Obsessive Fantasizing

[Alice97]

Does anyone else fantasize all the time? I will often lay in bed for 2 hours fantasizing as a means of escape, and anytime I'm alone I do the same. Depending on the day I might imagine being able to trust someone enough to unload all my baggage on them, then have them just be there to hold me as I fall apart (seems silly now that I write it down), or I might fantasize about a faraway place where I can finally relax and feel safe. Sometimes I fantasize about dying but I don't want to go there. I naturally have a very vivid imagination, so daydreaming/imagining is one of the ways my brain tries to cope I suppose. I was just wondering if anyone else fantasizes to the extent I do, like for hours on end and even acting out the scenarios as if they are real, complete with dialogue. I often live more in my fantasies than in the real world, which I know isn't healthy but honestly it helps me get through the tough days.

[Butterfly]

 To me this sounds like a bit of disassociation as a coping mechanism him and escape to fantasy as a way to heal. There is a link to information on escape to fantasy but but not all the information is completely fitting in your case  because it's written from two perspectives, one is a personality disorder person doing such a thing but another perspective in the link is from a victims need to escape to fantasy as a way to cope. If you choose to review the information at the link please text her the information carefully as I am not at all suggesting a personality disorder.
http://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/escape-to-fantasy

Here's a few highlights that might be helpful if you don't want to review the whole link
"It's common for abuse victims to retreat into fantasies of their own, where they imagine a better, safer, more successful life for themselves. The danger comes when the abuse victim replaces reality with fantasy on a systematic basis, which can prevent them from making constructive choices or escaping abusive environments."

"What not to do-
Don't feel guilty about your own fantasies - they are a normal way to cope with stress and difficulty - they are a normal way to cope with stress and difficulty.
Don't allow fantasies – your own or someone else's - to infringe on your own safety, freedom or dignity.
Don't allow fantasies to become accepted as truth in your life.
Don't accept responsibility for another person's behavior just because they fantasize their own responsibility away.
Don't assume a person's fantasy is an accurate reflection of what they believe 100% of the time. Many fantasies are temporary mental departures from reality.

What TO do
Work on separating fact from fiction in your own life.
Writing down fantasies can help you see them more objectively.
If your fantasies are about having a better, healthier life which is free of abuse, look at how you can take actual steps to make it so.
Get regular reality checks from a good friend or therapist.

[Kizzie]

Great feedback Butterfly    I just wanted to add that one "Do" might be to take one of your positive fantasies, perhaps start with something small and see if you can make it happen for yourself.   Just a thought.

[Alice97]

Thank you Butterfly, very helpful info.
Kizzie, I'd like to hope some of my fantasies could come true, but there is a little (ok, a loud) voice in my head saying they are too good to be true.

[Sienna]

Alice97, yes i do.
I totally relate. Im so sorry if you are lonely etc.
I have realised lately that i do this , and it is due to loneliness and feeling uncared about and invisible.

I just found another thread similar to yours that i wrote on...but this seems more appropriate but i wont repeat what i wrote on the other thread.
I asked if this fantasizing was disasociaion- but from reading your thread, i think it is.

I have been fantasying about getting my childhood needs met for a long time.
i nearly came close but was dumped twice- one recently.

I listen to music and think about people who can meet these needs.
Mother figures...therapist...men i fancy or feel attracted to.
i am stating to think that my attraction to others is based on these unmet needs i have.

Depending on the day I might imagine being able to trust someone enough to unload all my baggage on them, then have them just be there to hold me as I fall apart (seems silly now that I write it down), or I might fantasize about a faraway place where I can finally relax and feel safe.
Yes, i do the same- all of those three. And i also fantasize about dying.
I fantasise about people rescuing me.
I also have conversations in my head about what would be said and imagine what would happen- i can't believe you have this too!!!
I think that all trauma types disassociate.
once i was in the kitchen chopping vegetables, once washing dishes and all the chatter suddenly stopped in my head.
There is music and throghts and conversations in my head and i only realised that i had all that going on when i right brain disassociated and felt all...woosy and calm.

My thinking is that i did this as a child. In lots of ways.
I used to imagine my teacher / teachers adopting me.
Big hugs to you. You are not alone in this. 

[Alice97]

Sienna - I just saw your response, I forgot to check back to this thread (obviously) for awhile. I'm so glad somebody else does the same things, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this stuff. Thank you so much and hugs to you as well 

[Danaus plexippus]

I fantasize about a beautiful fragrant garden with singing birds, a tranquil fountain and lots of butterflies. I wish I could bring you there.

[Sesame]

I spent all my spare time fantasising as a teenager. About becoming someone else. About waking up and being in a different life less broken than mine. Or even being in a book I read, a video game I played or a film I saw. Anywhere but my life would have been just wonderful. I sometimes still do have these fantasies, but nowadays they are more grounded and achievable. Such as fantasising I am more confident, calmer... That I handled a certain situation differently.

[papillon]

I think I've heard this referred to as maladaptive daydreaming.

That may be a term worth researching if you want help breaking out of the cycle. It seems helpful to daydream/dissociate because it gives you a break from reality, but it also keeps you from meaningfully confronting reality and having a chance at living your actual life instead of a fantasized one.

I've been there. It's hard to stop because it's like a drug, you get addicted to it... but it's very very worth it.

Wishing you the best.

[Danaus plexippus]

The other day I found this lovely refrigerator magnet  with the saying "I dreamed my whole house was clean. My life coach asked "What's one thing you can do to achieve this goal?" Chronic fatigue and physical disabilities usually prevent me from getting further than laundry and the dishes. I don't have the money to pay somebody to clean for me and I'm disgusted with the way I live. Sometimes I don't even get through the dishes before my legs start going out from under me. So it's off to Never Never Land again.

[TakingFlight]

I do this a lot too. Have always done it for as long as I can remember. I was left to entertain myself a lot as a child so I guess I would retreat into my imagination to pass the time, and make life bearable. I have some "stories" that I imagine again and again, although the characters change. I have whole conversations in my head, sometimes enough that I will burst out laughing at some funny thing that was "said". I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts, something that can take me out of my current situation, and I can be anywhere I choose.

I am in therapy for CPTSD, and am working through all my issues. I do try to limit my daydreaming and work on my real life, but it's still something I go back to. I guess it is also a way to have relationships, to tell my story etc... in a way that is risk free to me. Sometimes I can even work through issues by talking it through in my head, as if I were having a conversation with someone else.

[Sienna]

Taking Flight, you said:
I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts,

Fantisies disassociate us.
I have learnt some new stuff lately.
Attachment patterns-
when we cant attach to the mother, we attach to other things.
We use these things in times when we need to self soothe.
We used these things to self soothe, because we still need a mother- a person outside of ourselves to soothe us-
becaus- we have no motherly inner voice that we have internalised from our actual mother to comfort us.
Some of us learned that the only way we can take care of our needs (though not properly or healthily), was ourselves.
We never reach out to others to soothe us.

But weather you reach out or not, you still need something to soothe you.
One being, fantasies.
It takes the child away i suppose, - disassociates the child from the reality that is their life.
I still need to work all this out. But i do know about attaching to other things, such as your own fantasies, as you have no mother to attach to.
Hope that makes sense. You are not alone. 

[TakingFlight]

That makes a lot of sense Sienna...we do still need to get that attachment and care, even if we have to imagine it

where you said "We never reach out to others to soothe us", that is so true for me! I struggle with reaching out for help, it didn't occur to me that reaching out was an option a lot of the time, it's still a hard concept for me to get my head around.

I agree that sometimes we need the security blankets and coping methods of our past, at least until we can learn other, healthier ways of self soothing, which is a long process.

[movementforthebetter]

Taking Flight, you said:
I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts,

Fantisies disassociate us.
I have learnt some new stuff lately.
Attachment patterns-
when we cant attach to the mother, we attach to other things.
We use these things in times when we need to self soothe.
We used these things to self soothe, because we still need a mother- a person outside of ourselves to soothe us-
becaus- we have no motherly inner voice that we have internalised from our actual mother to comfort us.
Some of us learned that the only way we can take care of our needs (though not properly or healthily), was ourselves.
We never reach out to others to soothe us.

But weather you reach out or not, you still need something to soothe you.
One being, fantasies.
It takes the child away i suppose, - disassociates the child from the reality that is their life.
I still need to work all this out. But i do know about attaching to other things, such as your own fantasies, as you have no mother to attach to.
Hope that makes sense. You are not alone. 

Thank you for this insightful response, Sienna. This is a very valuable thread.

I also fantasize pretty much compulsively. I have recognized a lot in the last few months and have been working to curb the intrusions. I find it a natural reaction to situations I can't "escape".

I'm working to focus the urge to escape into action these days, ideally meditative ones. Long walks have become an almost daily occurrance. I get to think about what I want if I want and I'm also practicing self care. If I look objectively I have accomplished a lot already in recovery, even though my inner critic denies it.

Alice97, how are you doing these days? 

[Sienna]

Movementforthebett,
I am so glad that what i read is getting out there to others.

Thats so great, what you are doing.
Maybe you can see what is lurking under the fantasies, what you are feeling, even if that feeling is numbness.