Obsessive Fantasizing

[Sienna]

Hey TakingFlight,

Trigger warning.

The fantasies i have, i think that underneath them is a lot of surpassed anger at my parents.
Spartanlifecoach touched on it a little in a video he did.
But i can't feel that anger at all.
He was talking about strange sexual stuff a narcissist might do...
and having a mother who was a narc, i internalised a lot of her narcissism, only i didnt know this till lately.
ie. if you fantasise about getting care from others, (its different for everybody), but i think that i split all that off from me.
I was taught that wants were not ok, that they were weak.
I learned that the only way i would get my needs met, is through myself. Therefore if you fantasise say about getting care needs met, it makes sense that you are providing *yourself* with that fantasy, and i see that some of these surpassed needs are from a very young age, and there is no way you can go around asking others to partake in the parent roll that my fantasies entail, therefore, like back then (and cos i avoid closeness with others), fantasy is all i have.

I don't reach out, and I'm sorry you struggle with this too.
It never even occurred to me either, to reach out, or to ask for help.
Not until my X said to me about it.
How crazy, when apparently as a child, it is alien to a child to not attach, and to not seek love and support / help.
and maybe because of how abnormal it might have felt to us, we don't remember feeling that way and we even go against asking for help- we don't know we can.
I guess you do whatever you are told as you learn from your caregivers.
There for, those wants, might have felt wrong, bad, like there was something wrong with us.

ah, sorry for the splurge. I'm just learning so much at the moment, and i figure out more as i write.

[LaurelLeaves]

Yeah, me too, all the time.

Fantasy is a self-soothing addiction that very few people are talking about.  You don't hear it like you do with drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, eating, sex, and shopping addictions.  So most people are not aware that it is an addiction.  Also you can do it, and no one will be the wiser.   It doesn't impact your body like drugs.  Nor your wallet like gambling.  It's readily accessible... in fact you can't put it down, because it's in your brain. 

Most people would not believe that it is as harmful as other additions, but *I* know it is.    I do it all the time, when I'm doing things that don't take much thought: cooking, cleaning, laundry... and I avoid things that would take me out of it... things that would take mental effort.  So I avoid doing thing that would bring meaning to my life. 

The ONLY thing I've found so far to not fantasize, is to actually talk to myself.  I'm using my brain in the same way, but I'm being present.   For example, I'll say "I'm getting a cup of coffee... now I'm getting the sugar...now I'm getting the milk...".  It is substituting a non-harmful behavior for the addicting behavior.   But I've just started it.  *... I just made it up; I don't know if it will work.  But like I said... NOONE out there is treating it, and I think they should.   

I think I'll add it to Wikipedia's definition of addiction, so people will start to get the hint!

[Alice97]

I'm so glad this has been a helpful thread to some of you, there have been some very insightful posts that have helped me work through and better understand my constant struggle with dissociation. Thanks everyone for your input!

Alice97, how are you doing these days? 

I'm doing OK, I just posted a long rant in my journal about how I am. I'm still struggling with all the usual symptoms, but I'm also doing more research and understanding myself better. So good and bad all at once I'm still fantasizing all the time, and honestly it is helping me survive day to day, so I'm not fighting it for now until I find a better means of coping. I figure it's that or something harmful (like substance abuse), so I'll go with the fantasies for now. I actually found a movie a few weeks ago where I related a LOT to one of the characters. I felt like I was watching a movie of myself. (The movie is called The Unsaid) I've watched it probably more than 5 times now in a very short period of time. I know it seems silly but I guess it has helped me to not feel so alone, and it provides an escape.

So anywho, thanks for asking, I'm surviving at least.  to you as well.

[ChaosQueen]

Hi everyone,
I used to think I was the only one obsessively fantasizing and daydreaming...
I used to chastise myself constantly but was unable to control it. I've done this ever since I can remember. The themes of the novels in my head changed throughout my life, but they are still a great entertainment and refuge.
Unfortunately, I have no control over my fantasies. During a boring meeting, I would like to escape into a fantasy world, but am unable to. But when I'm supposed to work on an important project with a deadline, I slip into La La Land and I'm gone. The whole day long I stare at the wall or my blank computer screen, miss appointments, don't eat or drink, and I'm fully absorbed in some fantasy story. When someone calls me on the phone, I can hardly speak. I forget where and who I am and what I was supposed to be doing. In a way I feel peaceful in that state, being so disconnected from my emotions and the outside world. I even get a rush of exitement, like a thrill, when I feel myself slipping away into this trance-like state.  Like a dopamin rush, perhaps. Or perhaps this is what it feels like to be high from drugs.
Now that I'm doing therapy for my C-PTSD, I've accepted my need for escaping into a fantasy world. I don't judge myself anymore. I don't feel so guilty anymore when I come to and realize all the obligations that I neglegted. This kind of dissociation helped me survive and I am grateful for the ability of my mind to create a "drug-like" state without any substance! Kind of neat... That also explains why it's highly addictive...
I actually sometimes still need to escape. Reality is just too rough. My emotions are just to intense. My fantasies seem more real to me than normal reality. I might not be the most reliable person and I can't get anything organized because I'm so spaced out, but at least I'm surviving. Slowly I'm taking part in life more and more, but I'm taking baby steps. Otherwise it's just too scary.
I think we need to be compassionate to ourselves when we have the need to escape into fantasy. It served and still serves a purpose, i.e. to survive. There are really more harmful and more costly addictions!