle.

I struggle financially as well, so I can't afford a Therapist either. Alas, no tips and tricks to overcome that. Perhaps self-study will be a good start without a T. But I guess that's best done after this semester and/or after you will have your degree. 

Welcome again, I hope and wish this place and community will give you comfort and be of aid on your journey through cPTSD. Our Guidelines for All Members and Guests are here to ensure this a safe environment for you and it will give you an idea of the community we create with each other.


Dutch Uncle.

[StillInTheDarkness]

Hello Sam-I-Am & Dutch Uncle.  Regarding finding a therapist, Sam-I-Am, have you checked with your college's health clinic to see if they know of a psych clinic that works on a sliding scale?  When I got out of the NIMH a couple of decades ago, I was referred to the county mental health clinic and ended up with a great psychiatrist and great clinical psychologist, who thought my then gf, now wife, had BPD, but I was dealing with my bipolar illness and didn't pick his brain.   Even a hospital with a psych unit might be a good resource for either one of you to find a clinic with a sliding scale.  I'm fortunate that my psychiatrist and T take Medicare.  Keep looking.  I have treatment resistant ultra rapid cycling bipolar, along with suspected C-PTSD, according to a T I was seeing this winter in Florida.  Therapy is the only treatment that's keeping me from crashing and burning.

Just talked with a neighbor who usually isn't talkative, but she suddenly tells me she was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD, resulting from an abusive marriage.  We bonded very quickly.