Trying to make it work

Started by amongstthewaves, May 07, 2016, 03:22:47 AM

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amongstthewaves

Long story short, I've been in a longtime abusive relationship with my boyfriend. Back and forth we have gone, and now we have tried to make it work and been back together. I'm realizing after having terrible reactions to minor situations or just handling myself horribly when in other circumstances I would hold myself well, that I'm suffering from CPTSD. I stopped seeing my therapist, because honestly I don't want anyone to tell me to leave the relationship. I'm trying to find resources to help me manage and overcome this so I can have a normal life.

meancat

Hello "trying",

I'm very happy that you have a diagnosis...not sure if you said you are or not. I completely relate to you relationship trials. They can be exhilarating and devastating in the same moment. My best piece of advice is this. Find a therapist you trust and understands you and stick with it. It will change your life. Trying to navigate on your own without any tools can be very difficult.

Peace

Rachel2519

My heart hurts for you as I am experiencing similar woes.  Some part of me knows the man will be of no benefit to me or for my well being but I still choose to go for it...it drives me nuts and I don't know why I put myself in those situations.  I spent four years with him and I REALLY wanted to love him, I did love him, I would do anything for him.  That was the problem.  My abuser was very condescending so I think maybe I put myself in similar situations and try to conquer it and make it work and reach success.  My life was falling apart and I was just watching it happen, unimaginable situations that had my mind baffled asking myself why am I even here, and then came a point where I realized that I had literally done anything for him.  I abandoned my friends and family, my sense of humor, my personal hobbies, my everything.  I was miserable.  I knew I could not heal if I was miserable so I did the unthinkable and asked him to take his two daughters and go live elsewhere.  My emotional state improved by leaps and bounds in just a few days and it keeps getting better with each case waking moment.  Except for when I see him.  He's got problems of his own and I deeply care for him and want to see him succeed so we hang out.  But it became habitual and I began to notice that a couple hours before I knew he was coming I would start feeling sick to my stomach and would get very anxious.  While he was around I felt very paranoid and wanted to invert myself.  I realized that he is poison to my soul.  Doesn't mean I don't love and care for him now and doesn't mean that my love and care for him over the years wasn't real.  What it means is that we both made some awful choices, we both have to accept consequence for our actions, and we have both grown as individuals but unfortunately we grew in different directions.

If you do not love yourself first you can not properly love another.  A true love would never ask you to sacrifice any part of yourself or become upset with you for denying any such request.  This is the time it is totally acceptable to be 100% completely selfish.  Get to know yourself.  I bet you meet an amazing woman who you didn't know existed.

Whobuddy

Quote from: Rachel2519 on May 13, 2016, 11:26:02 PM
If you do not love yourself first you can not properly love another.  A true love would never ask you to sacrifice any part of yourself or become upset with you for denying any such request.  This is the time it is totally acceptable to be 100% completely selfish.  Get to know yourself.  I bet you meet an amazing woman who you didn't know existed.

Beautifully said, Rachel. Sending hugs to you and Amongstthewaves!  :hug:  :hug: