Appropriate Fawn response?

[Dutch Uncle]

This night a thought/idea emerged.
Is going NC an appropriate Fawn-response?
Is Ross Rosenberg's method of "Don't absorb, but observe" an appropriate Fawn-response?

I translate Fawn as "play dead", like the mouse that has been caught by the cat does, waiting for an escape opportunity.
It's my understanding of the 4F-typology that all four are valid options, and all four are very basic, animalistic even, responses. They are not part of our cognitive processing power.
Appropriate Fight, Flight or Freeze are not so difficult for me to 'pin-point': Fight in self-defense, Flight to escape danger (an appropriate avoidance mechanism), Freeze to sit/stand still to gather missing information before action can be decided on, but Fawn? This has so far eluded me.

I identify myself as a Fawn-type, and I already have a pretty good idea how and when this was 'hoisted' on me. As a result of this 'programming' I have started to use this defense mechanism in all sorts of situations where either of the other three might be a more productive, functional response. I'm trying to 'recover' my Fight-response, but am I not at risk to Fight when Fawn IS a valid and perhaps even 'best' response?
In my NC for example? Might it be so that the hoovers I subsequently have to endure are a way to trigger my Fight (or Flight or Freeze) response, like the cat plays with his prey to see if it's really dead?

Are Medium Chill and Grey Rock also legit forms of Fawn?

Does anybody have thoughts and/or experiences on this?

[MaryAnn]

HI Dutch Uncle,

I ran across this post this evening.  I unfortunately have plenty of experience with this trauma type.   Over the last couple of years it has become how I define myself since I am severely lacking in any sense of self.   I associate myself most with Pete Walker's definition of a Fawn / Freeze type, the scapegoat.   Fawn is really not "play dead", Freeze really fits that description more.  Freeze is how I developed my ability to completely disassociate and numb out basically.  It is the type I used to survive my narcissistic father.  There was never going to be anything I could do to please or serve him so that he would treat me better.  I would sit in front of the TV for hours on a Saturday after chores and just vegetate.  Or I would go to my room with my dog and close the door, listen to my records or the radio to drown everything out.  I would read books from start to finish in less than a day.  Many times, I would read more than one in a day.   

My Fawn type developed as a result of dealing with my mother who was a covert narcissist.  I became a parentified child.  I figured out by about age 7 or 8 that I could somewhat avoid a beating or being yelled at by pleasing her, listening to her and being her confidant, and giving her advice, doing anything she asked.  It is how, as I got older, I was able to get her sympathy's so that I could escape the house as much as possible to avoid my father's abuse.  There were times that I had to endure her temper and her physical abuse or lack of concern when I was hurt or sick.  But, it was never as bad as the abuse from my father. 

I was also made fun of, shamed, told how bad I was from, well, from before I can even really remember.  So, I have a shame based identity which is common with the Fawn, Codependent type.  Meaning, as a child, my only sense of self developed as internalized shame.  I am bad, I am worthless, I have to earn others kindness by serving them and doing anything and everything that anyone else needs.   That it is selfish for me to have any needs or wants, I should be grateful that I get anything at all.  Still working to overcome this one.  It is not as easy as many would think.  You can't just tell yourself it is all not true and that you are good, have worth, are valuable,..... The brain is well conditioned to believe something else and it is very difficult to retrain it to think any other way.   

The Codependency and lack of sense of self that I developed carried with me in my relationships, friendships, and work environments.  I was a doormat and didn't even realize it.  I was just doing what I had always done.  Working to make everyone else happy.  I was the fair minded, peacekeeper that would do anything for anyone to prevent any drama, any problems, and make sure everyone still got along.  I had no boundaries (I am working on that too) and everything was my fault, I had to work to make whatever was wrong, right.   Life was like this until I completely burnt myself out a little over 2 years ago.  They finally broke me.  The anxiety, panic attacks, depression, ideations, fear brought back the freeze state that I remember all to well.  I have always cut myself off in terms of letting other people really know me, sharing anything about me, and was able disassociate from any emotions to help others deal with difficult situations.  But extreme disassociation has returned and I isolate more and avoid even leaving the house now that I am not working. 

NC is definitely an appropriate Fawn-response, sometimes it is the only way to protect yourself from more harm.
I really do not know anything about Ross Rosenberg's method so can't really comment on that one.
Medium Chill and Gray Rock are not forms of Fawn.  They are techniques that can be used by any of the trauma types to manage engagement with narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths.  I do use the Medium Chill technique with my father and my husband in order to diffuse situations.  It works well in the moment.  However, once I leave or am alone, my mind can't keep the emotions in check and I end up blaming myself and feeling like I have done something wrong. 

Hope my experience helps to explain the Fawn response in more detail.  I have found that correcting the fawn behaviors associated with codependency are much easier than correcting the lack of self and the shame and emotions associated with not doing the things for others that you feel guilty about not doing anymore.  If that makes sense....

Lol, Mary Ann