(May trigger?) New here, first post, fear of being alone

[Sienna]

MourningDove, I'm so glad! and Thank you.
Im so glad it helped you feel less alone, and I'm glad that it was easier for you than writing it out, considering you find that very difficult.

[Sienna]

Yes, same here Kizzie  :thumb:
I found that when i was with my partner, i never felt confident about trtyint to help him understand / explaining,
or having symptoms pop up that he knew about.
But i felt a little better, knowing that others had it too, so i felt like it was something to be less embarrassed and ashamed about than i already was.

[Danaus plexippus]

I had a literal scary thing behind a real door that destroyed much of my sister's and my childhoods; our drug addict aunt. She tried to kill me with a hatchet, slammed my sister's head into the wall repeatedly, grabbed me by the hair and slammed my head into the concrete hard enough to give me a headache that lasted a week. She's been dead for years now, but whenever I'm alone in my kitchen and hear one of the other tenants in my building walking down the stairs, I freeze and for a second that feels like an eternity, I'm that helpless little girl in fear for my life again.   

[Sienna]

That must of been really awful Danas, to put it mildly.
It is horrible and frustrating, to still fear now in the present.
It is scary living alone.
Have you tried comforting that little girl inside of you who feels so helpless?
It can be hard to do i know and hard to know what to say (in my own experience), but I'm getting there, and it makes her feel a little better. 

[Danaus plexippus]

A counselor once tried to guide me through that "What would you say to the little girl now" exercise and I came up blank. Sometimes when I regain my composure, I get up dance about and sing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. That sometimes makes me feel better. Lord only knows what the neighbors think.

[Sienna]

Hi Danas
Ah, I'm sorry you came up blank.
I have that too and i know a lot of us do, because  we've never been talked to that way.
I know its hard, but maybe you could learn? It feels really weird at first.

The neighbors - haha. * what they think. I know its hard though. 

[Danaus plexippus]

I've been off line the past 4 days. I got to see a new shrink Monday. She is keeping my meds at the same dose as my former shrink. I want to request re-assignment to her. I was seeing someone who just went on a 2 month hiatus. I've posted about him previously.
I'm glad I have my meds! I just found out somebody jacked my credit card for over $4,000.00. This is worse than the ghost of my aunt haunting the back stairs. Now I have no credit card. I don't know how this happened or how to prevent it happening again. Someone, somewhere I shopped copied my info. Now that I canceled my card I hope they get caught trying to use it again. I'm going to have to develop OCD so I can check up on my account every day when I get a new card. This has really shook me up especially since my landlord just raised my rent. I feel like I'm under attack.
If someone asked me what I would tell my younger self now, it wouldn't be encouraging. I'd probably say "You have it easy now kid, it gets worse, much worse."