What to do????

[myscootch]

I am 55 years old. I have DID. I grew up in 30+ foster homes between ages 2 through 18 and spent up until 52 years old caring for 2 of the abusing foster parents until they died. I have been in therapy pretty much all my life and especially with 1 T for almost 4 years straight now. After the last foster parent died in 2012 I was ready to finally get into fully living life, working on my issues and believed I had a chance in this life. Well within 6 months I started tripping and spent 3 years fighting to find out I now have a neurodegenerative disease that is slowly incapacitating me. My T does psychotherapy which seems all we do is talk. They do not have much on ideas and leaves me guessing on my own to come up with things. She is EMDR but tells me you have to have a specific memory in order to do that work.

I have absolutely no family, never been married and have no children. I have a few friends but none that are there when I need support with this stuff or actually anything regarding my problems. When my T goes on vacation she leaves no backup and never has no matter how many times I have asked about this. She will be retiring in 2017 and every time I inquire about getting someone new so I can establish a trusting relationship, she never responds but sidetracks. She states she will NOT be having anything to do with me after she retires but doesn't seem to want to offer any suggestions of starting a transition. She was a adamant that she was retiring in 2017 and now is back tracking. She used to take my calls outside sessions but now has decided to set boundaries. So I am so very lost anymore.

I have started looking into ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) as at this point in my life I feel I would rather have my brain fried versus going like this until I die. I am feeling hopeless and there doesn't seem to be much more I can do about my situation as my T does comes to my apartment once a week for the session (she lives in the same town). At times I get angry and tell her she is just a therapist but she acts like she is way more than that because she does a home visit.

I am so very tired and do not know what to do anymore!! Any words from others here?

[Jdog]

Myscotch-

I am so very sorry for the most difficult life you have experienced.  It must be very draining and confusing to be alone now after so much tumult and many disorienting situations.  I am glad you have found our website and hope that you will find support as many of us have here.  There are many good and caring people on our site, and although we are not professionals and thus cannot give you professional advice of any kind we can and do provide a listening ear and compassionate words.

I hope that you will check out some of the helpful resources located in various parts of the site.

Welcome and know that you are not alone.

[mourningdove]

Hi myscootch! 

Sorry you are feeling so alone. I am very isolated myself and I know how difficult it can be.

The situation with your therapists sounds very confusing. She should not sidetrack when you bring up transitioning to another therapist, and she really should have a backup when she goes on vacation, especially since you have asked for one.

If you are thinking about electroshock, I hope you do a lot of research on it first, including critical perspectives. This link may be a good place to start: http://www.ectresources.org/About-Us.html.

Glad you are here! 

[myscootch]

Thank you for your kind words as I greatly appreciate it! I am so very glad I came across this site as trying to walk this alone, well, to say the least is a huge challenge! I look forward to reading other posts and checking resources so maybe I can try and help myself even more but also be inspired by the folks walking their own journeys! Thank you again - 

[Jdog]

Don't forget, you also inspire people by having the courage to write here!  It works both ways, friend!

[myscootch]

Thank you jdog for your kind words as I greatly appreciate it more than you could imagine at this point! 

[Jdog]

You are more than welcome. 

[Sisue]

I have started looking into ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) as at this point in my life I feel I would rather have my brain fried versus going like this until I die.

I had many (20+) ECT treatments over the course of 6 months with the last one being over a year and a half ago.  I wish I never would have had them!  Not only am I still struggling with memory loss, lack of concentration, changes in my senses, loss of skills (including my professional skills), learning disabilities and personality changes, BUT my depression sunk to lows I never imagined possible since I had the treatments.  Obviously, ECT DID NOT DO WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSE TO!

I am not the person I was.  I thought maybe it would get better over time but it has not.  Not only do I still have the original traumas that I was "shocked" for to deal with but I have the traumas (of the procedures) and repercussions of the ECT to deal with too.  No way in * will I go through that again.

I did a search here looking for others who may have had ECT but came up empty handed.  If anyone has had experience with it I would love to hear your stories!

If you, or anyone, is considering ECT I strongly urge you (as Mourning Dove did) to do your research.  And try to get personal stories as they are the un-sugar-coated versions.

myscootch, I hope you are doing ok.  Would love to hear what you came up with on this topic.