How to handle dissociation around people?

[Sienna]

Hello everyone

Just a little question about Disasociation around other people.
Everything has been very stressful due to situation with Narcissistic X break up, and is behavior.
Staying at friends as i had to leave his place.
Was there at his until i could get my own place- money being the issue i am sorting out so that i can afford to live alone.
Need to phone refuge shelter on monday.

They were out last night at my X's dads birthday party thing..
and sat alone in their house, i was not totally relaxed, but was a bit more relaxed than i had been with lots of people around, being busy a lot.
I felt myself disassociating. The head pressure, headache thing and everything sounded quiter.
Im like that today too, and very tired (which is understandable cos of the stress and adrenal fatigue and dissociation makes you sleepy)

I guess i just wanted to write.
I feel disassociated today. Things a bit quieter, even though they ar back, maybe thats why.
I am worried that they will notice.
That i am quiter and spaced out when I'm disassociated.
I don't want them to find me boring. -
I guess I'm worried they won't like me and that they'll throw me out, otherwise, i still do have these thoughts about what people think,
but i also at the same time, couldn't care less. Its hard to explain.
Maybe its 2 dissociative parts working together or something like that.
But right now, i don't want to leave, as i have know where to go, so it is about survival.
Im not using though, i do like these guys. Were not close close but we hang out.

So yes, i was wondering if anyone else has this- i think its quite common.
And i know anxiety can make the dissociation stronger- thats what I've read and experienced.
And i have anxiety around other people, and feel i have to be in a good mood and interesting and talkative to be liked.
I know this is not correct, and if people don't like me in my natural state, then thats their problem.

Sometimes its intense ,that I'm out of my body, or -
I find it hard to think clearly, cant finish a sentence, forget what I just said, or what someone else just said, and its really hard to even speak.
This happened once after a T session, and i didn't feel in control over my speech or thoughts.

What do you guys do if you are around others and you are worried they'll notice?
They probably won't, depending on the level.
ps. about grounding, I am at the moment, glad of this mental break.
I have been trying so hard to be in control. To evaluate everything so that I'm safe.
At times with X, this has been very necessary.
And i haven't been drinking etc.-havent wanted to for that reason.
Maybe this need for control comes from being disassociated.
I haven't felt the need to drink etc. to numb difficult feelings- as those feelings seem to be keeping themselves at bay.
Just thinking out loud here.
But i am glad for the break that my mind and system seem to need.

Thanks for reading x

[Alice97]

I worry about people noticing when I'm in a dissociated state too. I usually can manage to act like I'm fine and avoid people without it being too obvious (saying I need to do college homework, etc.). But there are some days when I'm so out of it that I can't even hide it, and that can be really unnerving. What I find the most helpful to get back into a semi-grounded state is to take some time alone to process how I'm feeling, sometimes by journalling or listening to music. Creative outlets help me a lot. If I'm in a group of people and am dissociated, I try to remember to breathe, and not to focus on my state of mind too much. I might try to focus on one thing, such as one person or an object in the room, as a way to keep me as present as possible. I've found that breathing really is key, as I will often almost completely stop breathing when I'm dissociated, and that only makes things worse. Drinking water can help sometimes too. Hope this helps, at least you can know that you aren't alone, I totally relate to everything you said.   

[Sienna]

Hi Alice87,

Thanks for sharing your experience.
Im sorry you find it hard too being around others when this happens.

It is good that you can make excuses like that. I like that.
And i like your idea of taking time alone.
I feel that that is what i am needing.
I am glad that you do this, and that you find music and journaling helpful.
I do too.
I think that the anger i have been holding in due to the stuff carying on with X after the break up was also stressful with out a doubt.
I need to let my anger out. After a few days, i cant feel it anymore, but being alone at night is difficult as the memories and thoughts and anger come.
I do find that it passes sometimes and you forget you were disassociated.
I do feel tired afterwards .. I'm sure you can relate.

Tonight me and the guy who is in the house i was in, was talking about a person he didnt like..and i have experience with that person.  I didnt want to not say anything as there would have been silence so i shared a little of what happened being around that person.
Remembering it is painful for me, and through talking i couldn't remember what i was saying.
Its awkward.

Good rest and expression will come.
Thank you for your suggestions.   

[Alice97]

Totally relate to things being worse at night. I find that my symptoms attack me most when I'm alone with my mind. The unwanted thoughts, memories, and dreams... Ugh. And yes I relate to feeling tired after a dissociative episode. Stay strong girl, we can get through this even if it really suck sometimes. And you are right, good rest and expression will come in time.

[MaryAnn]

Hi Sienna,

You are on the right track as far as how you are working through the disassociation.  Doing better than I am managing it.   I have major anxiety and issues with disassociation.   I am unemployed right now so work is no longer a source of anxiety but looking for a job has become one and after a couple of months of frustration, I am spacing out and drink to numb myself.  I try not to use the drinking.  I went 3 days with out a drink.  But Mother's Day set me back after spending a day with my in-laws, husband, and then my own FOO.  I played games on my phone to disassociate at my in-laws and played with my 1 yr old nephew at my FOO in order to tune everything out.  Crashed on Monday, the anxiety was killing me so I started drinking again.  I also listen to music and write in my journal to work through it. 

I am also taking classes at the community college and volunteering at a local animal shelter to keep my mind focused and to meet new people as well as to learn new things.  Working with the animals helps a lot because I do not fear that I am being judged or that they don't like me.  Their love is unconditional.  In class, there is not any real time to talk to anyone personally.  I am able to help others with the computer lab work and feel like I have done something nice and to help them understand.  It wouldn't seem like much to many people but for me it relieves the anxiety for at least a while until I get home and with my "glass is 1/2 empty" husband's negativity and tearing me down.

Any other suggestions that you or Alice87 may have to try to work through disassociation and anxiety around other people would be really appreciated.

Hang in there and stay strong,

MaryAnn 

[Sienna]

MaryAnne, im so sorry i didnt reply to your post at the time.
i just found it again. I think i forgot because everything was so stressful when i posted this, so I'm sorry.

I also drink to numb myself. Job hunting is very stressful but i think it effects us more.
How are you doing with everything now?
Its great that you are trying not to drink...and well done seriously for lasting for three days.
Its great that you want to stop the dissasocaition- i think you do??
Its ok to want to not let it go too as its been a coping mechanism for a long time...(just in case you didnt know that)

T says to me, that its ok to disassociate but i know drinking is harmful.
She says that we need to function in life, so sometimes, if our coping mechanism is to disassociate, thats ok - for now.

Mother's Day set me back after spending a day with my in-laws, husband, and then my own FOO.
That does sound triggering and stressful. I found that hard too.
And to experience the contrast ... if there was a contrast, between his family and yours.
I found that his birthday parties and being at his parents house reminded me of what i never had. It was really hard to be there.
But i realise that his family are not perfect...and maybe a lot of it was appearances...
but it still hurt to see him have those things.

Journaling and-
I am also taking classes at the community college and volunteering at a local animal shelter to keep my mind focused and to meet new people as well as to learn new things. 
That is so courageous in my opinion, and you have anxiety too.
I help others too on computers. Doing simple, or ..easier things...brings a bit of peace or distraction.
Its great that you are not just giving up and that you keep trying. I think you should be really proud of that.

until I get home and with my "glass is 1/2 empty" husband's negativity and tearing me down.
Does your husband tear you down? Im not disbelieving you at all, I'm just concerned very much by your comment.
I want to know if you are safe or not. I have experience of living with someone who was both my parents rolled into one, and it brought me down a lot.

Im sorry that at the moment, i don't know how to work through dissociation. I just welcome it when it comes, as i feel i need it. But i do hate feeling numb and empty.