new and feeling helpless and hopeless

StillInTheDarkness · March 28, 2016, 05:04:46 PM

Hello everyone. I've been of OOTF since last summer, but recently, I asked a therapist I was seeing while in Florida if some of my symptoms looked like C-PTSD and he said yes, though I didn't receive a formal diagnosis, though he said that living with an uBPDw , with the accompanying drama and trauma, would make C-PTSD plausible.

I'm 65, with treatment resistant ultra rapid cycling bipolar, on Social Security Disability since June, 2011; wife is 70, married for 21 years, plus 3 years living together. Over those years, she has insulted me, belittled me, has an explosive temper, rage, meltdowns, hot/cold feelings about sex, learned to walk on eggshells and also is addicted to alcohol. In the past two years, she's told me: "I never found you sexually appealing. You're too nice. I've always liked men who treated me badly." and "If you want to go back to Florida, go! You'll be homeless and broke because I can't help you. I have no money." That was rubbing the prenup I foolishly signed, in my face, without legal counsel. She's retired federal, has a good pension, investments, never put my name on the deed of the house nor on the vacation condo in Florida nor on the two vehicles she owns.

I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. We've been in couples counseling and though she's less reactive, she still finds ways to say hurtful things. She had trauma in her life. When she was 9, her mother died and her father sent her off to live with one, then another older sister. Alcoholism runs in her family, along with mood, psychological and psychiatric problems, suicides and suicide attempts. Both sisters and their husbands were heavy drinkers. One husband physically abused the wife. The other sister verbally and emotionally abused her husband and after one fight, after telling him, "I wish you were dead.", later that night, he shot himself. That was about 50 years ago. This was the sister with whom my wife lived from 12 until she was 18. My wife told me, early in our relationship, in a lighthearted way, that she lives in constant denial. True. In therapy, she was dismissive, denied and distanced herself from any of her behaviors.

I'm trying to screw up my courage to see a family law attorney, in order to have the prenup evaluated. I AM afraid of being homeless. I'm not suicidal but between my severe bipolar and this dysfunctional marriage, I've been in a deep depression since late December, and the Florida weather couldn't even lift my mood. My sleep has been poor for about the last two years, punctuated by strange, disturbing dreams, some of which I remember, most,though,which I don't, but essentially, my sleep is non-restorative, even with Klonopin, the only drug I've been taking for 9 years. I'm trying to hold on and not crash and burn. I see my psychiatrist on April 7th when we get back home and my therapist back there is up to date on my condition. I'll be seeing him, too.

Dutch Uncle · March 28, 2016, 09:00:23 PM

Hi StillInTheDarkness

Welcome to Out of the Storm.

This is a reply to all three of your posts here at the "welcome to OOTS section of the board.

Welcome!

It can be quite overwhelming, speaking out at first. Many of us can relate to this, and I certainly can.
The post you made here was not particularly triggering to me, but if you think it is, or was, you always have the option to edit it, or even remove it if you wish so. See our Guidelines for All Members and Guests, which are here to keep this a safe environment for you, and as a guide to keep it safe for others too.
I appreciate your concern as expressed in your other posts: you will be doing fine, you are very considerate.

At OOTS, we welcome people who are dealing with cPTSD through a variety of life's events that befell us. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues and I'm glad you have found us. Since you have identified yourself as someone suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder, or CPTSD, we want to make you aware of a couple things as you settle in.
In the cPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On cPTSD
On Boundaries

Your personal situation with your uBPDwife is very stressful as you have made clear. A sister-site to OOTS is Out Of The FOG (OOTF) which has a good forum on how to cope with people who are or might be afflicted with a Personality Disorder.
Their Membership Guidelines are different than ours though, so please read them before posting there.
Here we focus on our own cPTSD which is quite often tied to loved ones around us who behave, or have behaved quite disturbingly to us.
No need to be very vigilant in posting what on what site, with you they are intertwined, I just want to point out that for yourself you may find one specific event/situation more apt for one site and another more for this.

Welcome again and

for reaching out and joining us,

Dutch Uncle.

StillInTheDarkness · March 28, 2016, 09:44:36 PM

Dutch Uncle,

Thank you for the welcome and reassurance. I've read a few posts from other new members and some, like me, don't have a definite diagnosis of C-PTSD. The therapist in Florida was also a Vietnam veteran and career military, so he was already familiar with combat PTSD and told me that, except for the trigger, the symptom spectrum is similar. When I wrote my therapist in Maryland, he was quite concerned and wants to see me as soon as possible when I return.

I will look at the information and links on this site, as I do on OOTF. I didn't really need another psych problem on top of bipolar but it is what it is.