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[flowerofthewoods]

I'm new here, and honestly not at all familiar with how forums work. Please be patient with me while I figure this out.

I found out about CPTSD a few days ago. I've known for a couple of years that I have some form of PTSD, but something about it just didn't seem right, didn't seem to accurately describe the degree of traumatization that I've gone through. Last night was really awful and once again proved to me that I can't manage this alone, but I can't afford therapy right now and absolutely no one I know could possibly understand what this is like. I don't know if I can expect anything out of this forum, but it's got to be better than slitting my wrists, right?

I'm sorry, I usually try to be optimistic and not so much of a downer, but I feel so dejected right now. Last night proved that all of my best efforts haven't gotten me very far.

[mourningdove]

Hi flowerofthewoods! 

Sorry to hear that you are feeling pessimistic (though pessimism is totally okay and welcome), but I'm glad you've found your way here, and I hope that you will find helpful information and community at OOTS. Like you, I had a "PTSD" diagnosis for a while, before I learned about the "complex" aspect that I have going on. For me, this discovery was really helpful. I hope it is for you as well.

Welcome


p.s. Please feel free to ask if you have any questions about how the forums work. I'm sure help will be forthcoming if you need it.

[flowerofthewoods]

It's incredibly hard to process through trauma when I'm not even sure when it started, and there were multiple long term circumstances going on at the same time. At this point, the fact that I'm traumatized is traumatizing.

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome to OOTS Flower     Maybe check with your GP as in many countries there is generally therapy available for free or offered on a sliding scale based on the client's income.

Hopefully you'll find some relief by reading and posting here as well, members definitely understand the roller coaster that can be CPTSD.  It can help with feeling traumatized by being traumatized to know it's a shared symptom other members suffer from as well.

One thing I should mention is that sometimes the forum is quite active and others times quiet so if you don't get a reply to a post, it's likely the latter and nothing you wrote.  If that's the case try joining in an active thread so you get to know a few people and get settled in.

Glad you found your way here 

[flowerofthewoods]

Last year my religious leader did set something up so that our church would cover part of the costs, but I don't think that the therapist I saw understood PTSD at all because he kept making little comments about how I shouldn't have any problems anymore. It made me feel awful, which made me feel guilty about wasting the church's money, so I quit. The GP I saw before that wanted to put me on anti-depressants and have that be the end of it, and didn't offer any referrals. I feel like I get stereotyped and dismissed a lot, so it would probably end up being long and expensive journey just trying to find a therapist who actually works with me.

It really doesn't help with feeling alienated from society.

[samantha19]

Hey, welcome to the form 

I hope you can find help and healing on here <3

I relate to the issues with trying to find a therapist. My GP was much the same, would give out pills but not much else for years. Then when I eventually got a therapist I saw them every three weeks (not really adequate) and I never returned because they were male (partly my fault, could have flagged this as an issue but yeah).

Personally, I've took the route of not having a therapist for now but I am finding healing in several other ways. For my social anxiety I am doing an online course at Social Anxiety Institute, which is cheaper than therapy and I am finding it very effective :-)
I am also lucky enough to have one really good friend I can rely on to hear me out if I am having a breakdown. I hate to feel I might be overtaxing to them, but they are really kind and always tell me they're there for me etc., and love me for me. i just mean to say that it has been possible to find relational healing, for me, without having therapy as a base, but I know that for others it may be completely different, and I am simply quite lucky to have this friend.
I also find this forum massively helpful in making me feel less alone. There are so many people who understand, and speak about the things that aren't really spoken about elsewhere. So that can offer something like therapy as well, I find.

I'm sorry the church therapy was so awful, that sounds incredibly invalidating and the person obviously has no understanding of this condition, to the point they behaved dangerously and damagingly.

I've heard it can take some time to find a good therapist, but this must be harder with less money :/ hopefully you will get there at some point <3 sending love