My Story

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My Story
« on: May 15, 2016, 12:47:20 AM »
Thanks all for the kind welcome.  Here is my story...or at least most of it.

I am a 58 yr old male currently separated from my wife of 14 years.  We have an 11 yr old son that stays with me (thankfully) every second week. I have recently been diagnosed by my counsellor as having CPTSD.  It was uncovered as we engaged in a series of dialogues over the last 3 years culminating in Dec 2015 by a major life event brought about by CPTSD.

When I was 3 I underwent a number of significant surgeries to correct a birth defect.  These surgeries went on every 3 or 4 years until I was about 12 or so and I had a "tune up" when I was in my mid thirties.  My parents never really talked about what my defect was and when I asked, it was deflected.  So really all I knew was that I wasn't "normal" even though they kept telling me i was...except for that!

When I was 7 I found my mother passed away in her bed from a brain aneurysm so I was left to tend to the needs of my 2 younger siblings while my father grieved through the bottom of a bottle.  For some reason, I was not allowed to attend her funeral. 

Then in my early thirties it was discovered that I was infertile likely connected to the surgeries. 

I went into counselling for a bit and figured I had the problems aced.  It was about abandonment so I just had to get over it was the solution provided to me.

I think overall my life was relatively normal until the last 8 years or so when it all came to a head in the form of an addiction.  My wife came aware of it in a rather shocking way in Dec and asked me to leave the house as she needed some space to figure out what to do.

Now that I am starting to stabilize a bit, I think her asking me to leave the house was the greatest gift she could have offered.  It forced me to come to terms with what I now know as CPTSD.  I am in a 12 step to help with the addiction but I am finding, at least for now, that it seems to be secondary to me.  Now that I am aware of CPTSD and this forum and my counsellor, I feel that for the first time in my life I belong somewhere. 

I have been looking through the various boards and can identify with many of the topics being discussed.  Not that i wish this on anyone but I am thankful that there are others like me!

Thanks for being here.